Why would a person be interested in becoming more spiritual? What do you get from it? What is the difference between spirituality and religion? These are the types of questions I have been asking myself over the last 15 years, these days, I find it even harder to express what spirituality means to me because the more I quieten all the voices in my mind – the more I let go of my ego neediness – the more I connect with myself and life, I don’t think there needs to be a description.
It seems to me that how spiritual you are has nothing to do with what you believe, yet, everything to do with your state of awareness, consciousness and outlook on life.
Typical resources define spirituality as;
“An internal direction which endeavours to enable a person to understand or explore the essence of their being, this is often achieved through Spiritual practices, such as, contemplation, study, meditation and prayer – with the intention to grow internally.
Spiritual experience includes feeling more connected with life and with a greater reality, establishing a more comprehensive self with other individuals or the human community, with nature or the cosmos, or with the divine realm. Spirituality is often experienced as a source of inspiration or orientation in life. It can encompass belief in immaterial realities or experiences of the immanent or transcendent nature of the world.”
I really appreciate that description. Another one that inspires me and guides my intentions is: “If you want to grow spiritually, it’s so simple that it is often overlooked. It begins with a decision to be loving and kind towards all of life, including yourself, at all times, no matter the circumstances. Be forgiving and gentle; strive to be supportive of life. It becomes less about what you do and more about who you are. You become a source of support for life and all endeavours, encouraging those who need it, embodying the very energy of life itself.”
Pretty difficult to put on your ‘To Do’ list, though! The engineer in me still struggles with the word ‘spiritual’, and even in my own mind, it summons up images of tree-hugging and deluded individuals running around hugging each other and not facing up to the realities of life!”
However, I do think that I am spiritual – and these days I feel that it can be whatever I want it to be, whatever is right for me, it can change, it can grow and it can unfold as I learn new points of view and as I experience living and thinking in new ways.
The philosopher Alan Watts presents a perspective that resonates with me. He suggests that to simply consider ourselves as humans overlooks a crucial point: we are human and alive only because we have air to breathe and water to sustain us. Therefore, we might be more accurately described as organisms that exist within a microenvironment—each one dependent on the other. Additionally, all humans rely on each other to propagate our species and support one another. I believe this interconnectedness is the dance of life, which I consider to be spiritual.
So, for me, being spiritual means being able to calmly flow along within the dance of life, to resist being pulled into all the emotional games we have learned to play around control, aggression, fear and the concept that we have to “be a certain way” to be acceptable to the “rules of others.’ To be able to live below the radar of the emotional angst, power struggles and ego driven actions of the planet. And at the same time, to not be judgemental or needing of anything to change – or for anything to have to be any different than what it already is, and to be in a place of acceptance – knowing that there are so many illusions that we create in our mind that just are not true.
I have focused on living with the concept that in any situation, I have 3 choices; to accept, to change or to resist – and it seems to me that living them in that order leads to a lot less anxiety and drama in my life – which is another aspect (to me) of being spiritual (being nice to myself!)
Religion versus spirituality
To me, religion is more of an institutionalised system with many rules and processes that one must follow. In contrast, spirituality feels much more personal. Religion tends to be outwardly oriented, doctrinal, and authoritarian, which can inhibit personal expression. On the other hand, spirituality often conveys a more subjective and emotional focus that allows for greater freedom of expression. I believe that they are similar yet distinct, and you don’t need to be religious to be spiritual—and that is perfectly fine!
For me, cognitive flexibility is a significant outcome of being spiritual rather than religious, and I find it to be a powerful tool for maintaining my health and motivation. Coping strategies that rely on fixed rules and inflexible approaches require you to exert more effort on the same methods, even if they aren’t effective. On the other hand, trying a new approach or adopting a different perspective can often help you overcome challenges more quickly and with less emotional stress.
I believe there is a significant difference between ‘belief’ and ‘faith.’ Belief implies the assumption that something is true and requires strict adherence to specific principles. This mindset is often based in fear—specifically, the fear of not following the rules and the potential for punishment or reprimand. In contrast, faith allows you to let go and trust. Faith does not involve clinging; instead, it is about relaxing and accepting the fear with the conviction that you will be all right.
Therefore, I don’t think you need to be religious to be spiritual. However, as you become more spiritual, you become increasingly aware of the incredible interconnectedness of everything in the world and realise that you are a part of life itself.
What spiritually works for me…
In my experience, there comes the point in personal development and therapy where there are no more answers; you can’t just say “do this and you will feel xyz…” – at this point some people realise that a whole new paradigm is required if they want to live their life in a way that enables them to feel free and more happy. To me, that’s what spirituality is, a way of living that is kind and thoughtful – yet trusts that things will unfold in a positive way, and if they don’t, well, I’ll still be alright, and perhaps the less good things need to happen in the context of the bigger picture.
Time plays tricks on us, for example, if you lose you job you may feel terrible or angry, however, 2 years later you may be in a wonderful job and in retrospect losing that old job was the best thing that could have happened to you. Can you see how your point of view can be hugely influenced by which timescale you choose to perceive your problems from?
The Godliverse
I come from a scientific and non-religious background and, for many years, struggled with the concept of spirituality and the many diverse ways of trying to understand what spirituality is. On my own long journey I have found a balance that I am comfortable with, perhaps not the God with a beard, but a power, an energy, perhaps some form of divinity that I would call Spiritual which helps me to connect with inner peace, happiness and more fully understanding myself. I’m NOT into crystals, angels and tree hugging (but I’m OK with those who are) and have come to realise that there are tangible elements out there that transcend logical conscious descriptions.
“With humility comes the willingness to stop trying to control or change other people or life situations or events ostensibly ‘for their own good’. To be a committed spiritual seeker, it is necessary to relinquish the desire to be ‘right’ or of imaginary value to society. In fact, no body’s ego or belief systems are of any value to society at all. The world is neither good nor bad nor defective, nor is it in need of help or modification because its appearance is only a projection of one’s own mind. No such world exists. Simple kindness to one’s self and all that lives is the most powerful transformational force of all.”
By not restricting your mind to the limits of Newtonian logic, you allow new concepts to become open for investigation. My personal experience and results from working with many clients has led me to firmly believe that inner calmness, self-love, helping others and confidence come from stopping the voices in our mind and not believing what they say – realising that they are not us (big step I know! But possible) and that they cause a whole load of unnecessary emotional suffering.
Spiritual values and beliefs
I strongly believe that articulating your values and beliefs provides a foundation for understanding why you are the way you are. From this more self-aware perspective, you can make effective changes that enhance your ability to decide what you want and don’t want from life. This process fosters motivation and action, leading to greater choices and emotional calmness. My personal values have been significantly shaped by my journey of personal growth and spirituality.
Understanding and letting go of the ego
If you truly wish to grow spiritually, understanding the various tricks our ego plays on us is essential. Our ego can deceive us; it is like a voice inside us, constantly chattering through our thoughts and emotions. This voice is often fearful and leads to significant anxiety and suffering. It is the part of us that identifies as “I” and attempts to differentiate us from others. The ego processes our experiences in the external world and reacts to them. Its perspective is developed during our younger years and shaped by our schooling, manifesting in the beliefs, values, and concepts we mimic from our environment.
Our ego learns that being right is good while being wrong is bad; that good behaviour is rewarded, and bad behaviour is punished. This conditioning leads us to classify ourselves as better or worse than others. However, this is a world of illusion, existing solely within our minds. The entire notion of winning and losing or being better and worse is a deception; in nature, one tree is not better than another, and one cow is not more beautiful than another.
The ego wants us to believe we are either ‘greater than’ or ‘worse than’ others. Simultaneously, it avoids taking responsibility by blaming people and external events with statements like “they made me do it.” When the ego cannot place blame externally, it turns inwards, perpetuating the “I’m not good enough” narrative, leading us to feel we must struggle to survive. It convinces us that if we acquire more, do more, or stop others from doing something, we will achieve happiness.
Once we recognize this pattern, our grasp on life can lessen, and our sense of neediness can diminish. By doing so, we no longer feed our ego. We have a choice: to become free, it’s important to observe ourselves, becoming the observer of our thoughts and behaviours. This awareness allows us to reveal outdated beliefs we have accumulated, enabling us to distinguish our true selves from our false egos.
Letting go of the ego allows us to see the world from a fresh perspective, free from dependence on what others think or do. This liberation opens the door for us to explore what makes sense to us.
A few years ago, I found myself in a restaurant seated at a table where one chair faced the room while the other faced a wall. Unconsciously, my old habits kicked in, and having been taught over the years, I instinctively guided my wife to the chair with the view. However, she insisted that I take that chair instead. An uncomfortable feeling washed over me as I reluctantly sat in the other position. I paused for a moment, sitting with the discomfort, and realised what was happening in my mind: my ego was worried that others would judge me for not being a gentleman, according to its definition of what that meant. This realisation occurred in mere seconds, subconsciously triggered by a lifetime of conditioning. Ultimately, I smiled at this insight and continued to enjoy a lovely evening. This experience highlights the importance of letting go of the ego and simply enjoying life.
Quietening the mind
I have discovered that we can communicate quite effectively with our unconscious minds. We are essentially like a giant biological chemistry set; we can easily expose ourselves to negative chemicals and emotions. More importantly, we can generate new thoughts and feelings that provide us with a much more positive emotional experience.
To me, one of the simplest aspects of spirituality is the idea that we don’t have to be right or wrong, or the best or worst. It’s about not needing to justify ourselves or judge others—just being comfortable with who we are and helping others whenever we can.
Many of the fields I studied left me confused, while others seemed almost too good to be true. Personally, I’m still unsure how many of these ethereal spiritual concepts actually work. However, I found that if you take the valuable aspects from each—even if they are only sensible ideas—you can construct a way of living that makes sense and, more importantly, leaves you feeling calm and good inside. After all, isn’t that what it’s all about?
Spiritual quotes I like
“The more we give love, the greater our capacity to do so.”
“Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give.”
“That which you resist stays.”
“Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; actually, it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others.”
“Everything you see happening is the consequence of that which you are.”
“Every thought, action, decision or feeling creates an eddy in the interlocking, inter-balancing, ever-moving energy fields of life, leaving a permanent record for all of time. This realization can be intimidating when it first dawns on us, but it becomes a springboard for rapid evolution.”
“We change the world not by what we say or do, but as a consequence of what we have become.”
“All judgement reveals itself to be self-judgment in the end, and when this is understood a larger comprehension of the nature of life takes its place.”
“The readiness to initiate the journey cannot be forced nor can people be faulted if it has not occurred in them as yet. The level of consciousness has to have advanced to the stage where such an intention would be meaningful and attractive.”
“The downside of spiritual education is the build-up of the vanity of ‘I know’ and the devaluation of people who are ‘not spiritual’. Therefore it is important as a foundation to spiritual training and education to learn how consciousness manifests as the ego and its mechanisms.”
“It is only the minority of people who seek self-improvement or personal growth. This is because whatever one’s self-criticisms, one secretly really believes that one’s way of being is okay and probably the only correct one. They are all right as they are, and all problems are caused by other people’s selfishness, unfairness, and by the external world.”
“Spiritual evolution occurs as the result of removing obstacles and not actually acquiring anything new. Devotion enables surrender of the mind’s vanities and cherished illusions so that it progressively becomes more free and more open to the light of Truth.”
“Everybody is like a magnet. You attract reflections of who you are. If you’re friendly, then everybody else seems to be friendly too.”
“Why give the ego more power by resisting and opposing it?”
“With spiritual work, the terms ‘is’ or ‘are’ become progressively replaced by the term ‘seems to’, which is due to the increasing realisation of the degree to which perception is the mask that hinders truth.”