Introduction to video
I’ve called this video – From mask to mastery – Meaning, how can we ever get to know our authentic self (or our full potential self) if we unknowingly hide behind the masks we developed to protect ourselves (or were unknowingly programmed) to wear as we grew up?
Those masks (or chameleon behaviours) or identity labels, like being the funny one, the quiet one, the clever one, the nerdy one, the weird one, the helpful one, the anxious one, the awkward one, the rule maker, the fixer, the put upon one – overtime evolved into our self-identity, our persona, or our family or cultural identities – along with all the corresponding values, beliefs and opinions required to support that identity.
And mostly, this happened to us without us realising it until suddenly, sometime in our childhood, we consciously assumed that ‘story’ as an identity and said something like “I AM shy and anxious”, “I AM silly and irresponsible”, or “I AM unloved”, or whatever story was implanted into your brain, or your brain used to combat its environment.
In my last video, I mentioned Jen’s father was a behavioural psychologist, and he cleverly rewarded her childhood behaviours such as bravery, standing up to authority, breaking rules and having fun. And he disregarded her when she moaned, was ill, did drama or complained.
He knew those skills would benefit her as an adult, but needed to be trained into her brain’s operating system during her first seven years of life.
So, that’s what he did – he trained her formative brain to look for all the things that were good, positive, optimistic and fun in life, so they became her brain’s default settings by the age of seven when that stage of brain development arrested – and therefore, would be instinctively there for the rest of her life.
From an early age, he said, “Be childlike, not childish, forget the bad things, let them go and remember the good things; because who wants a brain full of horrible memories? Go out and make good memories; because the actions needed to create those good memories won’t happen with you sitting around doing nothing!”
And it’s not just about trying to be cheerful; he also said, “When you get angry – sometimes you can do your best work if you can channel that energy into positive action rather than using it against yourself by just stewing in your rage and blame stories!”
She remembers (as a child) putting on a cheerful mask when she was ill or a brave mask when he dared her to do things – and with repetition, these behaviours became routine for her.
Whereas I was rewarded for being a good child, for being nice, following rules, being quiet and putting others first – which was great for making a good child.
However, in my teens, I was told, “There is a wide world of opportunity out there, and you can do (and be) anything you wish – off you go!”
But let’s not kid ourselves – it is a busy and competitive world out there, and those individuals with good self-esteem, those who are not afraid of conflict, those who can ask for what they want and those who have the courage to try new things – are (usually) more emotionally well-equipped to succeed.
Of course, that terrified my little eight-year-old, my ego – because he was never taught those skills – so all he could do was work harder at trying to be who his brain was conditioned to think he should be.
Continued in the video…