In this 53-minute video, we discuss if you understand your personal boundaries and where your responsibilities currently lie.
Have you taken on certain responsibilities because you genuinely desire to, feel obligated to, have been programmed to, or because nobody else will?
It’s important to consider this question, especially if you value peace of mind, as it will help you focus on how (and where) to wisely allocate your precious time and energy each day.
Information about this video
I’ve called this video “Boundaries of Responsibility: The Dilemma of Being a Nice Person and Doing the Right Thing!”
If I were to ask my body’s brain to use its unconscious database recording and pattern-matching skills to analyse the many thousands of intelligent (yet anxious) people I’ve worked with – here are some of the things it would report back to me.
It would say that intelligent individuals with complex personalities and a desire to make a difference (or engage with) the world – are more likely to develop complex anxiety than those who are less intelligent and have a more straightforward personality.
Those people (whether they realise it or not) are the ones that are helping to evolve the human race through their deep thinking, creative imagination, passion and inner drive.
Be that through travelling, teaching, building companies, raising families, having fun and building strong supportive communities.
But, unfortunately, the world we live in doesn’t always support those who strive to make positive changes or those who simply want to use common sense to simplify outdated traditions or bureaucracy.
These complex personalities feel they have an inner sense of responsibility to do something – whilst all around them, less responsible people add to their burden and the government limits their freedom to be able to take responsibility for themselves and their actions.
Other comments it would report back to my conscious mind, so my observer could become aware of it on my mind screen – would be that they often experienced difficulty depending on others – it’s not that they didn’t (necessarily) trust others, but it was quicker or more efficient to do things themselves so they could ensure things were done as effectively as they wished them to be.
I suppose (at one level) this usefulness and willingness to help is a good thing, but if that need were to become overdeveloped, it may lead to obsessive or controlling behaviours (based on good intentions) but that just get a bit out of control – especially when viewed from a less responsible person’s perspective.
I presume these dominant and controlling actions enabled them to do things well, so they’d be liked, could help others, be of value, make a difference and feel good about themselves.
These people often told me, they felt a bit different from others, sometimes awkward, more excessively prone to worry and (where possible) they tried to avoid conflict by seeking security, certainty, and reassurance.
Phrases they would use to describe themselves included, doubtful, indecisive, fearful, tired, confused, frustrated, overwhelmed and angry.
They felt driven to do what they believed was ‘right‘ (whatever that was) for themselves and those around them – and that just being themselves was an exhausting experience – because it was so complicated and had so many responsibilities.
But, ironically, in about 80% of instances, that anxious person was usually competent in an emergency situation, or the type of person that others would turn to for advice or assistance.
Now, that really fascinated me.
How could an anxious, doubtful and worried person, who dislikes conflict, be effective (and take control) in an emergency situation?
Well, I believe the answer is quite simple, it’s during moments of imminent danger or emergency these individuals are forced to stop ‘thinking‘ and instead, instinctively ‘feel‘ – or just ‘know‘ – or ‘intuit‘ – what is right for that unique situation – their brains (momentarily) don’t have to doubt themselves or talk themselves into (or out of) taking action and their natural dominance arises.
They shift away from their highly conditioned (and over-developed) conscious ‘what if‘ logical thinking brain and revert to their more natural innate unconscious responses.
It could be said that they trusted themselves instinctually in those moments – common sense or the energy of nature guided them to the appropriate responses.
However, can you see the folly of this behaviour? When everything is OK, they worry and get anxious, yet when everything goes wrong, they step up and sort things out!