John Glanvill • Anxiety Specialist & Researcher • Anxiety • OCD • Bipolar • ADHD • Energy • Online Treatment Course • Sensible Spirituality

Finding & Working on Your Relationships

Relationships

There is nothing better than being in love with someone who truly wishes the best for you, and vice versa. When you are aligned in your desires and goals, it creates a strong foundation for your relationship. It’s important to love your partner in the way they wish to be loved, avoiding unnecessary drama, and fostering a relationship built on trust and optimism. My course delves deeply into the intricacies of relationships.

What is love?

We can never be completely sure if we are truly loved. While we might say, “I feel loved by that person,” we can’t access our partner’s thoughts and emotions. Love has two aspects: firstly, what your partner thinks about you, which is intensely private and personal; and secondly, what they say and do—these are the visible signs that demonstrate their love for you. It might be worth reading that sentence again because it’s really important.

How often have we asked our partners, “What are you thinking?” only to hear them reply, “Oh, nothing”? In relationships, we often seek evidence of love through our partner’s actions and words. When we feel neglected or lack attention, we might jump to conclusions about their feelings, but the truth is, we can never fully know how they truly feel. The only thing we can know for certain is whether we love them.

To me, love is more about respecting and accepting your partner as they are. If you try to change them to make yourself feel better, it becomes hard work. After all, nobody likes being told what to do or how to behave.

You are only responsible for your half of the relationship…

As blunt as it sounds, you are only responsible for your half of the relationship, you are a couple, a pair, and the partnership has two halves to it. No matter how strong that relationship you can never (really) know what that person feels or what they are thinking – we assume we do and then we try to please them or control them based on our assumptions of what we think they want. You are not responsible for what goes on in your partner’s mind and you are (usually) not party to their deepest fears, worries and anxieties – all you know is what goes on in your mind, your half of the relationship.

They make me feel this way…

So often I hear people say “I wish they would stop doing that, it drives me mad” which is making the statement that the other person is controlling their emotions – “when he does that, I get upset” – personally, I feel that we are responsible for our own emotions, it’s not them that is upsetting us, it is our own personal response to what they did, somebody else might not be bothered at all. Our self-beliefs, our personal fears and all the things we learned whilst growing up, going to school, through religion and the events of our life have programmed us to react in certain ways and often we don’t have a lot of flexibility.

One obvious example of this is where one party is feeling jealous – Jealousy can quite easily be defined as a lack of self-esteem that is projected onto the other person. “When they do that thing… it makes me feel bad, therefore, if I control them so they don’t do that thing, then I will feel less bad about myself” – this is a great example of how people let others control their emotions – When all the time we truly have the ability to manage our own emotions and feelings independently from what anyone else says or does (if we are prepared to learn how!)

Is staying less fearful than leaving?

Let’s be honest, some couples just shouldn’t be together (if happiness and quality of life are the measures) – victims attract abusers, people who (think) they need security will stay with a partner who can provide regardless of love and sometimes people just fear to be alone more than staying in an unhappy relationship.

We explore what you truly want from a relationship and any barriers that prevent these needs from being met. These may be from your partner, however, often they are just self-limiting beliefs or feelings of not being good enough or even worthy enough of love. Of course, these are only beliefs, they feel real but they are only your beliefs, you learned them and you can unlearn them too (if you want happiness enough!)

Men and women are different!

Of course, we are different, however, more fundamentally different than you might imagine, during the relationship counselling sessions I teach people the common traps men and women fall into when they assume that they both want the same thing. Understanding the nature of emotions, tonality, hand gestures and generally what makes each sex tick. Once you understand this it is so much easier to not get hooked by the comments or behaviour of your spouse as you’ll realise that those things were not meant personally, although that is how it usually feels.

Who is talking to who?

In any conversation, there are lots of players, for example; if you are laying in bed talking to yourself, who is talking to who? Is me talking to myself? Is my mind talking to my body? Either way, if you ask the voice to stop it doesn’t! So who is in control? It is important to unravel this conundrum because as you go into conversations with your partner you’ll find that a whole cast of characters are getting involved.

There is the voice of who you think THEY should be and what THEY should do (according to your beliefs about them). Then there is the voice of who YOU think YOU should be and how YOU would like to be seen by others, and if that’s not enough there are the little characters in our mind the judge, the victim, the hero fixer, the pleaser all trying to talk at the same time. And your partner has the same bunch of voices in their head. Who is talking to who? Is your pleaser talking to their victim? Are they let down because you didn’t live up to their expectation of who you SHOULD be (in their mind)? I teach you how to break this down and end unnecessary emotional drama and conflict. Learning new forms of listening and communicating is a key aspect of this form of relationship counselling.

Loving yourself too…

How can you expect someone to love you if you don’t love yourself? Why would you believe them if you don’t feel worthy of love? It really is that simple. I do a lot of work regarding self-esteem, self-respect and acceptance, all of which are important in a calm and happy relationship.

Masculine and feminine energy

The dynamics of masculine and feminine energy in relationships can deeply influence emotional connection, balance, and mutual respect. These energies aren’t strictly tied to gender but rather represent complementary traits and approaches to life. Understanding and harmonising them can help foster stronger relationships.

My course teaches you how to find love, maintain love, and, most importantly, how to love yourself unconditionally.

If you don’t love yourself, it will be difficult for others to love you, even if you care for them deeply. This lack of self-love can lead to self-sabotage in both your current relationships and in forming new ones.

Check out my course; it will teach you self-worth, courage, and confidence.