Between the ages of 12 and 36, I fought my brain and emotions almost every day and night. At 59, I like and respect myself and remain surprised by what this brain and body can do. The outer world changed, but the decisive shift happened inside: I reprogrammed the stories I told myself about myself and the world until my inner reality became a calmer, more useful place. If I could speak to that younger version of me for ten clear minutes, this is the substance of what I would say.

First, you have misunderstood talent and creativity. Because you cannot sing, dance or play an instrument, you concluded you had none. That story quietly lowered your confidence and made you chase perfection as compensation. Many of your real strengths are invisible: organising, problem-solving in a crisis, generating ideas, communicating clearly, leading when others freeze. Learn to self-validate instead of waiting for external applause.

Most people will never notice the work you do for them; that does not make the work less real. You were taught to put logic first and intuition second. Reverse that.

If something feels wrong, it usually is. If it feels right, that may be enough information to act. Over-analysis is often the sign you are about to make the wrong decision. Your gut and heart feelings are connections to something larger than the intellect; treat them as primary data. You are a limited battery of emotional and biological energy. Spend it only on what aligns with the life you actually want and the people you choose to keep.

Calmness is not a luxury; it is the foundation. It improves sleep, immunity, creativity and the quality of the field you generate around yourself. Poor sleep damages metabolic health and mental clarity even if you can “function.” You are a chemistry set. Anger, prolonged sadness or constant worry flood the system with stress chemicals that exhaust and damage cells. The speed with which you can let something go—through acceptance, change or walking away—directly affects your biology.

Epigenetics is real: the total environment your cells live in (diet, relationships, rest, mindset) influences gene expression. A calm person in a busy setting is often healthier than a worried person in a quiet room. Stop letting guilt and shame run the show. Guilt is “I did something bad.” Shame is “I am bad.” Both sit at the bottom of the emotional scale and are energetically expensive. They almost always come from a self-centred, victim story: “I should have known,” “What will they think of me?”

Extract yourself from the content of the story into the wider context and the drama collapses. People can only guilt you if you accept the invitation. Your own brain guilting you is simply self-abuse. Learn respectful ways to decline the invitation and move on.

Your intrusive thoughts are not secret evidence of who you are. They are usually the exhausted unconscious mind trying to get attention by reversing your true nature 180 degrees. Thoughts of harm, contamination or suicide are often the opposite of your actual character; once you see that, they lose power and can be ignored.

Do not try to stay the same person and hope anxiety disappears. Become a different person in whom anxiety has less room to operate. Use exposure and response prevention (ERP) on the life you want to live, not merely on the symptoms that scare you. Positive internal stories (iStory ERP) must replace the old negative loops every day. If you are not deliberately running those new stories, you are reinforcing the old ones. Know what you want.

Procrastination is the thief of time. Try many things until experience, not theory, shows you what fits. Drop the idea that there is one right way; those are often just social control mechanisms. Fear and excitement are the same physiological state with different stories attached. Action creates motivation; waiting for motivation keeps you stuck. Ask of every decision: “Is this in line with my intentions?” If yes, do it. If no, don’t.

Happiness, optimism and trust are not personality traits some people are born with. They are practised attitudes. Happy people choose the stories that evoke positive feelings in advance and discard those that do not. Pessimists run the opposite loop and then claim it is realistic.

New attitudes can be adopted in a moment and installed in the unconscious over weeks of repetition.

Finally, consider that the universe and nature may possess intelligence and that you are an immortal awareness having a temporary human experience. You arrived with nothing and will leave with nothing except what you learn. That perspective reduces attachment and control, making living in faith stronger than living in fear.

These are not absolute truths. They are the practical shifts that moved me from constant internal battle to a quieter, more useful inner life.

Life is a game, and it rewards people who play with it – that’s what I’d say – decide who you wish to be and what you desire to do with life, then make those intentions your action, regardless of the body’s discomfort and the brain’s stupid stories!