Anxiety (Pure OCD) and the feelings of dissociation

Clients frequently describe their experiences with phrases like, “I felt like I was leaving my body,” “the room felt detached,” “I was out of control,” “I felt really tall,” or “my hands didn’t seem like mine.”

As a therapist, I use terms such as depersonalisation, derealisation, spacing out, or detachment to categorise these experiences. Here’s how I loosely define them:

– Depersonalisation: This occurs when your sense of self feels unreal.
– Derealisation: In this case, the world around you feels unreal.
– Spacing out: This sensation feels as though your attention is blocked, and you may get stuck in a momentary trance.
– Freezing: This happens when your body feels overwhelmed, and your ability to move is temporarily inhibited.
– Numbness: For some individuals, dissociation manifests as numbness. They can often still function, but it feels as though their senses have been dulled.

I believe there is also a subcategory of this phenomenon called somatic or sensorimotor OCD, where the individual feels responsible for managing bodily functions like breathing, swallowing, or blinking, which the body typically controls automatically. The underlying issue is often about trusting and letting go of perceived control.

I remember when my Pure OCD was at its worst thirty years ago. It was marked by intrusive thoughts and images related to sexuality and harm. The more exhausted I became, the more intense and frequent these intrusive thoughts became. One day, while driving on the motorway, I suddenly became derealised and felt detached from driving, as if I had forgotten how to do it and would lose control and crash. This sensation triggered an overwhelming anxiety spiral, causing me to avoid driving on fast or dual-lane roads altogether.

This avoidance made me feel foolish, but at that time, the fear felt incredibly real, dangerous, and terrifying. Along with it came the thoughts that I was going mad or that these detached episodes might persist, trapping me in a state of derealisation for life.

I want to clarify that this discussion does not pertain to trauma or the psychological responses associated with trauma, such as PTSD, which can unconsciously cause a person to experience terrifying freeze responses or overwhelming panic. However, I have found that these elements are often present, to some degree, in individuals who experience freezing or dissociation. I address this topic in great detail in video 58 of my course.

What I would like to discuss is how people who do not experience anxiety manage the core dissociative elements of being human.

At night, when we sleep, we detach, derealise and dissociate from our bodies, and all is well.

During a surgical procedure, when you receive a general anaesthetic, you truly dissociate and again, all is well.

When you lose yourself in music or dance, or become immersed in a flow state while writing, painting, or doing another task you love, you are experiencing derealisation.

These are normal human functions. If you believe in some form of life after death, where the body dies but the soul moves on to a different dimension, you could argue that at birth, the soul attaches to the body, and upon death, the ultimate dissociation occurs.

In my humble opinion, there are five valuable ways to view dissociation if happiness is your goal.

Dissociation primarily shifts your awareness from the objective reality around you, which consists of physical forms and materials, to your inner subjective reality. This inner reality is largely shaped by your senses, imagination, emotions, and your capacity to dream at night and daydream while awake. Essentially, dissociation allows you to disconnect from the outer world and immerse yourself in your inner world.

Secondly, it requires a conscious decision to let go and trust your unconscious body to function on its own, to trust it. This is similar to what happens when you sleep or, to some extent, when you drive or dance. In these activities, whether we realise it or not, we often operate on autopilot; our hands and feet instinctively react to the surrounding environment often faster than we can think, and our conscious thinking may slow down or hinder these natural responses.

Thirdly, certain drugs, whether legal or illegal, can cause side effects that alter your senses and transform your perception of reality. Interestingly, while some people find enjoyment and personal growth in these psychedelic experiences or intense emotions, others may feel deeply unsettled or choose not to confront the feeling of being out of control. Isn’t that fascinating?

Fourthly, I’ve noticed that many people who deeply experience traumatic moments of freezing or dissociating often have trapped trauma in their bodies, like energetic emotions that desire to escape. While this can initially feel frightening, I consider it a positive sign. I elaborate on this in Lecture Fifty-Eight of my course.

And finally, (for some) could dissociation or derealisation be seen as toggling between your formless, energetic Soul-based awareness and the body’s awareness, with its brain, senses, matter and mortal fears?

So, my questions for you are:

How might you embrace the idea that your inner reality is like a dream, and how can you craft a more loving, optimistic, and trusting narrative for your inner world?

How might you learn to allow stuck emotions and traumatic energies to escape your body?

Lastly, how might you recognise that the conscious control we have over our bodies (and lives) is quite limited, and that it may cloud (or dampen) the amazing abilities our unconscious brain and body possess to keep us safe, perform tasks, drive, run, repair ourselves, love and unleash our creativity?

What you do with this is your experience of life. I wish you well.

If you want the longer teaching, including video 57 on Pure O and video 58 on what the body may still be holding, you can join The Calmness in Mind Process.