Part 4/5: Tips, Techniques, and Examples for Applying ERP to Quiet Your Mind and Desensitise Your Body

Introduction to ERP and Personal Journey

I’m John Glanvill, author of The Calmness in Mind Process for finding calmness and good emotional mental health.

Welcome – I’m John Glanvill, and this is Video fifty – part four – in my Calmness in Mind series – where we explore common-sense solutions for your calmer life.

I’ve called this video – Tips, techniques, and examples for how to stop responding (to your thoughts and feelings) as you apply ERP to your new life…

This information is based on my personal experience of overcoming anxiety, shyness, self-consciousness, and OCD to a point where they no longer impact my life.

I have chosen to use extreme examples that may seem more suitable for someone with OCD rather than just conventional anxiety. However, the techniques discussed are applicable to all types of anxiety as you develop more self-esteem and courage.

Understanding Anxiety and ERP

Whether you experience discomfort due to feeling contaminated, nervous because of your shyness (or have low self-esteem), or experience an intrusive or scary internal dialogue – you should still prioritise what is best for your life in the long run rather than simply seeking temporary relief from your fears by avoiding that which makes you anxious.

I want to show you ways to consciously stop responding to your unconscious sabotage, though we must embrace the fact that we are all different, and you must experiment to find the way that works best for you.

So, let me start with a quick one-minute summary of the first three parts of this five-part ERP Series, in case you missed them.

And remember, the reason this course is lengthy and repetitive is because I have been chipping away at your unconscious belief systems, showing you new ways to live (and observe life) – and debunking the myth that you are your brain – you have a brain, and you will function just fine if you stop believing everything it thinks and tells you!

And, as you learn to stop identifying with the (over-developed) intellectual part of your brain and begin to trust yourself more – you’ll soon realise that life can be much simpler than you were ever told. (As I detailed in video 40, called “The battle between innate common sense and your over-developed intellect!”)

Transforming Your Mindset with ERP

To overcome anxiety, you’ll need to desensitise your brain and body, develop a new story in your mind, adopt new belief systems, and behave in ways that align with your new intentions – this is just a process which can be followed regardless of what is currently happening within you or to you!

You can’t remain the same person and just release your anxiety – because it’s being you that’s currently causing it!

Also, very often, an anxious person is doing Negative ERP to themselves (as I detailed in video 50 part 1), and they aren’t even aware of the fact they are reinforcing their own limitations – by consistently thinking about that which makes them feel anxious.

Put another way – the most practical way to use ERP, Exposure and Response Prevention – is to consciously Expose yourself to a set of new thoughts and behaviours that will propel you into becoming who you Desire to become and doing what you Desire to be able to do.

And even if you don’t know what you wish to do, you can decide who you would like to become and start living that way (now) in preparation for when you can choose what you wish to do.

Practical Examples of ERP in Action

For example, if you wish to become more social and more entertaining, rather than waiting until your anxiety goes – start doing these things now: start talking to more people as part of your new exposure routines, smile at everybody, start learning and telling jokes.

Even though this new exposure will initially feel awkward – you will be able to (later) tell funny stories about your adventures and mishaps.

One lady recently told me a story about mustering up enough courage to ask a work colleague out for a coffee, but as she spoke to him, she blushed like a beetroot and stumbled to get her words out.

She said that (inside) she was dying and didn’t know what to do – however, the guy figured out what she meant and said, “I’d love to have a coffee with you.”

Over time, they did begin a relationship, and later, once he knew her better, he admitted that he had said yes to the coffee because he had felt sorry for her, BUT as he got to know her and experienced who she really was (beneath her nervous disposition) – he fell in love with her and truly respected what courage it had taken for her to take that first step.

As I keep telling you – courage is feeling vulnerable yet still taking action regardless of the outcome – and her story is such a wonderful example of this.

Developing a Process-Oriented Approach

So, as you consciously Expose yourself to these new ways of thinking and behaving, you consciously Prevent yourself from Responding to the old unconscious (body/brain) thoughts and feelings that try to stop you – you learn to sit with them, interrupt them, or ignore them.

To do this, it makes sense to follow a process to get things done – rather than listening to the ‘old stories’ and beliefs of your brain – or the feelings of your body – which are currently trying to direct you – but tend to keep you trapped in anxious exhaustion.

In my last video, I mentioned that if you have a brain error that makes you function differently from the norm or if you were conditioned to see life fearfully, (perhaps) it might be common sense to acknowledge these facts – rather than fighting them.

This way, you can take steps towards editing that part of your brain and then programming it with a new set of responses by following a new process.

It’s probably best if I give you an example – if your anxiety or OCD was causing you to shower five times a day and each time for thirty minutes or until your body/brain told you it ‘felt’ clean enough – which, of course, is just an arbitrary guess (or random feeling), as how could your body know what ‘clean’ truly is without doing scientific testing?

Plus, (as we know) overwashing your skin is probably removing life-supporting good bacteria (as well as the bad ones), and open wounds caused by excessive scrubbing may increase your chances of getting ill through infection!

Now, I know you already know this, and I’m aware that you know that doing this doesn’t pass the simple ‘common-sense test’ – but you’ll likely still be following the thoughts of your brain and the feelings of your body to direct your actions – when you already know they are erroneous.

This is the unhelpful anxiety loop we often fall into.

Therefore – by switching to my ERP techniques – we change your old methodology of listening to the brain’s thoughts and the body’s feelings to guide you – and we swap it for the most simple, functional, and non-emotional process possible.

You talk to five people who don’t have your problem, i.e., can shower once a day in less than five minutes (and who are not your immediate family) – then you simply follow their process – regardless of how you feel about it.

Showering is just a process – it is not a complex activity governed by overwhelming thoughts and feelings – that is just what your unconscious brain turned it into!

Simplifying Life’s Tasks as Processes

Almost everything is just a process…

Washing your hands is a process… Driving is just a process… Asking for a pay rise is a process… Going for a job interview…

Asking a person out on a date… Saying no… Standing up for yourself… Being nice to yourself… Deciding whether to believe your thoughts or not…

These are just processes you can follow without having to believe (or stop) your negative thoughts – and you can follow any process despite how your body is feeling.

Those who act, then think, then adjust, then act again – will always outperform those who think but don’t act or wait until they have learned everything before acting!

Almost anything can be broken down into a process – and once you take action and see that the world doesn’t end, you can observe the difference between what your inner reality perceived to be true and what the real truth turned out to be – from the outcome of that action in that particular moment.

Let me give you an example of a process: I step into the shower, I turn it on, I step under the flow of water, and I stand under the water for about 2 minutes whilst just gently rubbing my skin and allowing the water to flow over all parts of my body.

Personally, I minimise the use of soap (unless I am covered in mud or grease) as I don’t want all those chemicals going through my skin and into my body – plus, though I wish to feel clean and not smell, I don’t want to wash off the good bacteria on my body that keep me alive and well.

After two minutes, I get out of the shower, dry myself, and get on with living my day.

Then, after you finish the shower (or washing your hands), you sit with any bodily discomfort from following this new process and use active techniques to calm your body down whilst consciously implanting new and more positive stories into your brain, which over time (and with repetition) will usually update it.

Using Positive Affirmations in ERP

You can use any of the techniques I am about to teach you to trick your body back into calmness, and you’ll be using conscious ERP iStory words like:

“It’s my old process that is wrong!” “I will copy what normal people do!” “I will trust my immunity by exposing myself to people, places, and life situations – as normal people do!” “It’s me who is living life erroneously; I deeply wish to change!” “Stepping into life rather than avoiding it is my new desire!”

And seriously acknowledge that these anxiety symptoms you experience (and fear) are just symptoms – the real problem that needs addressing is your underlying exhaustion and not living a creative, connected, and optimistic life.

For those with contamination fears – the usual underlying causes are the suppression (or repression) of your true nomadic personality, which wants to enjoy being carefree, taking risks, being social, breaking rules, flying, taking trains, driving, travelling, and trying new things.

These are what you need to be focusing on, not your symptoms, which try to make you avoid doing them!

OK, let’s jump back to my shower process example – I clean my shower once a week, trying hard not to get any chemicals on me or to breathe in those horrifically toxic fumes, and I change my towel every four or five days.

It’s just a process – it doesn’t matter how your brain or body was anxiously conditioned to react! Don’t turn this new process into an obsession – just use it as a simple guideline to stop being driven by your old thoughts and feelings.

If you are brushing your teeth for more than two minutes, your process is wrong (limiting or damaging); if you are washing your hands for more than 20 seconds, your process is wrong – if you are looking for the ‘feeling’ that your hands are clean enough, your process is wrong – these are just processes, steps you follow – regardless of how your erroneous brain and hyper-sensitive body are currently reacting.

Addressing Obsessive Behaviours

I was working with a woman last week, and she told me that she knew there was something wrong with her anxious obsessive brain because it didn’t give her a feeling of completion at the end of a task, so she had to keep repeating that task until she became so exhausted she had to stop.

For her, it was repeatedly checking doors, windows, electrical sockets, the cooker, and the heating system.

I asked a straightforward question – “Because you know, the part of your brain which gives you task-completion feedback is not working – why do you keep repeating the task, hoping you’ll get that completion feeling – when you already know it doesn’t work?”

She paused and thought for a second and said – “When you put it that way, it does sound silly! But what else can I do when the fear is so overwhelming?”

And I said, “You could follow the process that people without your issue do.

I said each night before I go to bed, I do check my door is locked, my lights are off, and my woodburner is closed.

However, I have learned to trust myself, and I no longer require any confirmation signal from my brain or a feeling of completion from my body.

If I am lying in bed and my brain asks me, “Did you lock the door?” Because I trust myself, I either ignore it completely or I simply reply, “Yes!”

Remember – anxiety makes you doubt; therefore, the antidote is to trust more – one check is fine, two tops!

Equally, if I go on holiday, I often leave some lights on for security and on freezing nights, I may leave an electric heater on to stop the place from freezing.

On the path out of anxiety, it is very prudent to realise (and accept) that life can be very contradictory, and our brains may be very contradictory, too.

Overcoming Contradictory Beliefs

I once worked with a man who was a hoarder; now, rarely do hoarders reach out for help, as it’s usually those around them who are worried about them – and who are seeking help for them.

In this instance, the man was very reluctantly working with me as his wife said she would leave him unless he received some help.

Apart from the hoarding, another issue the man had was the inability to eat out in restaurants or use public toilets – which, of course, greatly affected the quality of his wife’s life.

We were discussing his anxiety about ‘catching something or becoming contaminated’ from public places – I then walked him to his own kitchen and bathroom – each of which was knee-deep in clutter and, thus, couldn’t be properly cleaned.

I said I’d rather eat in a public toilet than in this house – because at least they got cleaned every day.

He just looked at me and said, “I never thought about it that way!”

This is what anxiety does: it makes you focus on one thing – therefore, many other aspects of life become ignored, dismissed, or repressed.

I asked one woman who was always washing her hands and couldn’t touch other people – how often she changed her bedding, and she blankly looked through me and said, “That’s not important!”

Anxiety makes us get stuck in stories, and we must (if we wish to escape it) break these stories by recognising the underlying belief systems and installing new ones.

Personally (as a therapist), I try to avoid working with hoarders (they can be helped), but (for me) it is just too demoralising (and exhausting) to battle with a person who fights to defend their own limitations.

However, I would support the partner of a hoarder to help them to remain sane as they sacrifice their life to that hoarder – or I would help them to find the courage to leave them, so only one life is ruined rather than two.

However, to become this honest with myself, I had to use ERP on my old self and learn how to ignore my old programmed stories ‘of who I ought to be’ and ‘that I mustn’t let people down’, and I had to step into the discomfort of speaking my truth.

Setting Boundaries for Mental Health

These days, I choose to spend my valuable time working with anxious people who want to change and are prepared to do the required work – and I enjoy working with people who (in their jobs) help others, like doctors, nurses, educators, engineers, people in IT, and social workers, because if I can help them, they add value to others too.

However, to live up to my desired intention – I had to learn how to say no to certain people who asked me for help – especially if others wanted them to change (more than they did) – or if they had an overdeveloped victim mentality, or they themselves have a co-dependent parent, child, or partner – which would sabotage them changing.

Initially, I really struggled with my ‘old story’ that I should help everybody, but by being honest with myself and following a process in line with my desires (and intentions), this has become easier.

And the reason I do this is for my own mental health and emotional well-being – not theirs – can you see how a belief can change?

This is why I could never work for the National Health Service or somebody else’s health practice, as I would have to accept (and work with) all the clients referred to me, and (for me) that would be too exhausting and demoralising.

Most people with anxiety are overly nice to other people – I had to learn how to be primarily nice to myself and then secondarily to others – and even then, only if I chose to be nice and if I had enough energy to do so.

In the early days of becoming a therapist – I had to ERP myself to ignore the discomfort of turning a potential client away if I knew they would be unhealthy for me.

I had to accept the discomfort of just being honest with them and saying, “I’m not the right therapist for you”, – whilst ignoring my old conditioned brain, which was telling me – “It’ll be fine; this one will be different; you need the money!” Or whatever story it had for me that week.

These days, I mainly follow my process and only deviate when I know there is something for me to gain by taking on an awkward client or if I have a spare resource of emotional energy in my battery to handle that challenge.

I hope this is making sense. I’m not saying it is right or wrong, just what helped me to live with more integrity, calmness, and energy.

Focusing on Desires Over Fears

You can try to escape anxiety the slow way – by focusing on your fears, but your anxiety will just morph into other symptoms, and you’ll exhaust yourself – running from yourself.

Or you can take the expedient route by focusing on changing your life by following a path that aligns with your intentions – as I detailed in the last video.

It will be by focusing on what you do want (your desires) rather than what you don’t want (your fears) that will allow you to retrain (and desensitise) your incredible brain/body (meat suit), your lovely little pet horsey – into calmer, healthier, and more loving attitudes and to provide him with clearer intentions for where you’d like him to take you.

Practical Techniques for Managing Anxiety

OK then, let’s get more practical – let me show you how to trick your body to stop it from becoming overwhelmed or to bring it back down to a calmer state after being triggered.

And let me remind you, the fastest way out of anxiety is to just accept your body’s anxious feelings and ignore them – sag down into them, breathe through the moment, surrender to what is – and just get on with what needs doing.

However, if you are not ready (or able) to do this, here are a few of my favourite methods for managing your anxious horsey.

Method One: Tapping Technique

Do the tapping outlined in video 8; if you do this as instructed, it will work – and if it doesn’t work – then you are not doing it correctly, so rewatch the video and practice more.

Method Two: Juggling for Distraction

Learning how to juggle with three balls is an incredibly effective way to detach from anxious feelings or obsessive thoughts.

The focus required to juggle consumes both hemispheres of the brain and your brain’s resource-intensive eye-tracking system – this makes it very difficult for the brain to have spare capacity to stress or worry.

Of course, you’ll need to learn how to do it whilst you are calm, so the skill is present for when you begin to feel anxious and use it as an interruption – plus, it’s a cool thing to be able to do, which boosts self-esteem.

Method Three: Double Sharp In-Breath

The double sharp in-breath method which causes the sympathetic central nervous response to be stopped and the parasympathetic rest and digest system to become initialised.

What you do is two sharp but distinctively different actions on an in-breath through your nose – followed by a long out-breath through your mouth.

(Repeat)

And it is good to do this the moment you feel your anxiety beginning or from time to time during the day to stop background anxiety from accumulating. If you want to know why this works, there are hundreds of YouTube videos on this technique – but it just does work, so stop researching it and just start doing it.

However, my favourite breathing technique is detailed in my trauma release meditation in video 43 at the 39-minute time mark.

Method Four: Thumb Hold Technique

Is the thumb hold – where you hold up your left hand with your palm facing away from you – then grab your thumb from behind with your right hand – clasp it firmly, but don’t squeeze too hard.

Then, close your eyes and place your awareness on the sensation of clasping your thumb until you can feel your pulse through your thumb – which normally takes five to ten seconds.

Once you can feel your pulse, open your eyes, release your grip, then regrip your thumb, close your eyes, and repeat the process.

Personally, I find this one of the nicest ways to distract yourself from the brain’s thoughts and to gently calm yourself down.

Method Five: Vagus Nerve Tap

This is another of my favourites, which is well suited for use in busy situations; it is the two vagus nerve tap with long breaths.

You can use the flat of your hand, or better still, take your thumb and middle finger and jab yourself between your ribs about one and a half inches on each side of your midline and between your third and fourth ribs.

It may be a little painful, but just suck that up and whilst you firmly tap – breathe in for about five seconds, hold your breath for two seconds, then breathe out for about 7 seconds and repeat for a few cycles until you feel calmer.

All of these methods work to some degree (but only if you do them), so it is useful to practice them all when you are calm so you’ll remember what to do when anxious.

Note, too, that you can mix and match them to explore what is best for you – and it’s usually a good idea to share these with your partner so they can remind you to take these actions during your more anxious moments when your logical prefrontal cortex gets turned off.

Bring It On Technique

For my final recommendation for handling anxious emotions, I’d like to take you back to video 14, where I introduced you to the ‘bring it on technique’ – whereby, rather than being scared of (and avoiding) negative emotions, we (consciously) softly and lovingly, goad our brain and body into trying to increase them.

We say, “Is that the best you can do? – Surely, you can increase that anxiety? – I’m sure you can make me shake more than this! – Seems like my heart rate is 120, I’d like it to be 150 – Come on, if you are going to scare me, do it properly….”

As ever, just because the horse is scared by all those stress chemicals being released doesn’t mean the rider needs to be bothered at all.

So, experiment with these techniques, but bear in mind that your ultimate goal is just to accept that it is OK for your body to be nervous or anxious.

Sag into the discomfort, focus on your breath, run an optimistic iStory, and ‘pretend’ everything is OK – as you do what is needed each day to take you one step closer to your consciously defined intentions.

Embracing a Range of Emotions

Because, as you conquer your current anxiety – I would hope you’ll start taking bigger and bigger steps towards living a more fulfilling life; therefore, you’d always be pushing the edges of your boundaries of comfort.

Another reason it is useful to wean ourselves away from worrying how the body feels at any moment – is so we can allow it to also feel excitement, enjoyment, anticipation, love, joy, and a whole range of emotions and to not be fearful of – or get stuck in any of them – as they are all just emotions!

Addressing the Fear of Death

Now, for the braver amongst you, let me share a perspective I used on myself, which considerably changed my life following a series of happenings which might be called ‘spiritual’ – including out-of-body experiences, a deep connection with nature, huge energetic connections, and inexplicable ‘downloads’ of knowledge and awareness into me as my levels of consciousness expanded.

I began to deeply realise that all anxiety has at its core (if you dig deep enough) the fear of death, be that yours or that of somebody you care for – and even though I had heard many teachers saying that for years, somehow it took a long time to register with the unconscious part of my brain.

The teachers would say that if you follow a fearful thought right down to its core, it usually ends up with a fear of dying or being left poor, alone, or imprisoned.

What if I get contaminated and die? What if I infect a person I love, and they die?

What if I can’t work, so I don’t have any money, and my house gets repossessed? I’d be out on the street, and I’d freeze to death sleeping rough.

What if my house catches fire, and I get burned to death or lose everything?

What if my partner cheats on me and we split up, or what if I kill my partner as they sleep and end up in prison for the rest of my life?

What if the aeroplane crashes, somebody crashes into your car, the train derails, an earthquake levels your house, a tsunami hits, or a meteor crashes into Earth?

I really could come up with a thousand other similar Negative ERP rumination stories like this that people have told me over the years.

Now, it’s not that those things can’t happen; it’s just that (right now) they are NOT happening – the plane is flying safely, yet the person’s brain is thinking about it crashing, and the observer is believing that story rather than the truth of external reality – which is everything is going well, and they’ll soon be on holiday.

Reframing Life and Death

My life changed quite monumentally when I changed my iStory about death and learned to switch to an optimistic story in my head rather than the old pessimistic ones that had been set up in my childhood.

I deeply realised that I had to modify my unconscious belief system from fearing death – to fearing not living my life and connecting more deeply with the now.

Rather than fearing losing those I loved, how might I love them more fully (and love them how they wish to be loved) whilst they are here with me now?

I slowly realised that down here, in this crazy upside-down world of change, control, and manipulation – this is the perfect place for me to be challenged to the max – it offered my Soul the perfect environment for growth by learning how to accept, change, or influence life towards my intentions and to become lovingly non-attached.

If something goes my way, that’s good, and if it doesn’t, that’s fine too – if we turn up on time, good; if not, that’s fine too. If they like me, that’s nice; if they don’t, well, that’s not really my problem. It’s not about being detached; it’s about learning how to become non-attached.

Remember, we come in with nothing, and we are going to leave with nothing – except what our Soul learns from its brief time here in Earth School which can be taken forward into its next adventure, whatever that may be.

Science states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed – however, it may be transformed from one form to another, from one place to another, from one dimension to another – and energy holds knowledge.

So I really practised – I used ERP to metaphorically ‘die to each moment’ – I learned to drop my old conditioning, my old stories, my old beliefs – and tried to become a new person in each and every new moment called now!

I discovered that – only what was actually happening in each moment was the truth of that moment – and in any new moment, I could act dominantly or submissively, lighthearted or serious, passive or active, caring or selfish, introverted or extroverted, loud or quiet; I could have an opinion or drop all opinions…

That was a powerful realisation – that I (my Observer) didn’t have to have an opinion about anything – even though my conditioned brain very often did have – and that I could just ignore those old thoughts.

I discovered there was no right or wrong way to do anything – once I stopped believing my brain – I could do whatever I wished as long as I was ok with the worst consequence of taking that action.

Breath-Holding as an ERP Technique

Now, I’m not going to talk too much about death as I detailed my perspectives in video 32, part 1 – however, I’d like to share a technique that helped me in very surprising ways.

I can’t remember exactly how I stumbled upon it – but during some of my meditation routines – I became fascinated with holding my breath, not to see how long I could hold it – but to explore what might happen if I could relax into my bodily discomfort and ignore the catastrophising stories in my brain about how silly it was to not breathe.

I became fascinated with what would happen if I could surrender to and get past the resistance to this by my brain and panicky body.

This led me to research how free divers trained themselves to hold their breath for up to ten minutes by learning how to relax their bodies; I also (recently) read that Kate Winslet was taught how to relax whilst holding her breath and was able to manage it for over six minutes whilst filming Avatar 2.

The truth is – even if you are consciously holding your breath, your unconscious won’t let you die; at worst, you’ll pass out to reset your breathing process; so strong is our unconscious desire for survival, and if nothing else, it teaches you that your unconscious brain is in command not your conscious brain – so you may as well learn how to trust it – rather than kidding yourself that you are consciously in charge of anything!

During this time, I deeply matured my ability to remain calm even though my body was ‘seemingly’ panicking and my brain’s thoughts were catastrophising.

Play around with it – see what happens – There is a beautiful Luc Beeson film from 1988 called “The Big Blue” which is one of my favourite films – about competition between two freedivers – one who is noisy and brain-ego-driven and another who sees life differently being led by his heart. I think it is a wonderful film and demonstrates clearly there are many ways you might live your life and relax into fear.

Managing Intrusive Thoughts

Ok, let’s switch focus and jump to intrusive thoughts, rigid belief systems, or obsessive mentalisations.

As I have said all through this course – the thoughts of your brain have no meaning except the meaning you consciously give them.

Let me give you an example; I didn’t get any help for my anxiety or OCD until my mid-thirties and following a nervous breakdown where I spent six months in bed thinking my life was over!

Back then, nobody really knew what OCD was; there was no internet and very few books on the topic.

I was having terribly intrusive thoughts about harming, killing, or sexually abusing people – and these unrequested thoughts, images, and urges plagued my life with the fear I might act on them – and I thought that unless I could understand and stop them, I wouldn’t be able to move forward.

At that time, I struggled to go into restaurants because I thought I might take my knife and fork and stab people or smash my plate and slash people’s necks with the sharp edges.

Looking back on it – it’s quite funny really, as it’s not in my nature to physically hurt anybody. During that time, I thought I was going mad or developing schizophrenia, so my fear was that I ‘might’ do these things – therefore, I tried to stay away from eating out.

It’s obvious now (looking back) that my anxiety stemmed from my biological exhaustion from doing a job I disliked and one where I had the stress of having to entertain clients in restaurants and bars most days.

And my little eight-year-old was unconsciously sabotaging me to get me sacked from my job so I would be forced to stay at home and recharge.

Quite clever, really, though frightening at the time. Our biological unease and imbalance will nearly always be behind our anxiety.

I learned that when we are biologically exhausted or not living a balanced life – our brains use the opposite of who we truly are to try and scare us – to tell us something is wrong and that we need to adjust our lives.

It is those who would never harm another who get thoughts about harming, those who respect others sexually who get sexual thoughts, and those who are most sane (but who have complex personalities) who fear going mad.

Those who are dominant and usually need no reassurance become plagued with doubtful thoughts, making them seek reassurance.

And those who desire to be in a relationship (and typically care about others) – become subject to thoughts that sabotage their existing relationships or stop them from forming new ones.

In all these scenarios – your own unconscious mind is just trying to get your conscious attention to tell you something is wrong with how you are living your life.

Typically, anxiety is driven by unresolved past trauma, exhaustion from illness, being bored, lonely, working too hard, being in the wrong relationship, doing the wrong job, not loving yourself, not loving your body, or having to take responsibility for people or things you don’t truly wish to take responsibility for.

Once you can see this pattern – it is not that hard to recognise your unconscious is just using your imagination to scare you and to get your attention – no more and no less!

Re-engaging with Life Through ERP

From this new perspective – and realising you’d never do those things – the next step is to use ERP to walk back into the behaviours the anxiety originally pulled you away from, which will allow you to re-engage with life.

I had to go back into restaurants, ask for a steak knife, and queue up in buffet lines holding a plate – accepting the discomfort and running a conscious iStory that I am a kind, loving person who would never harm anybody.

Remember, as I stated in my last video – if your thoughts are about harming or sexually abusing others, you must run a new iStory about who you wish to be – about safely being with those people, dancing with them, cooking for them, and the like – do not try to make those ‘not normal’ thoughts normal as conventional CBT mistakenly tries to teach.

Over time, my thoughts backed off to become like echoes from the past and no longer caused me any worry – but importantly, I had to primarily address the underlying causes that had kicked it all off in the first place, which was doing a job I hated and making myself exhausted from trying to be perfect by worrying about what people thought of me!

Desensitising Your Senses

Another technique I would deeply urge you to experiment with is the desensitisation of your hyper-sensitive senses and your nervous system.

I give an example of my walking meditation in video 23 at the 22-minute time stamp, and in video 38, I give another ERP desensitising example at the 31-minute mark of closing your eyes and standing still in the centre of a shopping mall and surrendering to the feeling of being out of control.

I used the development of my warrior nature to bravely face my fears and the expansion of my nomadic nature to become a little more outrageous and open to taking more risks.

Currently, one of my favourite desensitisation techniques is to walk around the town I live in (and its coastal promenade and harbour) with my noise-cancelling headphones in my ears (but no music), just silence, and I sit on a bench with my eyes closed – or lean on a rail overlooking the sea and close my eyes, so I have no idea of who is behind me or what any other person is doing.

Now, I do live in a relatively safe area – and because I have been doing this for a long time, I can usually sense (energetically) if any person is behind me, but still I ignore them.

Can you see I am trusting myself and those around me and I’m hanging my senses out to dry to show them that they aren’t always required?

In fact, last week, we had a huge storm hit the UK – probably in the top five I’ve ever seen, and at its height, I went down to the harbour to experience the energy, wind, rain, and power of the storm – it was exciting, exhilarating, and scary too – however, I want my little meat suit to be able to function in those conditions without becoming overwhelmed.

Of course, you need to adapt this to a method that may suit you – and the desires for who you wish to become.

One book that really showed me that we could begin to trust more is “The Surrender Experiment” by Michael Singer, which I really loved, and it shows what is possible as you let go and trust the universe.

Also, if it has been a while since you watched video 17 about how trackable our senses are, it may be prudent to rewatch it along with video 43 about placebo, which is the power of installing new, more positive thoughts and ideas into the unconscious brain.

Additional Tips for ERP Success

Now, in the final part of this video, I would like to rapidly go through a few more tips and techniques that I would advise you to play around with.

Reframing Conflict and Confrontation

Let’s start with the words conflict and confrontation – I hear it all the time, people saying, “I hate conflict!” – But think about it: how can asking for what you want be called conflict? How can standing up for yourself be called conflict? How can asking others to treat you more respectfully be called conflict?

Surely, these are just the actions of a person exhibiting self-respect and self-worth? Therefore, I’d like you to ban those words – conflict and confrontation – and replace them with what they truly are – which is just honest communication with your well-being of primary importance.

The other person may not like it – they may become angered, or perhaps they’ll be surprised and say, “Sorry, I didn’t realise that bothered you!” But, either way, you are finding your voice and honestly stating your needs – and this is self-love in action, regardless of the outcome.

Optimistic Inner Dialogue

Another question I often get asked is… “As I switch to a more trusting and optimistic iStory inner dialogue, what might this sound like as currently, my inner dialogue is very fearful and negative?”

My reply is quite simple: you talk to yourself as if you were your own nervous child.

“You can do this…” “I have faith in you…” “Follow your dreams…” “This is not my responsibility, so I can let it go…” “I desire to make this happen…” “I won’t be treated that way…” “I can choose to let that go…” “This is not my problem…” “This is my problem so I will deal with it!”

Dropping the Empath Label

Next up, I would suggest that if you identify as an empath, you drop that label – and just see yourself as a person who likes helping others if you currently have the emotional bandwidth to do so.

It is very possible to be aware of other people’s pain without having to join them in feeling it. As I said earlier, becoming lovingly non-attached is a very powerful skill to develop.

Rather than saying, “Yes I can feel how upset you are, I really want to help you…”

You might say, “Gosh, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now; what do you think you are going to do about it? I am here for you if you need me – to the degree of how much time, energy, or resources I currently have available to help!”

Once again, this is just being honest – and so often, empaths are unknowingly helping others to avoid their own pain and problems that need addressing!

Using Vices as Rewards

Another tip that I found to be very powerful is to use any vices you may have, not to avoid life but as a reward when you have taken action to change your life.

Have that glass of wine once you have applied for those jobs, or smoke that cigar once you have done 2 hours of ERP, or watch that movie after you have decluttered your house, perhaps smoke that weed (or eat that ice cream) after you have come back from visiting friends or doing your chores.

Try to avoid using your vices as a way to feel better about avoiding life – use them as part of a reward for changing your life and getting things done.

Reframing Risk as Opportunity

And finally, how might you reframe the word risk into something more useful, such as increasing opportunity or applying some excitement to your life?

Very often, the more risk you take, the more opportunities open up for you – the more you ask for what you want, the greater the chances you’ll get it. The more you talk to others, the more social opportunities will arise. The more you smile at others, the more they’ll smile back; the more you grow, the more value you’ll be to potential employers; the less drama you do, and the more fun you’ll be to hang out with.

I think the concept of risk – should be reversed, and you might ask yourself, “What are the risks associated with remaining single, staying in a job you hate, being unhealthy, worrying all day, and not loving yourself…?

We Expose ourselves to the life we wish to have – and Prevent ourselves from the Responses (of our brain and body) that try to stop us from taking action!

Conclusion and Next Steps

Ok, there are lots to consider. Nobody said it would be easy, but it is possible if you desire it enough and if you keep changing your old stories and beliefs.

So, as you get on with applying these techniques, I will make the last video in this 5 part ERP series – which will be on the topic of finding and releasing trapped trauma and emotional pain.

Until then – walk boldly into your new life.