Creating and using your new identity wisely

I’m John Glanvill, author of The Calmness in Mind Process for overcoming Anxiety, OCD and Depression.

In this video, we will discover more about our identity and how we may (unknowingly) be training others to treat us in ways that don’t serve us well – and may even reinforce any negative stories we have about ourselves.

Back in video 13, which I think is the most important video in the course, we explored “What is the feeling of I?”

I introduced you to some concepts that (a) I hope made some sense and (b) I hope you have been experimenting with.

My model proposed that your “feeling of I” is not your mind or your body – but, that you (have) a mind and a body.

That when the body was under general anaesthetic or even just asleep, ‘you’ vanished off somewhere.

If in a coma, where are you? Your body works just fine – without you being there!

Your body doesn’t need (you) – your body is calmer and repairs itself faster – without you worrying, intervening or trying to control everything!

Plus, your body unconsciously makes decisions without you; it responds instinctively in an emergency without you; you just react – it doesn’t need you.

But – you need it!

You are the rider of the horse, but not the horse itself – it gets on without you.

So, are you living your life in a way where – the horse controls you – or are you learning to retrain and influence your horse in new ways?

Do you follow the horses’ agenda or programming? Or, are you using your horse (the mind and the body) as your vehicle to ride out on – a tool that you use to engage with life?

I said that “I” seems to be like a formless twenty-year-old energy that never ages; it just looks out of our eyes, watching everything that happens – and we have been calling this aspect of ourselves the Observer.

I proposed that when the body dies – this formless energy either evaporates into nothing and it’s game over.

Or this formless energy moves onto some other plane, and we might call this energy our Soul.

And, regardless of what you believe happens upon death – for now;

We have our little eight-year-old formless energy that we might call our ego, our protective personality, which belongs to the little horsey – our body.

And we have our twenty-year-old Observer, the rider and the part of you I am asking you to locate and begin to identify with.

Is your self-identity wrapped up in the story of your horse, the experiences of your body and mind?

I’m not very clever.
I can’t do that.
It’s not fair.
I’m too scared to do XYZ.
It’s wrong to break the rules.
I am not as good as him or her.

Or is your identity aligned with who you (the rider of the horse) would like to become?

I am learning to be OK with vulnerability. I am learning how to speak up for myself.

I am not taking things personally.
I am creative.
That is NMP – not my problem.
I care, but don’t care – I care about you, but care not for all your drama. I will speak with truth and integrity.

So, our sense of self, which we might call our identity – who we think we are – defines the role we play in life.

It’s how we demonstrate who we are to the world – through our words, actions and behaviours – it defines how other people see us, how they interface with us (or not!)

What are the beliefs that were trained into our horse? Culturally, religiously, domestically, sexually, racially? And although those old programs are there – can we detach from them or change them?

I know for some people they don’t believe they can change themselves (or don’t want to); they say, “Well, it’s just who I am!”

If that is what you still think, after watching all my videos – then, that’s fine, it’s not a problem; you just might not be ready for change yet.

Because it’s totally possible to let go of old negative identities. It’s possible to adopt/generate/create new identities – until, such a time, you’ll become aware that we hardly need an identity at all!

However, as you consider how to change – I think there are three key areas where having an identity is helpful to us.

Firstly, our self-identity tends to unconsciously define (within our minds) the concept of who we think we are.

Thus, if our identity is weak, negative, pessimistic or ‘less than’ in some way – we tend to talk ourselves out of taking action, we may not stand up for ourselves or bother creating big dreams for our future.

However, suppose our internal story about ourselves, our internal identity is strong, positive and optimistic.

In that case, we will be unconsciously guiding ourselves towards our purpose. We will recognise and grow our position in any social hierarchy. We will make positive decisions based on self-worth that take us towards what we want from life.

Now, many people don’t even consider that the identity they have for themselves is malleable, can be changed, upgraded, expanded, and even dissipated.

Until I was thirty-six, it never even entered my head that my identity could be changed (or that it even mattered) – I thought my identity was fixed, inherited, or pot luck.

It’s just unlucky that I have a depressive nature, or he is lucky to have more courage than me, its unfair that she is cleverer than me.

However, these days it is drastically different (in my head) – my story of who I am. The many and varied stories of who I am and who I can be…

So, let me try and give you some examples of the many and varied identities – that reside within my head.

There is my quiet warrior identity, who lives in my mind and comes out when needed.

He’s a gentle warrior, firm yet fair, honest and with integrity, helps and empowers, nurtures – leads by example.

I also have my nomadic identity (silently, in my head); he is playful, naughty, indulgent, cheeky, bends the rules, tries to have fun.

I see my settler identity (silently in my mind) as the part of me that comes forward – when it is not in my interest for my more my natural controlling warrior or playful nomad to appear.

In any situation, My warrior may (perhaps) step up and take control. Or my nomad (might) inject some fun or lighten an otherwise serious situation.

Sometimes neither behaviour is appropriate – so, those identities wait in the wings and out pops my settler identity.

My settler is introverted, quiet, tends to agree with everybody, has few opinions, helps out, doesn’t rock the boat, and tries to make sure everyone is OK.

I’m not saying any of the three is right or wrong – just that, (My) inner identities are clearly defined, I am very comfortable with them, they each have their value – and at any given time, I can choose which one I step into (and out of) – they are all aspects of me.

Each has its individual style, values, beliefs, needs, behaviours, opinions and desires.

Each gets bothered in different ways – the warrior gets irritated if action is not being taken, the nomad experiences boredom quite easily – and my settler hates small talk, but will endure it in a social situation for the good of the group.

I always have access to these three personality types, but importantly, I only use one at a time; I choose the correct identity – for the task in front of me.

There are other identities too, creative, adaptable, resourceful, mindful – these don’t make me perfect or better than anybody else – they are just a robust and healthy way to identify with my positive and best self.

The inner virtual reality story – that I tell myself is done with self-worth and self- love – regardless of what my programmed little eight-year-old used to think or still tries to clings to.

This means I rarely have internal conflict as these identities are my team, and they work for me; they are instruments in my toolbox of life skills, but they are not me.

The second reason I think identities are helpful to us – is that they (unconsciously) broadcast a signal to other people, informing them of who we are, which allows them to (again unconsciously) understand who we are and how they can choose to behave – when in our the presence.

If someone approaches you and they are smiling and full of beans – they are (unconsciously) broadcasting who they are in that moment – you can then (unconsciously) decide how to react to them in a way that is best for you…

Oh good, they are fun; I like them – I will (unconsciously) broadcast my sunny side back to them; “Hey, how are you?”

Or, you might (unconsciously) think – I haven’t got time for idle chit chat today – so I’ll broadcast an – I’m rushed and send a busy signal back to them.

Your (unconscious) mind will try to pre-empt the situation and offer what (it) thinks is best for (you), but as we have spent a long time exploring – is this reaction your programming, or is reaction consciously who you want it to be in that moment?

Do you have a conscious choice? Or is your old (unconscious) “identity” choosing for you?

So, in this second scenario, I am saying, “how can we (consciously) pay attention to what” identity signals” are being (unconsciously) emitted from us, leaked from us via our childhood programming, thoughts, emotions and behaviours …in any moment?

Let me give you an example; a friend of mine has an identity behaviour that he emits (unconsciously). I call this behaviour the no, no, yes routine.

If I said to him, “would you like a glass of wine?” He’d say, “no thanks, I don’t want to be any trouble.” (That’s the first no) I’d say, “It’s no problem; I’m having one.” And he’d reply, “no, it’s OK.”

So I would go off to get my glass of wine, and as I returned, he’d say, “Oh, go on then, yes, I’ll have a glass!”

So I would have to go back out and get another one. It was the same with food or any interaction where he would receive some gift or service.

I saw him do it with others, too – it was just something his ego had learned to do sometime in the past (maybe it served a purpose back then, got him some attention, some feeling of control over others? I don’t know? It doesn’t even matter.

A few years back, I decided that I didn’t want to be (unconsciously) manipulated that way – but I also knew that this person was very touchy about receiving criticism.

So, I simply changed my behaviour, altered my identity from a pleaser – to a more warrior, functional and direct approach.

So, upon receiving the first no, I would just walk off and not give him a chance to change his mind. I would remove his opportunity to get the glass of wine – or at least make it more uncomfortable, so he would need to ask for it directly later.

In less than a week, he stopped his unconscious no, no, yes routine – and simply said yes first time with me, but with other people still ran that old routine.

He was unconsciously (and still is) annoying others without even realising he is doing it!

So for us to become consciously aware of our (and other peoples) unconscious identity broadcasts – is a vast area for personal growth and enhanced communication skills.

Now, the third way your identity (or team of identities) might help is by training other people – to treat you in new ways – that may benefit your happiness.

Many people don’t realise that how people treat us is often down to us – and not necessarily that other person!

I was in a cafe waiting to be served – when the Manager shouted at one of the waitresses, who just sheepishly said “sorry”.

Once the Manager left, a second waitress said to the first one, “why didn’t you say it wasn’t you?” – And the first waitress said, “she scares me, and I don’t want to upset her!”

On one level, you can see that this is one way of handling it; it may diffuse the situation – if you want a quiet life, keep your job or avoid conflict.

But you might also say – that by (being submissive), the waitress was indicating to her Manager that it was OK to treat her in a forceful manner?

The waitress was scared – however, the Manager was unaware of it – because the waitress didn’t tell her.

Perhaps the Manager did know she was scared and was using that to manipulate her? Who knows?

But, keep in mind what I have been teaching you…

The definition of self-esteem is; the degree to with which you are nice to yourself (through your thoughts and actions) – and the degree to which you stop others from being disrespectful to you – (or at least not take it personally).

So, let me introduce to you the concept of our Virtual Reality Stories! This concept is very subtle and has huge ramifications if we a looking to have advanced relationships with ourselves and those around us.

There is the other person in all our relationships – and there is the virtual reality story we have in our head – about that person.

Who we think they are, how (we) think (they) think. How (we) think (they) will respond to us, what (we) think (they) like and dislike.

These Virtual Reality Stories that we have about them (and the ones they have about us) come from all the experiences we have had with them, what we’ve been told about them and from all our old programmed preconceptions.

We tend to treat people in line with our virtual reality story of them, not the reality of who they are – unless we know them really, really well – or they have

always been very honest with us and told us the absolute truth of what they think and feel in each moment.

We’ve all experienced situations where a friend has said, “I bought you some XYZ’s because I know you love them! “And you are wondering why they would think that? Because, in reality, you dislike xyz’s!

This is a great example, as, in their mind, they were sure you would like it (so it is true to them) but in reality, you don’t (which is true to you.)

Sometimes, even if we say, “Thanks, but I don’t like those”, they might even say, “don’t be silly, I know you do!” – So strong is their Virtual Reality story of who you are – that they don’t even believe or listen to you!

To expand this further – what should you do in any moment where their virtual reality story about you is wrong or out-of-date?

Especially if you are doing lots of change work, like this – but their virtual reality hasn’t yet seen enough of your new behaviours to have updated itself – remember these virtual reality stories are mostly unconscious and automatic.

Going back to that xyz gift – you could lie and say, “Oh, thank you, I love it”, and it may make them feel happy, but you are perpetuating the error in their virtual reality story about you.

And if you say, “actually, I don’t like those”, you may upset their feelings in the short term; however, you are retraining them to have a more up to date and realistic virtual reality story – so future interactions may be more appropriate.

Let me expand on this – generally, a person with anxiety has low self-esteem, dislikes conflict and tries to please other people.

So if a boss, partner or dominant colleague says something like, “why did you do that?” they unknowingly jump to a justification, like “Well, I didn’t have much time” or “I thought it would be the best thing to do.”

Whereas, if we get smart – if a person said, “why did you do that?” Then, surely, in their mind, they were expecting you to have done something different!

So, rather than jump to justifications – we might say, “What were you expecting me to do?” Now we can see what their Virtual Reality story of us is.

So we then have a choice – do we try to update their virtual reality story about us (to one we want them to have about us), or do we leave it the same – or can we tweak it to our advantage (or perhaps even to their advantage?)

A friend of mine who knew me when I had my OCD still treats me like he did twenty years ago – when he finishes a cup of tea or a glass of beer in my house, he takes the cup out to the kitchen and rinses it – saying, “I know you like it all tidy!”

This is amusing, firstly, as it doesn’t bother me these days, and secondly, even when I had my OCD, I would never have just rinsed a cup and left it on the drainer; I would have dried it and put it away!

He is treating me how (he) believes will make me happy, and even if I say, “You don’t need to do that”, he doesn’t believe me! So, I just let him do what makes him feel happy; it’s not worth the hassle of me trying to update him as we only rarely see each other.

He is still locked into that old Virtual Reality story he has of old me – which is OK! But if his behaviour was annoying me or his Virtual Reality of me was disruptive, I would need to act in new ways that might reprogram him – as I did with my no, no, yes friend.

Let me give you another example – a few years back, I dated a woman for a short while, and one day while we were in the kitchen, she said to me, “You never empty the dishwasher.”

This was funny (to me) because I like emptying the dishwasher; obviously, her brain was running a Virtual Reality story about another person, but for some reason, it had expanded to include me?

Now in that moment – I knew she was wrong, but she unconsciously thought she was right – so there was no point in me arguing with her.

So I thought to myself, I need to update her Virtual Reality Story of me (which in fact was somebody else) – so I said, “OK, I will try harder to work on that!”

So, to reprogram her Virtual Reality of me – only emptied the dishwasher when she was in the room with me – I didn’t say anything, but I did make sure she saw me do it – her virtual story of me saw new evidence. After a few weeks, she said thanks for working on that – I just smiled to myself, as nothing had changed except her virtual story.

I know these are light-hearted examples I am using, but let me give you some bigger ones? What if your boss’s virtual reality of you was that you enjoy doing overtime, but in fact, you were just too scared to say no when they asked?

Or what if your boss’s virtual reality was – that they were paying you enough, that you were happy with your salary, but you were just too nervous to say that you were unhappy about what they were paying you?

What if your husband thinks (him) cutting the grass makes (you) happy – when what (you) want is for him to help more time helping with the children?

Can you see – that how we behave, and how we communicate about our feelings – sets up in the other person a virtual reality story of who they think we are, which becomes the basis of they will unconsciously treat us!

As I said before – if a person says, “How are you?” and you say, “I am fine, thank you.” This may be a polite answer, but if it is not the truth, you are programming an incorrect parameter into their virtual reality story of you.

I heard two friends argue, where one said to the other, “I can’t help you with that; don’t you realise how stressed I am!” And the other one said, “Are you stressed? You never said anything – I only asked (you) because I thought you could handle it…”

We need to be consciously aware that our words, behaviours, and unconscious identity broadcasting are a vast topic and an area of our life where we can make giant leaps forward.

When I go on vacation, I don’t tell people I am a therapist; I say, “I’m an engineer!”

I don’t want them treating me like a therapist (asking questions and looking for help) while I’m on holiday getting away from that aspect of my identity for a few weeks.

I hope this is making sense?

In many of the spiritual or self-help books I have read, a common statement that keeps popping up is: “Die to each moment” – or “you can be reborn in each new moment.”

And for years, I missed the power of that statement; however, when the penny dropped, it was profound.

They were saying, there is only now, here’s the next now, the next now, the next now – you are stationary and time moves through you – it is always now.

The future never comes, and the past is already gone – it is not your past that influences the next now, it is what you do in this now, that may influence the next now.

Therefore, in every new now, die your old story of yourself, let go of all those stories and programs. Shed those old negative personalities -adopt new, more positive ones.

In every new now, you can be a totally new person, you can be (and do) whatever you want in each now, regardless of your past, regardless of your virtual story of yourself – and regardless of everybody else’s virtual reality story of you!

This is powerful stuff and very liberating! Although your little eight-year-old, your protective personality is going to kick and scream, but (as you are learning) that is not your problem, it’s the horse’s!

So, if you ‘die to each moment (or should we say choose to live authentically in each moment) – how will you know which identity you should become in each new moment?

And the answer to this question is quite simple…

You become the most appropriate identity (in that moment) whose words and behaviours take you towards your intentions for your life.

Is what you do each moment in-line with your goals and intentions – or moving you away from your goals?

And how can you adopt the appropriate identity for that moment, in line with your intentions – and regardless of the feelings, emotions or inner dialogue that your little eight-year-old, horsey or ego is using to stop you?

If your intention is to be in a relationship – but your ego is scared of asking a person out – then this is not the correct identity to be used at that moment because it is taking you away from your goal!

Perhaps, you need to adopt the playful nomad’s personality – and whimsically say, “I’ve seen you around, look really interesting, can I buy you a coffee and learn more about you?”

And though your settler may be scared of rejection, you are not using that personality; you are using the fun nomad personality, who is not scared of rejection but is scared of missing out on fun and connection!

So, this is why I keep going on and on about what do you want from life? How would you like it to be? What job would you like? Where would you like to live? What type of relationships do you want? How would you like to express your creativity?

Because if you know, you can make decisions in the now (with the appropriate identity) that will take you in that direction.

Couple this with a clear hierarchy of what is important to you – then decision making becomes relatively easy.

For example, my health is more important to me than my job, so if my job were making me ill, I would quit it (or at least change the way I do it).

I can make one video each month, but making two would stress me, so I just make one.

So, if you know what you want, if you have a clear decision-making hierarchy and flexible identity skills, life becomes much more manageable.

So let’s regroup because, over the last 21 videos, I have thrown a lot of information at you!

We looked at all the different parts of the brain and how they operate separately and differently, we explored the fact that we are emotional creatures who learned to think, not thinking creatures who try to control their emotions.

We learned that we need to consciously retrain our unconscious mind, through repetition and placebo – and that if we don’t, we’ll just keep on getting more of the same.

We need to reprogram our unconscious mind by telling it what we consciously (do) want for our lives.

And even if we don’t know what we (do) want, we can still program our unconscious mind and body for how we would like to (be) regardless of what we will eventually choose to do.

For example, calmness, courage, integrity, humour, freedom, self-worth, confidence – or whatever behaviours mean something to you?

We learned about the emotional energy battery and the six months leading up to anxiety.

And that when it was flat, our mind and body struggled to make decisions and fell into the trap of using logic and reason to find answers to life’s challenges of – love, relationships, parenting, work and creativity, none of which are logical or reasonable!

We learned that when our biology had become exhausted from all the worry and stress – our unconscious survival behaviours kicked in to sabotage our lives in ways that made us retreat from life, work, relationships, health and travel.

Our ego, little eight-year-old, protective personality – came up with doubt, anxiety, OCD, phobias, depression, psychosomatic illness, IBS, headaches,

inflammation, pain, fatigue and finally, guilt and shame-based disorders like bulimia and anorexia.

Anything to pull us back from life – hoping that we would stop thinking, stop worrying and stop continuously drenching our biology in stress and fear chemicals.

We learned that if the anxiety or depression wasn’t strong enough to stop you, it jumped to the big guns of OCD to scare you into withdrawing from life.

We then learned about epigenetics, the realisation that your brain and cells live in darkness and guess what is best for you. If you are screaming and fearful, your blind biology thinks danger is out there and keeps you in a state of continuous ‘high alert’ ready for all that danger.

And that if you trick the brain and the body, if you placebo them, they think it is safe out there, so they turn off those fear systems and turn on the wonderful rest, digest and repair operations.

We saw that most diseases were not hereditary – they were behavioural, worried parents made worried kids, the stress peptides triggered (or not) the expression of any particular gene.

We saw that the amygdala in the brain – got programmed – dogs are dangerous! – you must wear a mask! And that with the right tools, you can unprogram it and even recalibrate it to your advantage – which is what exposure therapy is all about.

We learned that fear and trauma may be held in the atoms of our body, stored as trapped trauma, held in our atomic battery, making us dense, depressed, slow, low vibration, exhausting us.

And we need to vent that trauma, that stuck energy; we need to find it and release it. But what will it feel like when it is coming out? It will feel like anxiety – stored potential energy, being released as kinetic energy via the agitation of your matter – which is lovely, it’s a good thing, cry, sob, shake – let it out!

We learned that we sometimes get lost in our cover stories – that mask our true selves. I’m an empath; I’m a carer, I’m a healer. No, you are a human, with human needs.

We learned that much of our trapped trauma might be hidden by our ego, hiding traumatic events from our conscious awareness or changing the story about what really happened in past events.

Therefore, it is good to meditate on past experiences to allow those land mines to be unearthed and detonated.

We explored the power of our DNA personality. How much of our natural dominant warriorness or rebelious, nomadicness was suppressed during our childhood?

Forcing us into behaving like settlers, being nice, fitting in, following rules, avoiding conflict?

And can we find ways to realign with those former intrinsic parts of our nature?

We saw how our senses were so easily trickable, we don’t look out of our eyes – we see the image our brain creates for us in the back of our head.

Wow, how cools is that? There is the world out there and the world in here.

Do I, as the Observer, have a different strategy for each world? Can I be calm in here, even if it is mad out there? Yes.

And can I be calm in here – even if the body is responding to erroneously released fear chemicals – or is venting trapped trauma?

Yes.

Then we learned about the incredible power of our beliefs, that they need to be stated in the positive – if we say “I do want more friends,” that is a clear target our mind can take us towards.

But if we say “I don’t want sadness” to the mind, it doesn’t mean anything – so it is ignored.

Then to the most underused part of the human brain, our (RAS) Reticular Activating System – It manages our attention, goal achievement and safety.

We absolutely need to (daily) tell it what we (consciously) want from life.

We tell it where we want our conscious attention to be placed, what goals are important to us and teach it that safety does not come from fear; safety comes from taking action to change our lives to what we want them to be!

Otherwise, the RAS will focus (you) on what (it) was programmed to focus on by school, parents, culture, religion and any other obsession your little 8-year-old might be using to sabotage you with – and stop you from getting on with life!

We learned that rather than identifying with OCD or anxiety – we need to drop that story and see ourselves as a clever person with a complex personality.

Which is good, powerful, advantageous – however, we need to learn how the many aspects of our differing personalities need to work together as a team, one at a time, the best part for the situation you find yourself in.

I know I am repeating myself here, but this is how we learn; this is how we reprogram ourselves from the shocking realisation of how programmed we actually are!

We can rewire our brains, recalibrate our chemical soup, express better genes, release more favourable molecules of emotion into ourselves. We can recalibrate our cells to have more receptors for happy peptides and less for stress ones!

But it starts with a new dream of ourselves.

So, let’s back up to 10,000 feet and look down on your life.

Where are you heading? Do you know?

Ask yourself, is the focus of my attention, is where I place my energy – going internally, being wasted on how I feel?

Wasted on chasing the feeling of happiness – wasted trying to avoid the feeling of anxiety, sadness, boredom, exhaustion?

Is that where all your energy is going?

Or – is the focus of your attention – being placed externally?

What do I need to do now? What actions do I need to take now? What do I need to start doing? What do I need to stop doing – right now?

To create a new situation and environment conducive to my future happiness.

Regardless of how uncomfortable it makes my little horsey feel, that’s not your problem; it’s the horsey’s problem.

Your problem is; how can I define the life I want to live? How can I break free from my old stories? How can I let go of those old restrictive personalities?

How can I force myself into doing what is best for me in the now, in-line with the positive dream for my life – even though there is no motivation, no energy, and my horsey is crying like a baby!

(pause)

Because, now, we are talking self-worth, we are talking about the conservation and wise use of our energy, we are not wasting it on anything that is not in-line with the future we desire – and are creating by the actions we are taking right now.

Then, how can we continue to reprogram, recharge and rebrand your horse (your mind and body) so they become an effective tool – that support you on your new journey?

You are both going down the same road – not pulling in opposite directions, wasting precious life energy.

Now, at this point, a new word often arises – Authentic.

How can I be more authentic? True to myself? From beneath all that conditioning, domestication and cultural programming…

How can I courageously speak my truth, ask for what I want, stop selling myself short, put myself first?

Ask yourself, who (or what) is holding me back? What virtual reality stories do I have about myself, that no longer serve me well and need to be dropped?

What behaviours do I need to change (within myself) to update the virtual reality stories in others, my family, my friends, my work – so they start to treat me differently?

What new personality traits do I need to adopt or learn that will enable me to align with who I want to become?

We can do so much to help ourselves, and the first step is to get out of our own way – by dropping all the old stories.

And your homework…

Perhaps go back to video 13 and revisit my metaphor of the horse and rider – try it on for size, share it with your family, use it in your own inner dialogue.

Then, consider the virtual reality stories you have about yourself and others – write down which ones you would like to change.

Explore which new behaviours you could adopt that would challenge and update the virtual reality stories in those around you – that will change how they treat you in your favour.

Ask yourself, is my home, job, relationships, social life, hobbies (distractions and sabotages) serving me well?

In an ideal world, how would they be? – Because if you don’t know, your RAS is just going to keep serving up more of the same.

And that is self-abuse – plain and simple!

What types of new personalities can you begin to adopt and play around with – becoming more warrior, nomad, extrovert, introvert, selfish, honest, dominant, forceful, playful, creative, inspirational?

And finally, write it down, make a vision board (see video below) – write, draw, animate, video – capture a picture of the life and the person you wish to become – I promise you it is worth it.