Defining your values, decision-making & setting intentions

I’m John Glanvill, author of The Calmness in Mind Process for Overcoming Anxiety, OCD and Depression.

This Video builds upon the last one, where you decide what you think might happen when you die and how you might choose to live this life now.

Because being armed with that information will allow you to choose which values and beliefs may help you follow this (now) path most effectively.

It might also be prudent to rewatch Video eighteen, where we discussed the importance of beliefs and retraining your RAS with your new goals and intentions.

Remember – that to rise above anxiety and depression – we must learn how to think and behave differently, so, by earnestly exploring what is important to you, there is a huge opportunity for personal growth and profound change.

Over the years (as a therapist), I have asked many people what their values and beliefs are – and it always surprised me how few had seriously considered this question, let alone took the time to write them down.

Now, I don’t want to get too caught up in the distinctions between values and beliefs; simply stated, I think beliefs are convictions we generally hold to be true, and values are ideals we hold to be important to us.

And as I have mentioned in earlier videos, just because specific values or beliefs were conditioned into us during childhood doesn’t mean we can’t step back and re-evaluate if they still serve us well.

Or check to see if we might need to adjust some to suit who we wish to become and how we want to live our lives now.

Changing values can have a powerful effect on recharging our emotional energy battery too, which I still believe is one of the foundational requirements to escape anxiety and depression.

For example, as I implemented NMP (not my problem) as a belief system (which is the ability to discern where my boundaries of responsibility in any interaction began and ended), it drastically reduced the volume of things I had to think about.

Another justification for exploring your values and beliefs is to help decision- making become faster and easier.

Plus, if you know who you are, what you want and where you are going – you can ignore any thought or action, not in line with those goals!

So, let me take you through a model I created back in 2005, which I developed to help me define my values and beliefs, and just for fun, I have used many of my old values from that time as examples.

And for those of you who might be interested, I have the progression of my values listed on my website.

This process helped me enormously to escape my OCD mind and presented a sound foundation as I transitioned to this place of emotional flexibility and calmness.

Therefore I would like to share the process with you – and (though it is challenging and time-consuming) I earnestly encourage you to do this work because it compels you to think about what you want – and it powerfully conditions your brain into taking action.

So, let me walk you through the process – and the files I am using here will be available for you to download in the notes section below this Video.

—- Video —–

So, here’s the document we will be using to develop your decision-making framework via the definition of your needs (and their importance).

The example I am using here is one that has already been completed with the data shown in red text.

We start with a description of the process.

Then we jump into the first step, revisiting where we left off in the last video, answering the question, “What do you think happens when you die?”

Does life end with death – or does life continue after the body expires?

Remember, you can’t sit on the fence with this one – is this life a brief flash in the pan sandwiched between darkness and eternal nothingness?

Or, does a formless energetic part of us begin a new chapter in our immortal and infinite journey? The horsey perishes, but the rider rides on…

Even if you don’t know (and how can you?) Pick one option that you believe to be true – as this perspective will influence how you choose to live your life in the now.

Then, as we discussed in the last Video – Do you wish for your life to have meaning (or not) – and if relevant, how do you see God (or the Godliverse?)

Do you want your life to be passive or active?

Tick the statements that apply to you – and, of course, add anything I have missed that are important specifically to you.

If it helps, the mindmap I used in the last Video can be downloaded from the notes section of Video 32 – Part 1.

The next step is to begin formulating your needs hierarchy – and what I mean by that is…

Which aspects of your life need addressing right now? Where is your focus going? Are you focussing on that which keeps you stuck or that which takes you forward?

For example, if getting a job right now was more important than your health, yet you spent 90% of the day worrying about your health, this is not in line with your actual needs.

So, we capture from the top box which aspects of your life are really important to you (over and above what the anxiety/OCD and depression are trying to sabotage you with!)

Try to prioritise the top four and place them in the third table (as seen here in red).

We then look to the middle table to choose which modalities of operation we might use to address those needs – what styles of thinking or behaving will you bring to the fulfilment of these needs?

We then add these to the bottom table – and spend a moment considering and documenting the benefits of addressing these needs.

Finally, we briefly articulate why addressing these needs is so important to you.

Next up, we merge the results from the previous page into a statement of intent that clearly defines what is important to you and your current needs hierarchy.

At this stage, don’t get put off by not knowing how you might achieve these goals – we are just being honest with ourselves about what we know needs to happen and how we might like to see the world.

Try to be optimistic rather than pessimistic, and perhaps, set your sights a little higher than usual – why not, you ARE worth it – well, I think you are, even if you don’t think so just yet!

Try to make this statement of intent compelling; perhaps share it with your partner or friends and ask them what they might add. However, stay away from sharing it with pessimistic people – as they will likely just pick holes in it and shoot your dreams down.

You might also consider from which perspective of Warrior, Settler or Nomad are those needs coming from and which aspect of your personality might the solution be coming from?

OK next page NP – In this next step, we’ll begin capturing what beliefs, values or concepts are important to you.

This is achieved by looking through a list of words with the idea of contemplating – if that perspective – is essential to you or not?

If not, just strike it through – however, if a perspective grabs your attention, I’d like you to ask yourself…

Is this a value or perspective that is important to me?

Is this a value or perspective I wish to change or stop?

Or, could this be a value or perspective that might be worth me adopting or developing?

Then go through the list highlighting any words that fit those previous classifications.

I would suggest you take your time – or even do this with a person who knows you well so they can point out anything you miss. However, (as before) if that person is a pessimist or has a negative outlook on life, they may not be the best person to use!

If English is your second language, you may want to translate some of the less familiar words to ensure you don’t miss anything.

OK NP (slight pause) Collate all the highlighted words in the table on this page, then group together any similar ones – for example, happy, humour and fun can be grouped, as might calmness, being and oneness.

Then mark them with an A (if they are a core value) or B (a nice to have value) like in example number three.

Next up NP 11 – You choose the top ten most meaningful values, perspectives or behaviours that might help you handle this period of your life – then prioritise them by importance, with the most significant at the top.

Then, add a sentence describing why these values mean something to you.

NP 12 – In this next section, we reflect on what we have learned through the course. I’d like you to consider if any of my teachings may be helpful to add as new values or when appended to your existing ones may enhance their effectiveness.

For example, when I went through this process, I decided to make playfulness and being more rebellious and cheeky a new value of my Nomad. Of course, my Settler didn’t like that, but he could see that his nomadic teammate did need that outlet.

I also upgraded my value of honesty to include the four agreements statement of ‘being impeccable with my word’, meaning being very truthful in my external conversations and being consciously nice to myself within my conscious inner dialogue.

Onto the next page – We now collate all the values, prioritise them and add a brief statement of why that value is important for this stage of your life.

Remember, these can change as you grow, and we can revisit these values as your life circumstances change.

The Next Page (14) – is one of the most critical stages – so please don’t rush it. You are going to write a precise statement of intention about each value – in a format that clearly explains;

Why it is important to you
What you used to do
What you will now do
And what having this value may bring to you that is positive.

For example; if your value was HONESTY – you might write

‘This is important as I wish to find my voice and stand up for myself. I used to be scared of conflict or upsetting others, but this just made me anxious and angry on the inside. I will speak honestly (my truth), but I can still be polite. I do realise that unless I honestly tell people what I need, how can they help me or allow me to become more authentic?’

Remember, too, that values are allowed to contradict each other based on differing circumstances, like behaviours with your family differing from how you might be at work, or varied aspects of your personality that may overlap, such as the Nomad being selfish and the Settler being caring.

On the next page – you work your way through all your values, expanding the statement about who you wish to become and how you would like to be.

Really think about what you want, why you want it and how you might go about being it.

OK, let’s scroll down to the last page –
Here, we gather your perspectives on life – from page five, and remind ourselves of your needs hierarchy – which is where you are deciding to place your energy, awareness, focus and activity.

Finally – we close this document by writing about three or four actions – things that you have an intention to do or achieve over the next ninety days.

Write clearly and optimistically about what you want and why – then spend some time imagining what it might feel like once it has happened…..

So that’s the process, it’s quite a challenge, your little eight year old is going to try and sabotage you by saying you are too busy, too tired or that you don’t know what you want.

And I just say, get on with it! – Because those who do this work will be very surprised about what happens.

I found it very useful to have those last few pages printed out and stuck to the fridge door or on my desk, which kept them front of Mind and daily being there to retrain my RAS, which if you haven’t grasped the power of by now – you

might want to recognise that this is anxiety sabotage in action, as I discussed in Video 30.

Once you have your life attitude, your values and your needs hierarchy in place – decision making becomes much simpler – because if your choice is in line with them – do it (regardless of how it makes you feel) and if not, don’t do it (regardless of how you feel!)

It was funny revisiting and re-editing this document as many of the statements I use here as examples were the actual declarations I made to myself back in 2005 – and the first one is especially sentimental – about calmness.

I wrote (about calmness) – “I used to worry about everything and how my body always felt, I want a powerful sense of ease and calmness inside myself. A tranquillity that stops me from feeling stressed and allows me to be more objective in the decisions that I make. Perhaps I can begin some form of light meditation or, at least, take time each day to relax, plan and reflect upon the issues of the day.”

It’s amazing how far we can come and how pivotal and motivational documents like this may be – I now even have a company called Calmness in Mind!

I guess what I am saying is – this stuff really works, but knowing it is VERY different from actually sitting down and doing it.

OK, so, I will place two documents in the notes section below this Video for you to download

One will be a completed document like I used in this video to give you ideas.

The other is a blank document you can use as a template to guide you through the process and where you can add your information.

I will also save them in Word, Pages and PDF formats to make them more accessible.

Now, in this next section of the Video, I would like to share a very simplistic, yet powerful model, that I found to be useful on many levels, including; understanding myself better, generating more behavioural flexibility and optimising my creativity – or you might say lessening my time spent trying to understand myself and wasting time through procrastination.

I call it the LEAP model as it enables you to leap from one positionality (or type of behaviour) to another in seconds, and through conscious awareness of the new stance you have adopted, your mind is kept free of any conflicting stories that you ought to be doing something else.

Let me explain – if we draw a graph, and on the Y-axis define a behaviour scale representing how generally passive or active a person is – whilst the X-axis describes if that person is more logical or emotional, in the way they think and respond to life.

I am being very simplistic and generic here, but to give you some examples – a person who was logical and passive might be a research analyst.

Whereas logical and active behaviours might be those of a company CEO or Managing Director. They too may have an emotional side, but usually, emotions are put to one side so action can be taken in the now.

If we jump to the quadrant that is defined by passive and emotional – some types of monks might be located there especially if they are spending hours in silent meditation.

And finally, in the active and emotional quadrant, we might find entrepreneurs and adventurers who are following their hearts and dreams, driven by gut feelings or emotional excitement.

And it might be worth contemplating, where you might place yourself in this framework – or consider where you were before you had anxiety or depression – or where you feel (emotional) or think (logically) you might like to operate from as you get yourself on an even keel.

One of my goals – back when I started my recovery, was to be able to consciously move into any quadrant (as required) by my needs in that moment,

be it passively and emotionally calm like when reading a book or active and logical when choosing to make something happen.

But as have said many times in this course – when you are choosing to be operating from one of those quadrants – don’t listen to your little eight-year- old who wants to pull you back to her comfort zone.

OK, let’s clean that screen and observe this framework in another way. Should we overlay the Warrior personality type (from video 16) you can see the typical space it operates from.

You’ll see it not very natural for them to be too passive – or even too emotional. Something else I should have mentioned earlier is… Don’t get caught up with the image that a warrior needs to be strong, aggressive and intimidating.

They can be calm, gentle and assertive – or, quiet, inspirational and determined – there are many ways to become more responsible for your choices and the outcomes in your life.

If we overlay the Nomads preferred area, we can see that they are very emotional, often very active, but can also chill out and do nothing much more easily than the warrior.

And finally, if we overlay the Settlers preferred behavioural location it might look something like this – although some settlers may be more active, logical or emotional, however, if that is you, perhaps you are a warrior or Nomad masquerading as a settler?

Remember from video 16 – I think many people who believe they are settlers, have in fact, hugely repressed warriors or nomads which is what is causing their underlying anxiety.

Nomads don’t like warriors as they are too serious, warriors don’t like nomads as they can’t be controlled, warriors tolerate settlers as they can be made to do things and settlers like warriors because they set boundaries, protect and make decisions for them!

OK, let’s shake this up again and observe this model from another simplistic perspective, that of common mental health or personality issues.

Perhaps in the passive and emotional quadrant we might place depression? Whereby simply becoming more active and logical things may begin to improve (even though you might not feel like pretending to be active or logical?)

Typically OCD falls into the passive and logical quadrant (when the individual’s behaviours are viewed externally) because though they think they are being active and logical – it is within a framework of being stuck – rather than getting on with being logical and active moving their life forward.

In the active and logical quad we might place a person with Asperger’s where they have a huge potential for getting things done in a rational and logical manner.

Then finally, in the lower right quadrant, with active and emotional behaviours, we obviously have those with ADD or ADHD which I discussed in video thirty- one.

However, we also have those with the Pure O type of OCD where there are intrusive thoughts, but no perceived compulsions (because the compulsions are to avoid things like knives, people or places rather than to do things) – so, you can see what Pure O usually affects repressed nomads.

My theory is that Pure O affects repressed nomads, conventional OCD affects repressed warriors and there are a small group of very clever and talented individuals that have both a repressed nomad and a repressed warrior – therefore have OCD and Pure O which is very debilitating until they can separate and untangle their complex personalities into smaller more manageable parts.

And of course, anxiety resides beneath all of these conditions – yet is still a symptom, as the causes are emotional exhaustion, worrying too much, being too controlling, pessimism, doubt, loneliness, childhood conditioning, trapped trauma, situational discomfort that is not being addressed and other poor lifestyle choices.

So, if this model is interesting you – questions to ask yourself include…

Which sector has become your comfort zone and is it serving you well?

Then, which sector does your anxiety take you into when it consumes you? Do you become dominant like a warrior, victim like a settler or excessive and hedonistic like a nomad?

Next up, we ask for your life to get better which quadrants may be worth stepping into (or out of) for a period of time?

Then, what stories or beliefs systems are holding you back?

Another interesting way to use this framework is to map your family members on this graph to see which sectors they operate from – so you can observe your conditioning or improve your communication skills with them.

Then, as I did when I learned this model – can you ask yourself, “Can I develop the skills to be able to operate in any of these quadrants even though it may feel a little alien at first as the behaviours are new and will require some getting used to.

Finally, I would like to share a discovery I made about myself a few years ago which helped me enormously to become more creative and productive.

Because my OCD was due to my seeing myself as a settler, but in truth having a repressed warrior and hugely repressed Nomad – this meant that I had the combined super-power of extreme logic and intense emotions.

Of course, back then, it tied me in knots and I unknowingly used that super- power to perfect anxiety, OCD and depression – which led to fear, misery, sadness and huge boats of procrastination.

However, once I could step into my Warrior, Settler or Nomad personalities as I needed each one – and as they became a team rather than fighting each other – I still had to learn how to optimise their combined creativity and productivity.

It took me a while to recognise, but this is what I learned about my own creative process. (modify the Video to add procrastination after point 1)

Each time I sat down to be creative, I would have lots of ideas (maybe even too many ideas) but, I struggled to produce anything without being able to see the whole project or the endpoint.

This caused me lots of frustration and procrastination, but I would plough on, thinking and trying stuff.

Then one I would sit down and for a couple of days I would be super productive, logical and rational work ideas would just flow out of me and my motivation would be high.

Then on the third day, it would just disappear and I would unknowingly return back to passiveness, frustration, procrastination and dismay as to why my creativity had diminished?

Then after a few more days of procrastination, I would suddenly become creative again, but with an emotional bias, exploring how things might look and feel.

Once again this would evaporate after a couple of days and once again I would return to passive procrastination.

Then a few days later, and all of a sudden, I would become super active and work would just flow out of me until it was finished in no time at all and of a high-quality and often surprising myself.

Once I untangled my Mind and could see the way it worked it was ‘kind of obvious!’

At the start of the project, my conscious Mind would consider all the options and outcomes required, those specifications would then be passed to my unconscious Mind to be processed and actioned.

After a while my warrior logical mind would take over and analyse all the options, they would all then be reprocessed by the unconscious Mind before it was passed to my Nomad emotional Mind for more processing from a different perspective.

Then finally it was all assembled, analysed and reconstructed in a final piece of work that could just flow out actively in a single burst of work balanced nicely between logic and emotion.

Knowing this I could Fastrack my Mind into each of those steps, thus speeding up the process.

Now, that’s just the way my brain works and I would encourage you to explore how yours operates – and to expand the process of trusting the power of your unconscious Mind to come up with great ideas – assuming your conscious Mind is quiet enough to receive them!

OK, a quick summary.

Download the three files in the notes section below (in my course) and start the process of generating a decision-making process via, your views on life, your needs hierarchy and your new values and beliefs.

Write it all down, print it out, share it with those around you – and keep reading it each day to train your RAS, the Reticular Activation System into knowing what you want and why!