Accepting fear and using ERP to desensitise your body

There is nothing to fear except fear itself

I’m John Glanvill, author of The Calmness in Mind Process for Overcoming Anxiety, OCD and Depression.

I’ve called this video – There is nothing to fear but fear itself – which (I believe) is a smart quote attributed to Franklin Roosevelt.

So, could it be that we can learn to accept fear (or even befriend it?) – and perhaps consider, – does fear even need to be an issue?

Can our horsey be afraid but the rider be indifferent to that bodily emotional response?

And I am talking from experience when I say you can reprogram the brain to be less fearful, less negative, and less pessimistic, and you can radically desensitise the body to remain much calmer.

And it’s worth doing this work – because unless you develop a new relationship with

fear, worry and stress, your inner subjective experience of life (which we might call your happiness) will always be regulated by what is external to you.

This means you’ll either fear (that which is external to you) or attempt to control (that which is around you) or distract yourself (from fear) by working hard or trying to save or rescue others (or the environment) around you.

And in my experience, most anxious people have unconsciously developed a unique mixture of all three coping strategies!

Now, I am not saying these behaviours are right or wrong; I am just asking – do they make you calm, happy and energised or do they stress and exhaust you?

Is there another way to experience life that is braver, yet calmer and less stressful?

Anxious and depressed people seem overly sensitive to external stressors, which cause their brains to generate negative, scare-mongering or catastrophising stories, which induce within them the battle we call mental health issues rather than the dance we might call life.

These external fear stressors often include

• The people around you
• Worrying what others think of you
• The beliefs systems of those around you
• Your own belief systems
• Your sources of information
• Your health
• Your living environment
• Your working environment
• Religion
• Finances
• Mainstream media fear-mongering
• And the events happening all around the world

I am asking you to consider… Is it possible to be in this world and not be driven by fear but instead be driven by love, desire, hope, calmness and positive intentions?

Surely, if some people can handle fear well, it tells me that anybody can develop a new relationship with fear should they choose to do so and put the required reprogramming work in – I managed it, why not you?

I started by asking myself, “What is fear anyway?”
The dictionary says fear is a very unpleasant or disturbing feeling caused by the presence

(or imminence) of danger, be that real or perceived.

Let’s break that sentence down into smaller pieces…

Fear is a very unpleasant or disturbing feeling – well, what if you can learn to tolerate that unpleasant feeling? It’s only a feeling, right?

Because if you can tolerate unpleasant feelings, then you naturally evolve into a person who can add value to other humans and society at large.

Because those who are not overwhelmed by their emotions, or you might say, can inhibit the fight or flight response can go anywhere, do anything, and talk to anybody.

These guys retain the use of their brain’s problem-solving (and intellectual) prefrontal cortex during times of intense danger or stress.

Whilst those who can’t inhibit it – limit their lives by seeking safety or security (or, we might say, unknowingly imprisoning and limiting themselves).

And should danger arise, their logical brain is turned off and replaced by the brain’s more basic limbic animal responses (which is my little eight-year-old story) of lashing out, running away or just helplessly freezing on the spot.

I know you know this stuff – but to consciously comprehend and apply this knowledge to reprogram the unconscious brain is a very advanced human skill that few take the time (and apply the repetition) required to master it.

But if they do the work. They will be desensitising their central nervous system, which deregulates the brain’s hypersensitivity, thus releasing less fear and stress chemicals into their bloodstream, which in turn, reduces the body’s workload at a cellular level, which (obviously) leads to more health and vitality both physically and mentally.

It might be helpful to jump back to video 7, where I discussed epigenetics and how we might pretend to be happier (or less scared) as part of a 6-month program to re-engineer

our cells to have more receptors for happy peptides and fewer receptors for stress and fear-based ones.

To a certain degree, it is possible to influence our inner chemistry and subsequent biology – yet few people seem to take this life-changing perspective very seriously.

Especially if the individual has a victim mindset – they might say, “there is nothing I can do because I have anxiety.” Rather than considering, “Is the way I am thinking, behaving and not connecting with life making me anxious?”

The second part of the fear description states – caused by the presence (or imminence) of danger, be that real or perceived.

Now, in my simplistic (but well-considered) way of looking at life, that means if danger is happening, are you calm and alert enough to handle it? And if it is only perceived, how can you stop running those scary virtual reality stories that trigger anxiety or exhaust you into depression?

Indeed rather than not doing something because we are fearful, perhaps we could do it with other perspectives like caution, awareness or alertness.

I am considering making a video called ‘The best advice I would give my younger self.’

And right up there, in the top three would be – Fear is just a word, a label; it is imagination mixed with physiology.

I say – keep your imagination but use it creatively, not destructively and learn to accept the physiology part – as that is only a bodily sensation.

We must learn how to let go of resisting fear, sag into it – allow it to run in the background until it dissipates (because it always does) – I am asking you to become comfortable with the discomfort.

All of our fear-based physiological reactions are just in response to the chemicals our brain and body have chosen to secrete at that moment and will only last as long as it takes to burn them off.

If you think about it, that shouldn’t be scary!

To me, one of life’s most fulfilling events is when a young child suddenly overcomes a fear and, within a few minutes, has changed an outlook on life that will subsequently serve them well.

A friend told me about a recent experience where her two daughters, one aged five and the other seven, were freaking out over a giant spider in their kitchen. She and her husband were also uneasy about removing it too (which is probably where the children’s fear had initially come from) – so nobody took any action to remove it.

(I must just add a quick disclaimer here – in the UK we don’t have any poisonous spiders!)

Then, by chance, the children’s grandfather turned up; he looked at the spider and said, “I love spiders; they are so fascinating and wonderful. I call them all Geoffery. Let’s help this guy out into the garden – does anybody want to help me?”

He gently picked up the spider and asked the young girls, do you want to look at him? He’s beautiful and fascinating. Both children stepped away, but he encouraged them to come forward with his calm and gentle approach.

Within a couple of minutes, he had encouraged the younger girl to allow the spider to step onto her hand, and she gently carried it out to the garden, pleased as punch and no longer scared of them.

The elder sister had chosen to cling to her fear, whilst the younger one had embraced and overcame her fear in seconds – she had unknowingly ERP’d herself.

Later that morning, the woman thanked her father for being so wonderful with the girls – and he replied, “I bloody hate spiders, they give me the creeps, but sometimes you just need to embrace fear to get things done with no drama!”

He did have fear and didn’t want to touch the big spider, but that didn’t stop him – he managed his discomfort, he moved towards the problem, not away from it – he became a great role model; he hadn’t let fear or anxiety rule his life!

Know this – change is not about fear or anxiety going away; it’s about becoming Ok with them being there.

These days fear never stops me from doing what I desire to do because what I desire to do is more important than how my body feels in any moment.

The rider still gets what he wants, even if the horse doesn’t like it, but with repetition, the horse becomes desensitised and more courageous.

In my last video, I mentioned my first out-of-body experience, where I found myself looking down on my own body, and three things fascinated and subsequently changed me.

Firstly, I could still see and hear everything – though those organs (my eyes and ears) were in my real body down there.

Of course, this means my Observer (or Soul) has similar senses; this (kind of) makes sense, or how will it ever get back to wherever it goes?

Secondly, my anxious thinking stopped; obviously, my old conditioned fearful thinking was of the brain down there, and the thoughts of my Observer or Soul were naturally calm and still.

Finally, I didn’t feel any fear. Well, how could I, when my form (the body) was down there, and this other part of me was the intelligent and conscious (non-physical) energy form hovering above it?

That experience (which I have subsequently had many of) really helped me to escape my anxiety. Because I could so clearly see those fearful thoughts and scary feelings were of the body – whereas my Observer or Soul is an intelligent energy form – piggybacking off my body.

And should you not believe you have a Soul – then another way of looking at your Observer is as your energetic life force, prana, chi, or your formless inner 20-year-old (as I described in video 13) – that upon the body’s death just dissipates back into nature.

In the first half of my life, I had been so engrossed in my brain’s conditioned thoughts and my bodily sensations that I had never detected (or aligned) with this other side of me.

I was so busy being the horse that I was unaware of the intuitive rider who had always been present and was more the ‘real me’ than I could have ever known.

Now, if you have been following this course closely and doing the homework, reading the books, doing the exposure therapy, leaning into fear and exploring who you wish to become and what you wish to do – you ought to be in an interesting place by now.

I would imagine you are currently experiencing one of the following conditions.

• You might be doing really nicely, so well done you! Now is the time to dive even more deeply into this course as the second and third time around, all the videos will make even more sense.
• Maybe you consciously understand what I am saying, but because you are still overwhelmed by the fearful thoughts or feelings, perhaps it’s been challenging to do the Exposure work.
• Or, perhaps, you have been dipping in and out of the course, but your life is too busy to find enough time and effort to implement this knowledge fully.
• Another positionality might be – that you are so exhausted from caring for others that there is no time to care for yourself.

• Perhaps, you think that this knowledge is all well and good, but (in the back of your mind) you think you are too broken to be helped. Or have some genetic fault that can’t be fixed.
• Or, it could be that not knowing who you wish to be and what you want to do sabotages you from moving forward.
• Or, perhaps, your family are knowingly (or unknowingly) keeping you stuck?
• Or maybe some combination of them all!
  Either way – now might be a good time to consider which perspective you are currently operating from, as this will show you what you fear – and I am urging you to step into that fear.
  OK, back to this video – I want to explore why (and how) to desensitise your body from unrequested thoughts and the body’s physiological reactions.
  

Now, I am not saying the unconscious thoughts should go away; I am saying, how can we ignore them, recalibrate them or replace them with new, more optimistic, trusting and helpful conscious ones?

So, let’s begin by discussing how to form a new relationship with your body. And I think what I am teaching is different from what the medical world proposes and slightly different from most alternative therapies in one significant manner.

Whereas yoga, mindfulness and meditation teach you how to go deeper and deeper into your body to reconnect with it, I am suggesting (if you still have intense anxiety) that you pull yourself out of your body.

Detach (from identification with your body) – jump to the Observer or Soul perspective – then desensitise and recalibrate your brain and body – before re-engaging with your emotions and your underlying intuition more naturally.

Because for those with fearful anxiety, overwhelming OCD or heavy depression – the body is often a place of fear, pain, distrust and is often disliked.

And for those of you who have lived your life with physical pain or bodily loathing from abuse or some kind of disfiguration – you may not even know how to (or want to) deeply engage with your body.

Therefore, how can you go into that scary place to do the required work when it keeps

sabotaging you with fear, trancing you out, or if your relationship with your body is one of disdain, disgust or self-loathing?

So, if this sounds like you (or you have tried going deep inside, and it hasn’t worked), what I am about to teach (I think) is one of the missing pieces of the jigsaw.

Ultimately our goal is to be OK with whatever the body is doing in any moment, for it to be of no real significance to us as we are more interested in what we desire to do in any moment.

Can we be OK with THE body feeling anxious when we try something new?

Can we be OK with THE body feeling excited if we do something fun?

Can we be OK with THE body feeling embarrassed if we mess something up?

Can we become OK with THE body getting angry?

Can we be OK with THE body becoming aroused?

Can the rider, your formless energy, your Soul remain still or calm, regardless of what your horsey, the body, and the brain are doing?

Can we stop running stories (or believing stories) about why the body is anxious, what the trigger might have been and how to control or avoid it happening again?

What I am pointing to here is… Can we develop the skills (through the repetitive practice of new behaviours) which will enable us to detach our awareness from the body (or to connect deeply with the body) at will to suit our best interests in any moment?

Perhaps detaching so we can act, perhaps attaching so we may experience a positive emotion or someplace in the middle where we may have our attention tuned into

nature’s intuitive energy flowing through us beneath our thoughts and feelings, communicating and guiding us, as I discussed in video 37.

I think this way of being is especially important for those who currently identify as being sensitive or empathetic people.

Because, why would you want to feel anothers’ pain? Why would you want to sensitively have your emotions sentimentally pushed and pulled by events and the people around you?

Surely, it will be more helpful to be less emotionally involved (lovingly detached, you might say) to serve yourself and others more objectively and from a higher energy field.

I would propose that calling yourself sensitive or empathetic ought to be a subset of some other identity rather than a classification in itself.

Let me give you an example – I might say of myself, “I am a teacher who has empathy for those with mental health issues who are seriously prepared to help themselves.”

Whereas, another might say, I am a teacher who has empathy for those who can’t help themselves.”

Or another person might say, “I am a teacher who has empathy for all in trouble.”

Perhaps another teacher might say, “Empathy is a restrictive emotion, I act in each moment towards what appears in front of me – in a loving manner to myself and others, and that will change from moment to moment depending on the situation of that moment and how I feel in each moment…”

I don’t know what the answer is – I am just sharing with you how my brain sees it all. Just because the Dalai lama or Mother Teresa can unconditionally love everybody doesn’t mean I can – these guys are rare Saints who have dedicated their lives to selfless service as a choice.

What is your choice? I think that sometimes we need a break from being our old selves so we can explore who our new selves might become.

I hope this is making sense?

This is why I spent so much time in video 37, part 2, explaining the map of consciousness and how the higher you raise your consciousness (and hence energy levels) does affect other people who reside in your new energetic field, plus it shows them that change is possible.

So, as we learn to desensitise our fear responses (which is the ERP I keep referring to), I need to revisit my story of the Observer, which I have been talking about since Video 2 of this course.

I know many of you understand what I am describing. However, some of you have told me they still can’t find (or connect) with their Observer, so let me give you some tips.

Your Observer is simply your awareness; it is that which is at the top of your sensing hierarchy.

For example, an unconscious thought can’t sense itself.

You can only recognise your unconscious thoughts from a higher level. The unconscious thought rises, but only from the conscious part of your brain can it be seen.

Then your conscious brain may add a comment or a story about that unconscious thought, like, “Why did I have that thought?”

But equally, that conscious comment can only be registered (or seen) from a higher level, which we might call the personality or your brain characters like the judge, the pleaser, the victim, the rebel.

And all their views and comments can only be seen by the next level up, which is your ego – who (erroneously) thinks it is in charge.

But even then, if the ego says, “No, you mustn’t do that!” This comment can only be registered from a higher level – and this is the Observer perspective I keep referring to.

Perhaps another way of describing it is – as awareness – your Observer is formless awareness or attention.

An energy of awareness that sits just behind your eyes (just watching, regardless of whether your eyes are open or closed). It has no opinions. It just watches.

I think we mistakenly identify ourselves with the body or the musings of the brain rather than our true self, which is the awareness that energises that brain and body.

And by disengaging with the identification that you are your body, you can free yourself from identifying with its thoughts or emotions too.

I have a body, but I am not my body; the body will die, but my energy will move on or just dissipate back into nature.

The emotions are of the body, the thoughts are of the brain, and I am that which observes and energises the body’s sensations and the brain’s conditioned thoughts and all the associated electrical and chemical links between them.

Try this, squeeze your left-hand thumb and forefinger together like this, then close your eyes. Now place your inner awareness (your Observer) on those fingers.

The degree to with which you can keep your inner awareness (your mind’s eye) on those fingers without being distracted by internal thoughts or external events – points to how much authority you have over yourself.

With your eyes still closed, keep your awareness on the fingers and observe that the sensation of them gently squeezing together – is of the body. If you feel any awkwardness or embarrassment whilst doing this – these are sensations of the body.

And you can observe those sensations (or emotions) in that body that the experiencer of the body is feeling, but you are not the experiencer; at this moment, you are the Observer.

As you keep your eyes closed, can you see this is such a subtle distinction?

I am not my body, but I have a body.

The body is emotional, but I am not my sensations or my emotions – but I can silently detach and observe the emotions within the body.

Keeping your eyes closed – now, squeeze your right thumb and forefinger gently together as well, and place your Observer’s awareness on both your left and right hands fingers gently squeezing together.

You’ll notice that it is possible to place your Observer awareness in two places simultaneously – and you can sense the pressure in each hand to the exclusion of other sensations in your body.

Where your attention goes – the energy of awareness flows, and the sensation grows.

And as you try to keep your Observer awareness on both hands, perhaps you’ll become aware of thoughts coming in from the brain. “Where’s John going with all this?” or “that’s interesting.”

Thoughts come up from the brain, the intellect, the ego, the characters, the persona – and you can just observe them – and there is no need to respond (or give any meaning to) those thoughts of the brain – you can just watch them or ignore them.

The brain has thoughts, but I am not my thoughts; I am the Observer of the brain’s thoughts and the chain reactions they instigate.

Where your attention goes – the energy of awareness flows and the sensation grows, and the unrequested thoughts arose.

Such is the nature of the body, but I am not my body; I have a body, and I am the witness to these conditioned responses.

And regardless of what THEY are feeling, and regardless of what THEY are saying – YOU can place your awareness on the right action that will align with your desires at that moment, over and above all that inner noise and drama.

OK – open your eyes.

Can you see that from that perspective of your Soul or conscious awareness, or the Observer, it is not about being in control – it is about being OK being out of control and only placing your awareness on what you do want to happen, not what you don’t want to happen?

How could you ever be in control? You can’t! Our energetic Observer is a parasite living off the body, the body doesn’t need the Soul, but the Soul needs the body so it can learn by engaging with love, life and creativity in this short time we are on this planet.

When the Observer stops fearing the body and stops believing the brain’s thoughts, this is when significant change is possible.

I remember working with a guy who had serious OCD, and he asked me if there was a quick way out of it. I said there was, just to become fearless and drop your need for control or specific outcomes at any moment.

He said, “How do you do that?” I said, “If you feel brave, I’ll show you.”

But it will involve us leaving my office and driving to the shopping mall.

He said, “I can’t go there. I haven’t been there for twelve years!”

I said, “Why can’t you go?” And he replied, “It’s too overwhelming for me.”

Can you see he was identifying himself as his body? He hated the sensation of fear and being out of control, so he dominantly tried to avoid such situations.

It took a month or two, but after I had taught him that he could calm himself down with the tapping and the breath-work – and that he was the Observer, not his body, we drove to the shopping centre.

And, bless him, he was petrified but courageously stepped into his own fears. He kept asking what we would do, but I wouldn’t tell him as I was asking him to trust me and to trust himself – and to trust not knowing.

This was a whole new concept to him – that you don’t need to know anything, you don’t need a plan, you don’t need to know what people think, you don’t need to know what you’ll do next – you can just silently be!

Your ego and all your characters want to know all that virtual reality information – but the Observer doesn’t; it just watches.

We went to a big shopping centre which has a large internal square where there are often markets or concerts happening.

On this day, I made sure that the square was clear, so people were just milling around.

As we got closer, he said, “Though I’m terrified, I am also excited and intrigued; this is a new feeling for me!”

Finally, we arrived at the square, and I said, “are you ready?”

He replied, “What are you going to get me to do?”

I said, “Nothing.”

I want us both to just walk out into the centre of the square and close our eyes, stand still and do nothing.

He said, “Why?” I said, “It doesn’t matter why; it’s just what we are going to do.”

So we walked to the centre of the square, and I asked him just to close his eyes and stand still for as long as he could and that I would stand next to him to make sure he was OK.

I told him to close his eyes and to sag and relax his body because that would trick his brain into thinking it was safe outside.

Then to squeeze both thumbs and forefingers together and keep (as best he could) his Observer awareness on his fingers; nothing else – for as long as he could.

And that, if he became agitated, to softly and slowly soothe himself with a soft inner dialogue to trick his central nervous system back into its parasympathetic rest position.

I told him that the words I wanted him to soothe himself with were, “It is safe to surrender, I have courage, it is safe to surrender, I surrender to this moment, I trust myself, and I trust my environment, I trust myself, and I trust my environment.

He was shaking like a leaf, but he closed his eyes and just stood there, in the middle of a shopping centre, in a busy plaza full of people, with his eyes closed.

Now some of you watching this might say – that’s easy; I could do that, but, of course, you need to adapt this process to whatever your specific fear might be.

So, he courageously stepped into his fear.

And in that moment, his desire to change was driving his intentions, not his body’s fearful emotions or his brain’s catastrophising stories.

He lasted about forty seconds before he became overwhelmed and opened his eyes.

He told me (or should I say his anxiety told me) that he understood what I was doing, but he felt stupid standing there, and it felt dangerous as he might be attacked as he stood there with his eyes closed.

I told him that it was safe, security cameras were everywhere, and most people weren’t even looking at him.

Then he said, “Oh my God, I don’t trust anybody or anything, not even myself!”

Now, of course, he already knew that – but the enormity of it really hit home in that new situation of taking action.

I told him, “Well, you seem to trust me, so let’s try something else.”

I said, “What if we stand together and you put your right arm around my shoulder, and we both pretend to look at my phone, but you close your eyes? It will look normal, like two friends watching a short video – then your ego might not feel so awkward.

I said put your right arm around my shoulder, orientate your head to look at my phone, close your eyes, gently squeeze the thumb and forefinger of your left hand together and place your Observer awareness on those fingers, sag your body and (if need be) soothe your inner fears with the…

(Slowly) “It’s safe to surrender, I have courage, it’s safe to surrender, I surrender to this moment, I trust myself, and I trust my environment, I trust myself, and I trust my environment” – story?

He said, “I like that idea.”

So that’s what we did. He pretended to look at the phone so his brain’s ego didn’t feel stupid, and his body felt reassured in my presence (and in my energy field).

That time he lasted about two minutes, and then we chatted about what had happened. He told me that because we were pretending to look at the phone, it was less scary.

I asked if he would do it again, but this time with just him pretending to look at his own phone (but with his eyes closed), and I stand next to him as if I was waiting for him.

This time he lasted about four minutes before the anxiety engulfed him.

He told me that he could keep his awareness on his fingers initially, but the more the emotions arose and the scarier the stories became, the more his awareness was pulled away from his fingers and were dominated by the thoughts and the emotions.

He said, “I need to learn how to keep my attention and my awareness in one place, don’t I? To just ignore the thoughts and feelings!”

Then he smiled and said – “My parents were always arguing and fighting when I was a child – the mood in the house could change in a second from calmness to violence.

That was the environment my brain-body relationship was formed within. That was how I was programmed to be; I was always walking on eggshells or trying to please others to keep them calm.”

Of course, we had consciously discussed this many times; however, it took this type of exposure for him to really see how deeply programmed he was. Or how deeply programmed his body and brain were!

And in that moment, he got it. He understood that he had (situationally and circumstantially) been wired up one way, and he just needed to rewire it in a more

appropriate manner through the repetition of new stories, behaviours, beliefs and intentions.

And that fear is nothing to be scared of, just an emotion of the body from a story of the brain!

He said, “I can do this; just stand in front of me to protect me,” so I said, “OK,” – so he put his phone away, closed his eyes and just surrendered to whatever his body and brain did.

He kept his awareness off of his body and thoughts. He consciously began a new (inner dialogue) of optimism and trust – and though it felt unfamiliar in that moment, it was the start of his new life.

Pretty soon, he could just stand there with his eyes closed, just accepting what was; it became quite easy.

We were there for about an hour, trying different things, and his confidence was growing by the minute. He was, (through exposure therapy,) learning how to ‘just be’ – and to ignore all the external noise and old inner programmed responses.

Now, all good stories have a twist at the end, and this one is no different because, as I keep saying, as you surrender to life, you finally get what you need.

We were nearly finished when two policemen started to walk across the plaza directly towards us, and he started to freak out again and said something like, “I knew this was too good to be true; bad things always happen to me!”

I said, “we’ve done nothing wrong, so there is nothing to fear,” and he said, “There’s always something to fear!” Then he corrected himself and said, “OK, let’s see what happens?” Can you see how our attitudes need to broaden?

Anyway, the police did come over to us, and they explained that the security guards had been watching us on their CCTV and thought our behaviour was strange, so had asked them to check us out.

I calmly explained what we were doing, and one of them said, “that sounds interesting”, so all four of us closed our eyes and just stood there. It was very relaxing not to worry about anything and just be.

In that short time, we had taken a big step forward in desensitising that guy’s fear responses and proving to him that what the brain thinks might happen is just a story.

This is why I asked you in video 23 to try the desensitisation walking meditation – have you tried it yet? I really would encourage you to check it out because it works (but only if you do it!)

Knowing all this information is not the same as doing it!

Now, as I have been saying since video 4 – we need to recharge our emotional energy battery by thinking and worrying less, and as we do, anxiety and depression will begin to lift a little.

However, we must be mindful that doing the ERP and trauma release routines can often be very tiring, so don’t overdo it, but then again, don’t use that as an excuse not to do them – it is all about balance.

I would suggest you set aside 30-60 minutes, four or five times a week, for dedicated ERP work, meditation walks, and the trauma-release meditation taught in video 15, part 2.

Then, I’d advise you to initiate daily challenges for yourself, so you can practice lessening the connection between thoughts and feelings to dampen down the existing hypersensitivity of the brain.

If a thought comes up and the anxiety kicks off, you place your awareness on the feeling (not the thought), then surrender to that sensation and just let it be what it is, let it flow around you rather than trying to hold it down.

Stop trying to use your current feelings as proof of anything! Because they are all uncalibrated and need resetting.

Separate the ‘stories’ from the ’emotions’ – ignore the ‘stories’ and accept/surrender to the emotions, unclench, re-lease and sag down into the pain/anxiety/loss/grief/frustration and surrender to whatever happens.

Avert your ‘inner-gaze’ – stay out of the stories that the brain’s imagination projects onto the mind-screen – and practice lovingly accepting the ensuing chemical wave those thoughts triggered in the body.

Stop trying to find answers, accept what is, let things go, and just do your best, knowing that whatever happens will just be whatever happens, and that can be OK.

It’s what I imagine bomb disposal guys do – they have a laser focus attention on the task at hand and ignore all the ‘what if’ stories flooding into the mind-screen, which subsequently fire off anxiety in the body, which they ignore too – they calmly sag into that discomfort.

When an individual can learn how to keep their conscious focus on what they are doing and exclude everything else – they find themselves in a stillness ‘sweet spot’ called flow.

In this space, time slows down, they never get tired, and knowledge flows through them with great creativity – this is the state I aim for when I make each video. Jen finds it when she paints; she can lose herself in it for hours.

Do you have something creative you can focus on, art, writing, sport, playing with children, gardening, cooking, music, woodworking, DIY, reading or whatever desires you may have (or can develop)?

Rather than avoiding your anxiety via distractions, like tv, video games, work, alcohol, drugs or doing drama!

Jen told me last week that her father was a behavioural psychologist who (when she was growing up) always rewarded her when she was brave, bent the rules, stood up to authority and was playful and creative – and he ignored her when she was miserable, complaining, sick or scared.

He proposed that those more courageous skills would allow her to positively engage with life (as an adult), whatever the situation – and not to be timid, fearful and scared of all the wonders of life!

And Jen attributes much of her happiness, openness to life and courage to her father’s early conditioning.

In my childhood, I was rewarded for being good, following the rules, being nice, looking after others and staying out of danger.

I suppose that made sense for a child, but I then carried those programs into my adulthood – where really, it just made me an anxious sheeple! Luckily I reprogrammed myself – I no longer fear-fear – I can handle fear – because I desire to live life now.

It’s never too late to change ourselves – it won’t be easy, but it is possible and certainly very worthwhile.

OK, finally, I would like to offer you a few quick thoughts and ideas for you to consider.

For those of you with contamination fears, which mean you might have to shower or wash your hands for long periods – please realise that what you are trying to ‘wash off’ is a feeling of disgust, shame or guilt from past traumas that you may (or may not) remember.

No ammount of washing, scrubbing or avoiding will make that ‘feeling’ disappear.

Therefore, shower for three minutes and wash your hands once for twenty seconds (just like everybody else who is lucky enough to have running water does).

Then sit in another room and (just like the guy in the shopping plaza) learn to sit with any discomfort and fear and stay out of the brain’s stories.

ERP – exposure and response prevention is the way out, but you have to do the work (though your anxiety will try to sabotage you!)

Sometimes, like the little girl with the (non poisonous) spider, you must step into your fear and touch it – other times, we must let it go by no longer acquiescing to its old fearful grasp or scary stories.

It is by facing our fears that we liberate ourselves – and usually, we discover it was just the fear of the fear that held us back.

And for those of you who have intrusive thoughts about bad things happening (and who think that just having those thoughts will make that thing happen) – recognise that (if you truly believe that), then the opposite must be true too.

Good thoughts will have to happen, too – so for every unconscious unrequested thought you receive – run three conscious and positive ones of what you do want to happen!

Very quickly, you’ll see that thoughts are just thoughts and can be ignored no matter how real or fearful they may seem.

I don’t know who said it, but I love the statement, “Happiness is reality minus expectations!”

And I would like to end with a few quotes that wise people have left us with over the years about fear…

“When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand – and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Fear is the main source of superstition and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.”

— Bertrand Russell

“Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out.”

— Karl Augustus Menninger

“Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death.”

— James F. Byrnes

“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.” — Rudyard Kipling

“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” — Unknown

“Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it… that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear.”

— Dale Carnegie

“Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others.”

— Robert Louis Stevenson

OK – thank you for watching and for all your support – let’s step out boldly – because there are no real excuses not to…