Time… The only reality is NOW!

Reducing Overthinking: Mindfulness (and understanding time) for Anxiety and OCD Recovery

In this video, I want to share with you some initial concepts you can use that will start the process of reducing your need to think and worry – or at least, allow you to be more selective about which conscious (or unconscious) thought patterns you get caught up in.

Understanding Thoughts as Unconscious or Conditioned Responses

Up until this point, I have been asking you to consider that (for the most part) our thoughts are either unconscious, like our little 8 year old offering up “stories” about anxiety, or conscious learned thoughts, such as, “a good person would never do that” – or “you must follow rules.”

And I have been asking you to just become the observer of these thoughts – so you can see them, for what they mostly are – unconscious (safety) or conscious (conditioned) responses to what is happening around you, to you and within you.

Observing Thoughts Without Attachment

As you proceed through this course – I hope you are glimpsing the reality that – most of our thinking “Just happens to us.”

And from this observer perspective we don’t need to give our thoughts any meaning at all, we don’t have to listen to them and we don’t need for them to stop – we just need to place our attention elsewhere…

And, of course, this is what meditation is all about – for your observer, your attention, your minds eye (whatever you want to call it) to learn to not be distracted by thoughts, feelings or external events – and that each time your observers attention is hooked by a thought, a feeling or an external event – the observer realises, unhooks, lets the “story” go and returns to whatever mechanism your observer is using to not get hooked..

Meditation Techniques for Emotional Freedom

Be that, focussing on your breath, your body, a candle, a mantra, just being – or whatever works for you – for me, focussing on my breath or placing my observer (my minds eye) on any discomfort in my body and just letting it be, with no story about it, works well.

This method is also part of the energy release we discussed in video 9 – if there is pain in my body, my observer places his attention on the pain, then breathes slow and long about 5 seconds in and 7 or 8 seconds out – and I just keep my attention on the pain or discomfort until it passes or is no longer an issue in that moment.

And each time my observer is hooked by a thought “this is boring” – “it really hurts” – “it’s bin day, did you put the dustbin out?” My observer just unhooks and goes back to keeping my attention on the pain – with no story about it.

Measuring Meditation Success

The degree to with which I can quickly unhook and get my attention back to focussing on the pain (which could also be emotional pain, like grief, loss or fear) and just letting it be, so it can be released from me – is the measure of how good my meditation practice has become – It’s NOT the ability to stop the thoughts or feelings (as that is nearly impossible) – although over time the mind does quieten down.

In 3 or 4 videos time we will be going back to learning more about our observer and all the thoughts in our mind in great detail, so we can begin to dismantle our mind and see how it works.

Exploring Time, Cause, and Effect in Anxiety

Today though – I would like to explore – an important topic, especially with respect to anxiety and OCD – and that is; the relationship between time, and the concept of cause and effect?

Does time move through us as we stand still – or do we travel along with time? And bear with me, because these are really important questions.

Does our past affect our future?

Or, is the future just randomly happening to us in the now, here’s what happening now, here’s what’s happening now – then, fading away to become the past.

where, our lives are always stationary in a point we call now? Here’s the next now, here’s the next now, and that now has faded away to become the past.

Anxiety, OCD, and the Need for Control

These are big questions, especially if you are a worrier or you have a big need to control situations and manage outcomes to avoid feeling anxious or looking silly or not being perfect – or whatever your anxiety story is….

Because, if you are going to worry, it makes sense to worry in the places where you can make a difference and stop wasting time being worried about something you can’t actually change.

Alan Watts’ Ship Metaphor for Time

Now, one philosopher, whose work I always seem to keep coming back to is Alan Watts who was prevalent in the 1960’s – and I really like his work because he didn’t take himself too seriously and he had a great skill of taking everyday assumptions and redefining them to reveal a new, more common-sense based meanings.

One of his stories is about a ship powering across an ocean – with you standing on the back of the ship looking back to where you came from.

You would see the wake from the ship, representing where you have come from – but, importantly, it’s not telling you where you are going – only where you have come to, up until this point.

You could say, the wake, is a record of the past up until this moment called “now” – and, yes, it may point to the “direction” you are hoping to go in – but it is not creating the future, because in any “now” moment the captain may choose to go left, go right, turn around – or the boat may sink, who knows?

The wake may represent any effort you have put into creating an event or an outcome – you may look back on your past week and see what you did, that got you to this point, however, it’s not creating what happens next, at best it is just influencing your location and the (mostly random) chances of what happens next.

Applying the Ship Metaphor to Anxiety and OCD

Now, this is quite a complex way of thinking, however, I think is really worth exploring just a little deeper – especially if you are looking to let go of worrisome anxiety thinking, OCD obsessive thoughts or depressive negative thought-loops.

And remember if you are watching this video series the chances are you are an over thinker!

So, let’s look at the boat model in a new way – what if we were to draw the time line of your life.

You were born, you got older, you went to school, perhaps you got a job, met your partner and you are currently at a certain age, lets call where you currently are on your NOW point.

And, of course, you will carry on in this direction, having new experiences until your life comes to an end and it’s game over – Or, perhaps, that will be the end of this journey but the beginning of another – who knows?

Anxiety as a Present-Moment Experience

Anyway, for this story lets get back to our now point, and consider, what typically happens, when anxious people think and worry too much?

To me, it looks like this.

Anxiety is always in experienced in the now, meaning you can only experience it now, regardless of whether the thing that makes you anxious was in the past, or is only happening next week, or is just a story in your head!

And I as I keep saying; be careful what you think about (and how you think) because your body thinks it is true and may get anxious.

How Anxiety Creates Virtual Reality Stories

So, back to my story, let’s say you are thinking about an event next week – perhaps, going on a date? And it’s making you feel anxious – well, what’s really happening?

Your mind looks to the past for evidence of what happened the last time a similar event happened to you (remember how our amygdala pattern matches from video 8?) – and then projects that last outcome (or your belief about yourself / or others) forward into this Virtual Reality story – about an event that hasn’t even happened yet.

The mind then imagines you (in that future event) having the same reaction as in the past – fear, anxiety, failing, whatever – your amygdala thinks it is really happening and fires off your anxiety response!

You then feel bad and start a sequence of catastrophising “what if” stories, to try and mitigate your fears about this event – which is a virtual reality that hasn’t even happened yet!

These stories loop around… your amygdala thinks they are true, fires off your anxiety – then your unconscious mind starts to look for more “what if” solutions to either control, or avoid the event.

What if, I cancel it? What if I put it back a week? What if they don’t like me? What if they don’t turn up? What if I have nothing interesting say?

This unconscious loop keeps going around until you become so scared you avoid the situation – or until you have worried about every option, so you feel that you can stop worrying now. (Although you don’t.)

This is exhausting, and so, your emotional battery gets flat – and we are back into the self-sabotaging routines I taught you about in videos 2, 3 & 4.

Depression and “If Only” Stories

So, anxiety, is mostly worrying about a virtual reality future event and all the virtual reality stories of what “might” happen to you!

And depression does this too, but, it looks back over your past life events and runs the “if only” story.

If only, I had studied better at school.. If only, my parents hadn’t done that thing… If only, I had stayed in that relationship… If only, I had stood up for myself… If only, Blah, blah, blah…

Once again, you run the old story, your body responds, you feel terrible, and this tires you out.

Which lessens your motivation and you just get tired, stuck, apathetic and low – which for some people makes them feel more anxious!!

Of course, the past can’t be changed and the future hasn’t happened yet – so this is a real waste of thinking and energy, plus you are tainting your chemical soup (your blood system) with crappy peptides – like we discussed in video 7.

Confidence in Anxious vs. Non-Anxious People

Now, through my work, I’ve had the chance to ask thousands of anxious or depressed people – one simple question – “what makes you feel confident?”

And most of the answers I received where based around the same few statements:

“If I know what’s going to happen, and I have thought it through, then I feel more confident.”

“If I have run through every eventuality and have a good plan, then I may feel more confident.”

And, some people actually answer that question with a statement about anxiety – “If I have done it before, then I will feel less anxious.”

Or, “if I could guarantee I could do it perfectly, then it would be tolerable.”

So, for many anxious people, the feeling of “confidence” comes from knowledge, experience, control, planning, preparation and a feeling that they won’t fail, or be judged critically.

A Non-Anxious Perspective on Confidence

But, if we want to work smarter, there is a completely different way of looking at all of this…… Which is the way a person without anxiety or depression typically do it (knowingly or unconsciously.)

Now, if we jump back to our ship metaphor – where we were looking back, watching the wake, which was a record of where we had came from – and obviously the past wasn’t making the future – it was what the captain did in the now which was affecting the future.

So, if we move to the front of the ship and look at what is happening, it is quite a different story.

The future is coming at us and in that moment our response can be anything – and what we choose to do in the now – has nothing to do with the past – except, the past got us to this point!

Which means the past isn’t creating the future – although it does influence it many ways, by placing you in a certain circumstances, with certain conditions.

The Futility of Overthinking the Past and Future

Now this might take a little rewinding and listening to again – but it is really worth it – if you want to realise how futile much of our worrying actually is and to see how little control we really have on life and our day to day situations.

Let me try and represent this in another timeline. A person gets to a certain age and is in a current moment called now – their past got them to this point – however, in this actual point called now – they could choose to do anything:

They could say yes to an opportunity, or no. They could try to own the situation or say “It’s not my problem.” They might take a small action to see what happens or a big action to try and control the situation. They may just accept that, this particular situation is out of their control.

The Power of the Present Moment

I hope you are beginning to see that the past does not make the future – The future is always coming towards us, we are always stationery in the now – and each now fades away to become a record of events – that we call the past.

And if we want to be calm and happy, we need to stop looking back into the past, giving it meaning and thinking that, that meaning is creating our future – because it’s not.

It’s our behaviours in the now that effect our lives the most.

Reframing Life in the Now

Let’s see if I can make this a little clearer, what if I was standing in my now point on my timeline (remember, it’s always now) it’s now, here’s the next now, oh, next now…..

And as I stand here in the now – of all the things that happen to me are mostly random (although it doesn’t feel that way, because my mind gives it a story, but the story is not necessarily the truth.

For example; there are 7 billion people on the planet and if I asked you – “do you think somebody (anywhere in the world) will be mugged or robbed in the next one hour?” you would probably say “yes, of course, maybe hundreds or thousands!”

Then I might say, “do you think the person about to be robbed knows they are going to be robbed?” Well, the answer is “probably not.”

In addition, do you think the mugger has actually planned hours in advance who he is going to mug – or is just responding to opportunities as they unfold around him? These events are mainly random – and in any moment inevitable.

Life as a Series of Random Now Moments

We need to see life as a set of experiences that are happening in the now, which are in the most part random, but we are giving meaning to – and scaring ourselves with our own “stories.”

For more calmness, through enhanced awareness, we need to bring a new perspective into play.

Firstly, most of our anxiety stories are made up stories about an event in the future, that hasn’t happened yet, and without the true contextual knowledge of that experience, as it will unfold –

Therefore, mostly, a complete waste of time to ruminate on – over and above the basic logistics of getting there and any preparation required on your part to achieve the activity.

The Inevitability of the Present Moment

Secondly, whatever is happening in this now moment – is what’s happening in this now moment – therefore it is inevitable – if you looked up and an aircraft was about to crash through your house – then, that’s what is inevitable in this moment.

And no amount of worrying, planning or control could have controlled that – because, that is what’s randomly happening in that moment.

Of course, there are some guideline patterns that influence what may happen; usually people will follow the law (but not always).

Often, we “think” we know how people will respond (but this assumption is flawed on so many levels.)

And there are patterns within weather, traffic, school holidays, finances, health – but, once again, the patterns are accumulated records from the past – projected forward in time – and the real truth is, whatever, is happening in this now moment, is what’s happening – and in that now moment – and it’s inevitable!

Responding to the Present Moment

Therefore, a non-anxious individual becomes aware, that their actions (or inactions) from the past, did get them to this point – but, whatever they choose to do now, in this moment – is what is going to affect their future the most.

So, the best time to ruminate on your problem is when the problem is actually happening, because, in that moment it’s not a virtual reality story in your head – it’s the truth of what is happening, in the now, and you have all the facts around you!

And in that moment of inevitability – there are only three things you can do anyway.

You can decide how you would like to respond to that situation – knowing you have real data to base your decisions upon.

Secondly, you can move away from that situation.

And thirdly, a radical acceptance, that there is nothing you can do in that moment or an acceptance that you are unwilling to do anything in that moment.

Or a combination of all three, as you take action in the now, and adjust your strategy as the outcomes from your actions unfold.

Confidence in the Present Moment

So, if we ask a person who sees life this way – “what makes you feel confident?”

They will say “I don’t know what will happen next, but because I trust myself, I will respond to what life throws at me in each moment, as best I can, and I am not interested in what other people think about my actions or the outcomes, of my actions, because they were the best I could do in that moment.”

Breaking Free from Past Baggage

So, can you begin to see, that in every new moment, you can be a new person – and behave in any way you wish – you don’t have to cling onto your baggage from the past, your stories about who you are – that you have allowed to define and restrict yourself with.

The past doesn’t make the future – the future comes at at us, as we remain in the now, it’s always now – and in any now, what you do in the now is the biggest driver for the outcomes in your life.

Acting in the Now for Anxiety and OCD Recovery

So, although you may still have anxiety or depression – it is possible to start acting in new ways, in each now – and my starting advice for you is this:

To start becoming more honest about what you really want to happen in each moment – and to realise that you will never know what the outcomes of your actions will be until they have unfolded (although your mind tricks you into thinking it does!)

You take action – you see what happens – you adjust – you see what happens – and if you don’t want to take action, move away from the problem or just accept it.

You really need to sit and meditate on this way of looking at life – especially if you want to lessen OCD ruminations and catastrophising “what if” loops.

Summary: Living in the Now

So back to the message of this video – the past is not making the future, it is just getting you to this point and in this moment you can do anything – and I mean anything.

And now, is the place where you can make the biggest difference in your life, your past won’t change the now and the future hasn’t happened yet, so is a virtual reality story.

Each now is a new moment, and each moment you can be a new person, you don’t need to let the past define who you are now, stop dragging the “stories” from the past into the now.

The past is not making the future, it’s always now and in any now you can do anything!!!!

Really think about this!

Quantum Mechanics and Positive Thinking

And, if you have researched the basics of quantum mechanics – this model begins to make it a little more understandable.

Decide what you want, and keep consciously and positively talking yourself into it, placebo yourself, run positive stories whilst ignoring any thought that is not inline with what you want.

And although, it’s not for this video – “Do you know what you want from life, from work, what kind of relationships you want?

Who do you want to be? How do you want to be living your life?

These are things we are going to be exploring as we dive deeper into the course – because unless you know what you want – life or other people will be deciding for you!

The Risks of Catastrophizing Thoughts

So, catastrophise all you wish – but know, at best – it’s a virtual reality story that will just exhaust and scare you into controlling or avoiding a situation.

And at worst (according to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle) you may affect the collapsing – from the sea of potentiality of what could happen, into the actuality of what is happening, through observer interaction and intention – which basically means – careful what you think about – because you might get it.

This model is a game changer – when you are ready start accepting that there is very little you can control in life but much that you can influence.

Homework: Observing Thoughts and Accepting the Now

And finally, your homework.

Watch this video a few times so you can see what I am pointing to, then start observing your mind running “What if” stories about the future and “if only” stories about the past.

Realise that in the now, what is happening is what is happening – it’s already happened, so except what is happening (don’t resist it) and know that you have a combination of three interchangeable options:

• React to what is happening

• Move away from what is happening

• Or, accept there is nothing you can do, or accept that you don’t – want to do anything about it – (which is fine too) even if your old programming says that you ought to do this or that – this is the conditioning that we are going to break, as we proceed.

Recommended Resources for Further Learning

In the notes below are some books and references I would recommend to pay attention to.

And I will leave you with one simple technique to play with – How can you begin to accept – that what is happening right now – is what’s happening right now – regardless of what your mind wants to be happening right now!

And how can you (as your observer) begin to accept life for what it is, not how your mind (or little 8-year-old) would prefer it to be!

Looking Ahead: Breaking Conditioning

I will see you shortly in my next video – thanks for watching.