Going Back in Time: Advice to My Younger Self

Introduction to Reflecting on Personal Growth

I’m John Glanvill, author of The Calmness in Mind Process for Overcoming Anxiety, OCD, and Depression.

I’ve titled this video, ‘What Advice Would I Give My Younger Self?’

Common-sense perspectives which might help him better understand his complex anxiety issues and how the world works.

Because between the ages of 12 and 36, I struggled with my emotions and fought with my brain all day (and most nights), but now, at the age of 59, I love and respect myself and am continually surprised and amazed by what my brain and body can do!

What Changed? A Shift in Inner Reality

What changed?

Well, I changed! My inner reality changed. My self-awareness changed.

My inner subjective reality of the events in the outer objective reality was transformed and reprogrammed to become a far more pleasant place.

Not only did I modify the horrible stories I told myself about myself (and the outer world) to become more kind, respectful, optimistic, inspiring, and fun, but I also learned to interpret my brain’s thoughts in a less rigid manner.

I have come to accept my brain is essentially a proposal generator for thoughts, dreams, and imaginations. It automatically (and unconsciously) keeps me alive and well, if only I would get out of its way and talk to it nicely in the manner it was designed to operate.

During my childhood, the device not only ran the programs it was programmed with, but it also had the ability to learn, create, and adapt based on the information it received from my surroundings and my conscious thoughts each day.

Understanding the Brain’s Fallibility

Back then, I hadn’t learned how brilliant (yet fallible) and easily manipulated that computerised storage device for knowledge and memories in my head was.

It had been conditioned to accept the information it received from authority sources and, therefore, never thought to challenge or test its accuracy.

Then, after a pretty severe mental breakdown in my 30s, the engineer in me decided to see if he could figure out if his brain could be reconfigured to work for me, rather than dominating, exhausting, and scaring me.

So, as the observer of my brain’s thoughts, I worked on changing my perspective to recognise that often those thoughts were simply metaphors, emotional desires, out-of-date safety stories (or even fantasies) and so they didn’t need to be understood or acted upon and could easily be ignored if I so wished.

Reprogramming with Positive Stories

In addition, I was surprised to discover I could consciously implant new placebo stories into my brain, tricking that unconscious aspect into functioning in more favourable ways for my calmness, regardless of the truth (or scientific validity) of those strategically implanted self-loving statements.

I adjusted my interpretation of physics, chemistry, biology, and psychology to expand upon what science taught me in school. This included the input of energy (and intention) and the powerful effects of all those systems working together within the incredible electromagnetic field of energy and knowledge that we might call nature or divinity.

And, within my inner conscious awareness, I changed my values, beliefs, interpretations, desires, and intentions to be more relevant to who I wished to (now) be rather than how I was (as a child) programmed.

Taking Responsibility and Adapting to Change

I then upgraded the degree of responsibility I took for the consequences of my life, I stopped blaming others and did whatever I could to enable my intentions.

Of course, over those years, the outer objective reality I lived in changed dramatically too, and because I chose not to be an activist or a politician who’d fight those changes, I chose to find sensible ways to not allow them to demoralise, anger, or stop me from having a beautiful (inner reality) dream for myself, as best I could.

That being said, I have chosen to see myself as a subtle influencer through how I live my life and creatively within my work.

Letting Go with Dr. Hawkins’s Influence

For many years, I have been deeply influenced by Dr. David R. Hawkins’s work, especially his concept of developing the skill to rapidly ‘let go’ of thoughts, feelings, and mentations about events that were out of my control or where I was consciously not prepared to take control.

Jen and I have a game we play in which if something negative, sad, or disruptive happens that causes us anguish, the first person to free themselves from that torment (or emotional trigger) wins!

So, if we have arguments, or something goes wrong, or we’re let down, or have an accident (or whatever), we have managed to shrink that frustration period down into minutes rather than hours (or days!)

I see that as a wonderful gift (not only) to our inner chemical stress soup but also to our relationship.

Recently, we missed a flight and managed to let our negative stories (and their corresponding emotional reactions) be surrendered within 30 minutes!

After an hour, we were laughing about it, then we went on to have a fun and unexpected adventure in the extra 24 hours our modified trip afforded us as we waited for the next day’s flight!

Training the Brain for Optimism

Can you see that all throughout this course, I have been asking you to observe (and contemplate) how optimistic, trusting, and calm people might think (and act) so you might replicate those patterns (if you like them) and train them into your incredible brain?

Yes, we had missed the plane. However, we took corrective action, and we moved on. And just because the outer reality no longer matched our inner story, the obvious next step was to change our inner story to a more pleasing one.

If health and calmness are truly my intentions, no amount of complaining, thinking, worrying, blaming, or regret will serve any purpose except to exhaust me and facilitate my (poor little) ego’s feeding from negative emotions, like receiving sympathy, beating myself up, or complaining, none of which would help in any way!

I simply acknowledge what has happened, sort it out, and am kind to myself to the best of my conscious abilities.

It is just a process and quite simple once I understood it, though my ego did kick and scream as I learned how to starve it from its parasitic food sources of drama, worry, doubt, guilt, and fear.

Creating a Pleasurable Inner Reality

Now, I’m not saying you should do these things or that I am right; just here are some ideas that helped me.

So, what I am pointing to is, can you create a new subjective reality dream that is as pleasurable as possible within the current limits of your intellect and logic-based ego?

And can you free your inner self by doing this loving work on yourself, whilst under intense and constant pressure from the media, corporations, governments, society, and the education system trying to program you with fear, uncertainty, and doubt so you remain a trapped and compliant sheep and consumer?

Advice to My Younger Self

Ok, so, let’s start by asking, “What advice would I give my younger self?”

And, importantly, how might I have needed to give young John that advice so he would be open enough to listen?

Because if I’m honest, back then, he was an annoying, obnoxious, angry, opinionated know-it-all (who actually, naively didn’t know much at all of how the world operated) and who rigidly stuck to what he believed was true (from what he was taught was true) by the environment he grew up in.

Back then, I was so conditioned to believe what I was told and to always look for proof (or defer to authority) before accepting new information, that I would often fight to defend what I had been taught, even if I had never tested it out in real life.

So if I did time-travel back to the 1970s and only had ten minutes to give him all my real-world experiential knowledge, the first nine minutes would probably have been spent arguing with him to prove I was really there and wasn’t just a dream, a hallucination, or somebody playing a trick on him!

Anyway, let’s assume that by some miracle, he had an open mind back then and was prepared to listen to new concepts and bother to test them out.

Redefining Creativity and Talent

Firstly, I would tell him that he had completely misunderstood two very important concepts: creativity and talent.

These are individual and unique skills, sometimes innate, perhaps God-given, or chosen and developed through desire, practice, and determination, or were forcibly developed in reaction to the needs of the environment he was raised within.

I’d tell him that, just because he believed he lacked talent because he couldn’t sing, dance, play musical instruments, speak foreign languages, act, write poetry, or have other talents that were easily demonstrated to others, it didn’t mean he wasn’t talented.

But he had used that story of not being talented to shape his self-perception, which lowered his confidence and erroneously made him think he had to do things perfectly to compensate.

I’d tell him that many of his creative talents and skills were invisible or intangible; they were organisational, interpersonal, imaginative, problem-solving, facilitating, being of value in a crisis, generating concepts and ideas, communication skills, or inspiring and leading.

I’d tell him that most people wouldn’t even notice when he used those talents, though they often benefited. Therefore, it would be far more sensible to learn how to self-validate rather than let his ego continuously fight to receive external validation from others.

I’d say that just because it’s hard to stand up in a talent contest and demonstrate his creative talents, it doesn’t mean they are not there, or he is any less talented than those who can.

I’d suggest he learn how to be more playful, lighthearted, and cheeky because that would teach him how to be less self-conscious, and this vulnerability would loosen his ego’s silly need to control what others think of him.

Exploring the Shadow Self

I’d then ask him to explore Carl Jung’s concept of the Shadow Self, whereby we are seemingly blind to negative (and destructive) traits within us, like anger and control, though those same traits may annoy us in others.

I’d remind him that not only does the Shadow Self hide negative behaviours, but it may often conceal greatness, too. Just as much as you wish others would see the greatness you see in them and wish for them to act upon, you too (with humility for yourself), should do the same.

I would also explain that due to his complex personality type, he is (somewhat) different from others. Therefore, there is no point in comparing himself with them or expecting them to understand him. Instead, he should focus on comparing himself with himself to see how much he can grow and learn to accept and embrace his individuality.

Prioritising Intuition and Energy

Next, I would tell him to learn how to think in terms of energy and intuition, to use intuition as his primary sense and intellectual logic and reason secondarily, quite the opposite of what he was taught in school.

If something feels wrong, it likely is. And if it feels right, that might be just enough information to take action. I would advise him that if he needs to over-analyse everything before making a decision, then he is probably making the wrong decision.

I’d tell him to not dismiss his ‘heart-felt’ or ‘gut’ feelings or inexplicable intuition. These are his connections to nature and divinity, and he should learn to listen to and further develop those skills.

I would remind him that he only has a limited amount of biological (or emotional) energy available to him each day, and he should use that energy wisely on things that align with his intentions for his life and the people he wishes to have in his life.

The Power of Calmness

But, (probably) the most important thing I’d tell him is that calmness is key to everything; it would allow him to sleep, recharge his body, raise his immunity, access his creativity, enhance his thinking, plus it produces a field of energy that positively affects what (or who) is in that localised field.

I would remind him about the absolute importance of sleep and the quality of that sleep – and that even though he can function without much sleep, that doesn’t mean he should, due to the negative effects this has on metabolic health and brain clarity.

I would tell him that he is a giant chemistry set. Yes, he could justify being angry or sad due to some external event, however, his body would react accordingly by releasing stress chemicals that will biologically exhaust and damage his cells and leave him feeling low.

Therefore, the speed at which he can ‘let things go’ through acceptance, change, or moving away should be biologically factored into his thoughts and behaviours.

Understanding Epigenetics and Environment

I’d explain to him the importance of epigenetics, whereby the total environment his cells grow within, affects the expression (and regulation) of his genes and, therefore, his biological health.

This means environmental factors such as diet, stress, work, relationships, families, and rest, are massively important.

A calm and happy person in a busy environment is often metabolically healthier than a lonely, angry, or stressed person in a calm environment.

I think this may be one reason some people on (home-based) sick leave with anxiety or depression don’t get better; yes, they are in a calm environment, but they still worry like crazy, thus dis-regulating their inner chemistry.

I’d tell him that usually, it’s boring people who get bored easily and those without a compelling dream for their lives who get stuck or depressed, so he should have many varied interests and always take action towards his dreams.

Optimising Nutrition for Health

I’d explain to him that he had been misled about the right food (for his particular body type) and that if he wished to intensify his natural immunity, metabolic health, and energy levels, he should focus on eating meat, eggs, and saturated fats like butter (so his cells would receive the optimal nutrients they were designed for).

I would remind him that his cells tend to use carbohydrates as their primary energy source, even though burning fat is better for them. Therefore, to maintain a lean body (and have healthy cells), I would advise him not to consider carbohydrates as a food group but rather as an emergency fuel source or an occasional treat.

Overcoming Guilt and Shame

Next, I would explain to young John that, sadly, much of the world’s population is manipulated (and controlled) by guilt and shame. I’d say these feelings are the lowest, ugliest, angriest, most exhausting, and wretched of all emotions, as demonstrated at the base of Dr. David R. Hawkins’s Map of Consciousness.

And that he should take time to examine how these emotions function, who uses them, how to rise above them, how not to use those mindsets on others (or himself), and how to defend himself against those people whose negative energy levels are below 200, thus detrimental to his wellbeing and who might try to guilt, belittle, or shame him.

I’d tell him that guilt is feeling bad about what you did, whereas shame is feeling bad about who you are. Both of these are ugly attitudes that can (and should) be overcome through self-respect and honesty.

Because if he can extract himself from the content of his guilty (or shameful) stories up into the context of the situation in which they occurred.

Then, step up again and consider that situation from other points of view. Factoring in all the participants and their individual circumstances, it quickly becomes quite clear that these painful stories originate from a very egoistic and self-centred victim perspective.

It’s all about me. Me, me, me.

‘I can’t believe I did that thing.’ ‘It was my fault.’ ‘I should have helped them.’ ‘I should have known better.’ ‘They are expecting me to be as good as her.’ ‘What will they think about me for doing that?’

I’d tell him that this narcissistic, self-indulgent behaviour is not only unattractive but painful too, and should be stopped as soon as possible.

Reframing Guilt and Ego

I’d try to point out that the ‘I’ he is referring to in a guilty thought – such as, “I let them down.”

That “I” is not a real person; it’s merely an expectation, a responsibility, a concept, a virtual reality story embellished with hindsight and thrust upon himself. He was simply doing what he did, and on a different day, he may have done something different!

I’d say that there is nothing that he ‘ought to have done’ or ‘should have known’ or ‘was expected to do’, as those rules (or expectations) are only valid for those who wish to play by tribal, cultural, or religious agreements.

I’d remind him that because happiness was his goal (rather than being nice or right), he would have to learn to let go of guilt and apply respectful guilt fibs when necessary.

I would explain that, in its simplest form, a guilt agreement is only possible between two consenting players, the first one who chooses to apply the guilt, and the second who chooses to accept that judgment.

Because if the first person said, “I haven’t seen you for so long, your work must be more important than I am?”

And the other person says, “Yes, it is!” and smiles.

The guilt agreement can’t begin because the second person had enough honesty and self-esteem to say what he meant calmly and without taking it personally.

So I’d explain to young John that guilt comes from having low self-esteem, and we might define self-esteem as the degree to which you won’t let others be horrible to you and the skill of learning how to be honest (and nice) to yourself.

I’d add that if his own brain were trying to guilt him, surely that is just self-abuse as there is nobody else there doing it to him – therefore, that wouldn’t be too sensible.

More likely, the judgemental aspect of his brain is prodding the victim aspect of his brain, allowing his hurt ego to feed parasitically from all that emotional drama.

Strategies to Deflect Guilt

I would explain that (where possible) it is best to avoid those who try to guilt him, and, when he can’t, to reply with respectful guilt fibs to not accept that guilt.

For example, if a person says, “I can’t believe you would have done such a thing!” I would suggest that his range of responses may range from, “It’s none of your business!” to, “That was such a long time ago; I’ve changed so much; I’ve let that go now!”

Or perhaps he could listen to what they said (so they feel heard and will stop badgering him); however (inwardly), he’d completely dismiss that comment as it’s just not his problem, NMP!

As an example, if someone tried to guilt him by saying, “I thought you were a much kinder person,” he might simply say, “Thank you for bringing that to my attention.”

They feel heard, so shut up; no defensive argument ensues, and by swallowing his pride, he hasn’t made the issue personal!

Sure, some frustration, anger, or other emotions may be triggered. Still, they can be silently released in the background, allowed to move through him, and no longer initiate defensive or attacking responses, as the emotion has been separated from the stories.

I would explain to him that people can only guilt you if you let them, and there is NEVER any excuse to guilt yourself, I’d tell him to acknowledge past mistakes and just move on.

Balancing the Brain’s Hemispheres

I would remind him that his brain has two hemispheres, the left being more animal and egoistic, with strong desires to get things and receive attention. He should try not to let those instincts dominate him; he must accept they are part of him and subdue them to the best of his abilities.

His right brain’s more spiritual hemisphere only makes errors out of ignorance, not self-indulgence. Therefore, it is important to separate his animalistic instincts from his spiritual self.

This is why the horse and rider metaphor works so well; his Soul (as the rider) can influence his body (the horse), though he will never fully control it, so when the animal side plays up, he can simply smile and accept this.

The Power of Truth and Integrity

Next, I would advise him (where possible) to always tell the truth to himself and others and, where that is not possible, to remain silent or to fib with integrity.

I’d tell him to never lie to someone who trusts him and never trust somebody who lies to him.

I’d suggest that saying no to them is saying yes to himself (either, is loving as they will be true) and he should boldly ask for what he wants, where appropriate.

He should recognise that his words have power, so he should use them wisely.

The output from his mouth (and his observed behaviours) will be input into another person’s brain, thus forming the virtual reality story they’ll hold on record. Their brain will later use this information to decide how to remember and treat him.

So I would say, don’t assume people know you. If the person is important to him, John might consider what virtual reality story he might like to train or update into that person.

I suggest that he consider the concept that the word truth can mean anything to anybody, therefore, to consider what is true for him and whether he can live life in truth by his own definition.

I would suggest that integrity, honesty, creativity, love, and trust might be some truths worth him fighting for.

Addressing Anxiety, OCD, and Depression

With respect to anxiety, OCD, and depression, I would tell him that if he could live in line with my previous advice, most of his anxiety would simply go away, as for most people, their anxiety or depression stems from living life in anxious or depressive manners, or from overworking and exhausting themselves.

Of course, what I am about to say is covered in this course, but my headlines to him would be…

Don’t try to remain the same person and hope his anxiety will go away; he has to become a new person in which anxiety would struggle to bother him, and if there wasn’t a little anxiety from time to time, it means he needs to dream bigger!

I’d say, his thoughts and feelings don’t have to mean anything, and they don’t have to stop him from taking action at any moment.

He was not born with anxiety; he developed it after trauma or exhaustion, or it was trained into him in the environment he developed within.

I would remind him that unrequested intrusive thoughts were normally just his unconscious brain trying to grab his attention, and it does that by reversing who he really is by 180 degrees and trying to shock him.

Therefore, thoughts of harming, sexual abuse, becoming contaminated, suicide, security, and the such are just his unconscious brain trying to grab his conscious attention to tell him he is exhausted and should be living life differently!

I’d say he’ll find it liberating once he realises that these unrequested thoughts are the opposite of who he truly is, so subsequently, can be ignored.

I would stress to him the absolute importance of deregulating his anxious and hyper-sensitive nervous system and up-regulating negative internal thoughts into positive iStory thoughts, through clever ERP strategies and if he was not embracing those facts and applying ERP daily, then he hadn’t even started his recovery!

Harmonising Inner Aspects

Finally, I would explain to him that much of his inner turmoil came from the inner aspects of himself being in conflict through ignorance.

His frustrated warrior needed to be more dominant, his bored nomad required to be more selfish, creative, and playful, and his anxious settler had to become the calm fabric that held everything together.

Those three inner aspects of himself needed to work as a team, with each respecting the other’s needs, talents, and varied belief systems.

Taking Action and Breaking Free

Next up, I’d tell him that it’s okay not to know what he wants in life but not to procrastinate, as life is short. Therefore, he should actively try new things until he stumbles upon what he does want through experience rather than thought.

I would tell him to drop the story that there is a right or wrong way to do anything; these are just the invisible boundaries society uses to keep the sheeple in their pens.

I suggest that he always follow his conscience and intuition and not be afraid to challenge the norm, even if those around him aren’t brave enough to do so.

I want him to understand that it’s acceptable to break rules, provided he’s prepared to face the consequences of his actions. Additionally, he should always communicate his wants and needs and learn to ask for help when necessary, as it demonstrates strength rather than weakness.

I’d tell him that if there was something he wanted to learn or do, he should always try to bring it forward in time; because life is short, and few people know what they desire.

I’d tell him that if he was situationally unhappy, he should do everything he could to change that situation, move away from those circumstances, or learn to temporarily accept them.

For example, quitting a job that goes against his values is probably a wiser decision (emotionally) than staying and compromising himself. Or perhaps he could temporarily lower his values until he finds a better job, so he won’t be tormenting himself in the meantime, which, once again, would be such a kind act of self-love.

I’d remind him that fear and excitement are the same emotion; just one has a negative story attached, and the other an inspiring and positive one!

I’d advise him not to wait for motivation because activity (taking action) generates motivation, not procrastination or overthinking!

And if he has plans, and is taking action but still lacks motivation, he should ask himself: Is he doing what his heart really desires him to do, or is it what his head thinks is sensible?

Because passion and desire are game-changers and will bring aliveness into each day!

Redefining Sensible and Risky

Next up, I’d tell young John to contemplate the relationship between the words sensible and risky because, somehow, he had been domesticated to think being sensible was a good attribute, offering safety and security while being risky was reckless and irresponsible and may lead to losing everything.

What I would tell him is, this is a trap. This is the pen that the sheeple are led into. There is rarely safety (or security) if you depend on an external corporation or government for your financial well-being.

I would suggest that he consider how to become a man of value and ask himself what skills he would he might need to develop so others would want to pay for his services.

And how might he create revenue streams that mitigate his need to depend on external establishments for money in return for following their creativity-stifling rules, which may compromise his values, beliefs, and talent?

I’d remind him that science has clearly demonstrated that those who pursue what they want and make things happen nearly always outperform those who wait around, hoping things will come to them.

I’d tell him it is risky to look for safety or security and sensible to explore more fluid opportunities that will improve his life.

I’d say if you don’t fail a few times, you are not taking big enough risks.

The Power of Intention and Happiness

Next up, I’d tell him that there is nothing more powerful than a man with a dream and the desire (and intention) to make that dream happen, I’d say that he must always be clear about what his intentions are for himself and his life.

I’d say that for every decision that arises in your life – ask yourself “Is it in line with my intentions?” If it is, do it; if it’s not, don’t! It can be this simple.

Then, I would direct him towards the superpowers of happiness, optimism, and trust – I’d say that these are not things other people were born with that you weren’t.

You can’t sit around waiting for happiness to happen or expect it to arise once you achieve a certain goal; that’s not how it works.

I would tell him that happiness is a choice.

Happy people are happy simply because they choose to be happy; it is so obvious, really, but unhappy people can’t see it.

And why do they choose to be happy? Because it feels bad to feel unhappy, it really isn’t rocket science.

Happiness is an attitude; the decision to make happiness core to how you think, and therefore reflects how you feel.

Optimistic ERP Loops

That’s why happy people are usually optimistic and trusting; they think about all the things that could go right and thus already have good feelings even if the event never happens. If it goes wrong, they optimistically just drop it, “Oh, never mind. It’ll work next time!”

If you think about it, (unknowingly) they have a clever positive ERP loop running in their brain; the more optimistic and trusting they are, the more the brain will reinforce those stories, and the body will respond favourably.

Also, because their brain belief system is set up to expect luck, trust, and good outcomes, evidence of good outcomes is stored in the long-term memory and bad outcomes are disregarded.

When we contrast that system with unhappy people who are usually pessimistic and doubtful, they unknowingly are running negative ERP loops.

Just by pessimistically thinking about an event, they already feel bad even if it were to turn out okay, and if it did, their brain wouldn’t save that good memory as it is conditioned to register what is aligned with their pessimistic beliefs!

I think it is random whether, in your first three years of life, your carer trained your brain to be optimistic and trusting or pessimistic, doubtful, and fearful.

Either way, once you know this, you can retrain your brain (as I did) by repeatedly using positive ERP iStories.

However, in my experience, most doubtful pessimists just say, “That won’t work” or “I can’t do that!” Which is the very self-reinforcing negative ERP loop that got them there in the first place!

I find it amusing but sad to listen to them defend their stories of how it won’t work and why they won’t be able to do it!

So, I would tell young John to evaluate where he is running negative ERP loops in his brain and then retrain them out.

Understanding Personality and Love

I advise him to learn some personality profiling tools like MBTI and the Enneagram so he can better understand who he is, and so he can remember to love others how they wish to be loved and explain to them how he wishes to be loved in return, as they are not mind readers!

Conclusion: Lighten Up and Have Fun

Finally, I’d say lighten up, have more fun, don’t take it all too seriously, it’s just a big game, and remember to have as much fun as possible!

So, these are some of the things I would tell myself. I have to be honest and say that this was surprisingly hard to write. Quite a few times, I burst into tears as trapped traumas arose from within me as I considered who I had been and who I am now.

Perhaps you might desire to meditate on what you would like to tell your younger self and align that with the values and beliefs workbook from video 32, part 2.

I wish you all well. Thank you!