How to Stop Emotionally Sabotaging Yourself

Introduction to Letting Go of Demons

I’m John Glanvill, author of The Calmness in Mind Process for Overcoming Anxiety, OCD, and Depression.

I have called this video ‘letting go of your demons’ – and what I mean by that is – anything that is making you do things that are not good for your optimum well-being.

Viewing Mental Health Issues as Addictions

From my perspective, I see anxiety, OCD, depression, worry, some belief systems, and control, as forms of addiction.

And as I have said many times, my definition of an addiction is; something you can’t consciously stop.

If you were consciously in control, you would say “stop” – and they would, but they don’t.

Unconscious Influences

Therefore it is being driven from your unconscious mind’s programming, or some other inner energy influencing you to act a certain way, or some external person, your family, or peer group influencing you – or perhaps a combination of them all?

Example of Unconscious Sabotage

Let me give you a simple example; before my partner quit the corporate world to become an artist to follow her authentic dream – as I am doing.

It took her six months to hand in her notice, because each time she consciously tried to quit, her unconscious would override that desire and sabotage her through the use of stories based on beliefs such as she might fail as an artist or would be foolish to leave a well-paid job, to chase a dream.

Turns out it was the best thing she ever did – funny really, as if you think about it, how could her unconscious know if it would work or not until she tried? But this is just what the mind does.

External Programming Influences

Another interesting thing was the company she used to work for was a technology company that developed intelligent digital marketing screens and billboards that consciously and subliminally influenced human behaviour for retail outlets, call centres, transport systems, and airports.

They called this process “Buying decision motivation at point of purchase.”

A camera would apply face and body recognition algorithms to the person walking past, which would either identify the actual person or categorise them by age, gender, clothing styles, etc.

Then serve to the screen a tailored ‘digital billboard advertising message’, specific to that person.

Reflections on Technology and Control

Now, that was six years ago (which is a long time in technology) – and when I first saw it in action, it reminded me of the film Minority Report.

It was very impressive, but also it felt very sinister too.

The Power of Programming

So, why am I telling you this?

It’s because we have been bombarded with messages from our parents, school, the state, and religion all our lives – and this bombardment has increased dramatically in recent years.

We have been programmed, and are being unconsciously run from the programs that we have been programmed with.

And we can’t consciously stop them – because they are part of our unconscious psyche – or perhaps, we have even integrated them (unknowingly) into our belief systems.

Like a person saying, “I mustn’t let them down” or “it is best to follow rules” or “Governments wouldn’t lie to us.”

Influence of Behavioral Marketing

The degree to which the science of behavioural marketing has learned to manipulate and influence humans (whilst the human thinks he is not being influenced) is incredible.

It’s why corporations spend hundreds of millions of pounds on advertising and hiring behavioural scientists and psychologists each year – because it works.

Self-Influence for Positive Change

Therefore, if it works for them to influence our unconscious minds, then it stands to reason that it will work for us to consciously influence our own unconscious minds too.

Can we use the same techniques they use, on ourselves (and perhaps protect ourselves from further conditioning too?)

That way we can undo any programming that is not serving us and install new programs that will serve us, assuming calmness is our goal.

Responsibility for Emotions

Think about this one simple question; who is responsible for your emotions?

Now, obviously, the answer is YOU.

But people forget this, or were never trained on how to do it – or something within them is unconsciously sabotaging their calmness…

Embracing Change for Calmness

Many people have been asking me how I can be calm and happy with all the changes going on in the world?

And my answer is simple – these days I like change, I am not clinging on to keeping things the same, I like adapting, I see opportunity in change – a chance to grow.

I have tried to create a life for myself that is less and less dependent on what I am being told to do and more in line with what I want to do – and what is best for my health and happiness.

Past Struggles with Control

But, back when I had my anxiety, I hated change and wanted to control everything and follow rules – which was probably why I had anxiety in the first place!

Playful Use of “Demons”

So, we are talking about letting go of our demons – in my mind, I use the word demons, very playfully, like; “Oh my inner demons got the better of me and I ate all the cookies.”

You really need to think about this – something inside of me, that doesn’t feel like me, made me do something, I didn’t consciously want to do – I ate all the cookies, said yes when I meant no, acquiesced to something I didn’t believe in.

This is very powerful stuff, it’s called mind control.

It’s how brainwashing works – people say “how could they have done that thing?”

Well, I don’t think they consciously chose to do it – their inner demon influenced them into doing it – this is how powerful this programming is – but you have to wake up to the fact that these programs, belief systems, group identifications, and energies are driving the show.

The Challenge of Control

And if you can’t consciously stop something as simple as eating a cookie or washing your hands – then what more unfavourable (to you) things can your little demons influence you into doing?

Reactions to the Term “Demons”

Now, as I put these videos together, I usually run them past a few friends to ask for feedback before I go live and a couple of people said to me, “You can’t use the word demons!”

That one word really triggered them – which was interesting (to me) because when I see a big response like that, it means that an energetic reaction has occurred.

Defining Demons Generically

So I am going to use that word (demons) generically – to label any thoughts or feelings that kick off an unconscious program, an energetic reaction that you don’t consciously want.

As I said earlier a demon can be an addiction, it can be the feeling that you are responsible for everything, it can be a past trauma that is being held down but still influencing your behaviours; like a victim of abuse in the past not enjoying intimacy in the now – we could call that a demon – our little-eight-year old, our ego – perhaps we can call him a little demon?

Cultural Perspectives on Demons

Then there are all the great religions of the world that all talk about demons, the Bible talks about unclean spirits that need to be driven out and in Arabic and Islamist theology there is the Jinn or Genie which may be benevolent or malevolent, working for you or against you.

Belief in Energetic Entities

I guess, if you believe in Angels (formless energetic entities) that can influence you, then you ought to believe in Demons (formless energetic entities) that can influence you.

I don’t know how it works – but I do know that everything is made up of energy, which is mostly invisible, needs a fuel source, and seems to be formless, but can influence form – for example; a thought influencing your body.

Invisible Energy Forces

Like when you put two magnets together under some paper with some iron filings – you SEE where the energy goes – and if there is no paper you FEEL and sense where the energy goes through the attraction or repulsion of the forces.

It’s invisible, but forces are in action – and just because your five senses aren’t capable of registering them, it doesn’t mean that they are not there or affecting you in some way.

Innate Energetic Senses

Some birds can sense the magnetic resonance of the Earth and use it to navigate – well, I normally know which way North is and my directional skills are really good, perhaps I too have this capacity within me but was never taught to develop it?

Or it was naturally developed from being a rep on the road, driving thousands of miles each year before we had sat nav systems?

Exploring Energetic Concepts

People talk about our etheric body, energy meridians, chakras, karma, the pain-body, auras, and things like that, maybe we need to sensibly explore these things?

As I said in earlier videos – if we are a Soul (a formless energetic entity) inhabiting a physical body – surely we will have other senses too (belonging to the Soul) as well as, the main five of the body.

Out-of-Body Experiences

For example; the first time I had an out of body experience during deep meditation, I could still see and hear, though I was looking down at my body, over there.

Energetic Interactions

Place two magnets together and their charges interact, place two people together and their charges will interact, perhaps their little demons are unconsciously jabbing ours, or vice versa?

Those who have a high-frequency, low-density energy field, because they discharged their emotional energy batteries will often calm, inspire, and energise those around them.

While – those with low-frequency, high-density fields may agitate and try to feed energy from those around them – with all this happening under the radar of the conscious mind (and for most people) outside their conscious ability to sense it.

Sensing Energy in Mechanics

When I was young I used to race go-karts and was always building engines, maintaining, repairing, and making things – and quite by chance, I discovered that if I was trying to put a bolt into a hole that was awkward, fiddly, and out of sight, the more I stressed the harder it got, but if I took a breath, calmed myself down, and silently focused on the task, there was a tiny, tiny energetic pull that guided things together.

To this day, if I am working on something where I can’t see what I am doing, I always close my eyes and calmly let my fingers “feel” what to do – I can’t explain it but there is some energetic intelligence there.

Intuitive Energy Guidance

If I lose something, I just stand still – I stay out of my thinking and I think about what I am looking for and in seventy-five percent of the time, my body subtly senses me towards where it is.

Evolving Perspectives

Now, twenty years ago I was so closed to ideas like this, as an engineer, I wanted to see the truth, the proof, the science – perhaps you could say, my inner demon was sabotaging my growth – my inner demon of logic and reason based upon my belief systems of that time.

Although I am still logical and rational, these days I am also intuitive, open, adaptive, and influential, I am open to trying new things.

Energy as a Key Insight

Every serious person on this path of self-growth wakes up one day and says, “Oh my God, it’s all about energy!”

Attractor Fields

One of my favourite teachers, Dr David R Hawkins who wrote the book “Power versus Force” (which was pivotal in my recovery to calmness) talks about something called attractor fields, which are non-physical energy fields generated by the thoughts and attitudes of a person.

These energy fields can be high frequency and life-affirming (good for you) or low frequency and life-diminishing (bad for you).

One makes your biology strong and the other weakens it.

Impact of Energy Fields

These energy fields not only interact with (and affect) your body but also with the body of others too. Happy people spread happiness and gloomy people spread gloom.

Every thought you have is either life-supporting or life-impairing – whether you say to yourself “I love you” or “I hate you” really matters to you, your body, and those who hang out in your field.

And all this is happening beyond your five senses and deeply behind logic and reason.

The Power of Love

For example; there doesn’t need to be any logical reason behind being loving – when being loving is high energy which is good for both you and the other person.

But the low energy demons of the mind say, “I won’t be nice to her if she won’t be nice to me!”

Logic vs. Happiness

Logic and reason often get in the way of a happy life. I believe logic and reason are tools our demons use that seem to get in the way of recovery from anxiety and depression.

We need to get behind logic and reason – because that is where love, kindness, connection, and intimacy reside.

Avoiding Low Energy Influences

Equally, we must remove ourselves from low energy sources of attractor fields like soap operas, violent films, dysfunctional families, violent computer games, abusive relationships, arguments, complaining, mainstream media, and news bulletins.

Then align ourselves with nature, health, exercise, creativity, community, and high functioning relationships.

Building Simple Models

As you know, I like to build simple models that we can use to improve our mind-body connections and therefore influence our emotional well-being – and regardless of their perceived scientific truth – can they make us feel better and free us from our demons?

Can we become the sum of our parts, rather than being run by; some of our parts, like the judge, the victim, the pleaser, our little eight-year-old – or some other little demon – you know the story!

Choosing Happiness or Calmness

So, let me remind you of the basics once more; do you want to be right or happy?

If you say, “I want to be right” then I would suggest you turn off this video, because it is not for you.

However, if you said happy, I would say, can we perhaps change that word to calm, can I become calm?

Can calmness become my default setting, can my goal in life, be, to be calm, to the best of my ability, regardless of what is happening to me or around me?

The Energy of Calmness

Because it’s bloody hard to be happy all the time, it takes tons of energy, activity, work, food, sex, drink, drugs – it can be exhausting if you chase it – and demoralising if you can’t achieve it.

However, to be calm, stoic, relaxed, easy-going, peaceful, in equilibrium, cool-headed, present, connected – these are interesting words and interesting emotions – and they are all ones that don’t leak energy, they conserve energy, it takes almost no energy to accept or to be lovingly detached – “I can see why that might upset you, that must be hard?”

Moving to Happiness from Calmness

From calmness it is easy to use a little energy to move up to happiness for a while, then return to a more natural state of stillness and recharging.

Dancing with Life’s Challenges

People talk about their fight with anxiety – but I think, calmness is (from the observer’s perspective) the decision to lovingly dance with your thoughts, your biology, your chemistry, your beliefs – and the events in the external world – in the most favourable way for your emotional and physical wellbeing.

How Cells Respond to Anxiety

Right from the start of this course, I have been saying that your brain and the cells of your body live in darkness, awaiting responses from your senses to tell them what to do next.

If the actions of the body are still and if the mind is quiet – they will assume nothing is happening, therefore, you will feel calm and fine.

If the body is shaking around and the mind is freaking out – the cells assume bad things are out there, so prepare you for the attack of some sort, which keeps you in a hypersensitive state – this is just how thoughts, biology, and chemistry work.

Conditioning in Anxiety

If you have anxiety, you have unknowingly conditioned your cells to become hyper-vigilant, fatigued, and configured to have more receptors aligned with fear responses – as we talked about in video number seven.

Comparing Anxious and Calm Responses

So, let’s compare how an anxiety-conditioned person reacts in an emergency versus how a calm person might react, so you can get some ideas of what to expect.

Anxious Response

The anxious person would unconsciously jump to the fight, flight, or freeze response in some manner.

Blood would be pulled back from the thinking pre-frontal cortex and the brain’s old baseline reptilian instincts would kick in.

You could say, the decision about what action to take in that moment – would be made unconsciously by the reptilian brain, then analysed later by the prefrontal cortex – thinking brain (when it came back online) although by then it was too late to do anything about it.

Calm Response

But in a calm person, the prefrontal cortex stays on, so he/she can think clearly – and consciously choose which action to take in that moment.

That one difference can change a person’s life, how they handle job interviews, dating, standing up for themselves, doing extreme things like starting companies, travelling, starting or ending relationships, the big stuff that needs to happen, that makes life exceptional.

Perception of Time

The second thing that happens is hard to explain unless you have experienced it – time speeds up if you are anxious and slows down if you are calm.

The anxious person says, “It all just happened so quickly, there was nothing I could do.”

Whilst, the calm person says, “I had just enough time to glance left, and saw there was an exit, so I just dived down there.”

Energy and Time

I suppose another way of looking at it is – if your energy is spraying out everywhere like at a party and you are dancing and singing time flies by.

But if you’re not dissipating energy – are sat waiting for a train, phone battery’s dead, time seems to slow down.

So, I (unscientifically) think that energy, time, your emotional state, and which brainwaves are active in your brain are deeply entwined – and I will be making videos about this in the future.

Impact on Others

The next comparison looks at what happens once the anxious person has been triggered, did they get angry, start crying, do a whole lot of drama, try to control the other person, run away?

What were the effects of the anxious person’s behaviour on those around them? Because anger kicks off more anger, fear kicks off more fear, one person screaming – may set off another person’s cells to perceive danger and fire off too.

Whereas, the calm person, keeps others calm, can offer comfort and support, de-escalate anger or fear.

Example of Calmness in Action

I recently saw a video clip of a very scared policeman in Australia (with a rubber bullet gun) performing crowd control.

And one of the protesters just calmly stood still, didn’t say anything, and didn’t react in any way – and it flummoxed the policeman – he was screaming and shouting – and the man just calmly stood still, stood his ground not responding at all.

Eventually, the policeman calmed down and moved away – I think if the protestor had got all angry, I am sure the policeman would have unconsciously felt authorised or justified to act violently.

Power of Non-Violent Calmness

I guess it was the same with Gandhi and others who have performed non-violent protests, the power of calmness is of such a higher magnitude than that of fear.

Their energy field trumps and influences the other person’s energy field.

Training for Calmness

However, to be that person who stays calm, doesn’t mean they are not afraid – just that they have trained themselves to be calm, to trick their bodies into calmness, as they surrender to that moment – to give themselves the greatest range of responses in that moment, which I think is very sensible for survival.

Personal Approach to Fear

I do many things that scare me – and in those moments when the world out there is going crazy, in my head I am saying “Everything is fine, all is good, I surrender to this moment, I accept, I accept, I accept – what action should I take now?”

To be calm, means you keep your faculties about you, you can make decisions, you can influence others – and should that be the moment you die or get hurt – die calmly, don’t go out kicking and screaming like a baby – start the next leg of your journey calmly and with optimism and intrigue.

Acceptance of Life’s Impermanence

You are going to die someday, you are going to lose everything one day, you came in with nothing, you leave with nothing, it’s what you do in the middle that counts, who you become.

Handling Minor Setbacks

Last week, I was having lunch with friends and when I returned to my car there was a big scrape at the back where somebody had driven into my car.

There was a tiny emotional response within me, I let it out, I stayed out of the stories my mind was offering me about it, and just let that energy flow out of me.

I said, “never mind” and my friend said, “if that was my car I would be angry all week and until it would annoy me until it had been repaired.”

He thought I was mad for not worrying, I thought he was mad for worrying about something that had already happened and was just a car, a device for getting around in.

Re-evaluating Attachments

Once again, neither of us is right or wrong – but if calmness or happiness are your new goals, what behaviours or belief systems might need to be re-evaluated?

What can you enjoy without being too attached to?

Pain and Anxiety

My next comparison is about pain – in the anxious person, during an accident or emergency – so many chemicals flood into them that they hardly feel any pain should they be hurt in that moment – which I think is a wonderful thing.

I have said before I have nearly died quite a few times in high impact accidents and had many injuries – and each time, as it happened, time slowed down, I didn’t like it but I wasn’t afraid and the pain came hours after the accident, not during it.

Fear as a Barrier

However, anxious people – often don’t do exciting new things as they are afraid of death or injury – yet still, excessively worry which is often doing damage to their health.

I think anxious people know this deep down – and are either in denial of the fact – or their little eight-year-old, their little demon is using that fact to sabotage them (like if they are ill they won’t be able to work, so can stay home and recover) – or in some cases like manic depression as a form of passive suicide.

Calmness and Pain Tolerance

For the calm person, there is the realisation that pain can be easily tolerated through acceptance – so the fear of pain doesn’t become an excuse to not get on with life.

Plus as they are calm most of the time, their bodies tend to have excellent immune systems, therefore they are not scared of (or likely to) catch any colds or flu’s that may be circulating – therefore, one less thing to worry about.

Placebo and Nocebo Effects

There are countless experiments that prove people with a belief system that assumes they won’t catch a cold – or those who placebo themselves, saying things like; “I won’t catch it” don’t catch it – whereas, those who expect to catch it do.

As I have said before placebo is very effective – and the opposite of placebo is nocebo, where you expect to get something and that is very effective too.

Two very different belief systems, one high energy and life-affirming, the other low energy and life-limiting.

Post-Emergency Analysis

The next step is regarding – post-emergency analysis – the anxious person often regrets how they responded because at that moment it was an unconscious response as their thinking brain was turned off – but when it comes back online – they use that thinking mind to beat themselves up with regret, guilt, or shame – about what they think they ought to have done.

Whereas the calm person simply moves to acceptance, “I did the best I could do, well done me” – and even if it wasn’t the best thing they could have done, it is what they did do – only hindsight allows analysis and that is just a virtual reality story which can be ignored.

Building Self-Esteem

And this way of looking at life leads to gentle self-esteem, and the ability to feel vulnerable, yet still take action, regardless of any outcome, and with a positive and optimistic inner dialogue – which as I keep reminding you is the definition of courage.

Whereas the anxious person may remain stuck in loops of self-doubt and fear. I hope this is making sense?

Creating a Positive Emotional Ecosystem

You need to embark upon the process of making calmness your primary goal, as everything else can then cascade down from this emotional state.

In my own life – I have created my own mental and emotional eco-system, which operates within me and radiates out of me.

I work on the biological and chemical reactions within me and the positive, intention-directed high energy fields around me.

Living Discreetly

Then, I silently cover up everything I am doing, so it looks like I just fit into life and the communities I live within, I accept others the way they are – and if how they are is disruptive to my calmness, I try to accept them or put boundaries in place to protect myself from them.

As I have said before, my work doesn’t define me. Outside of these videos, (which are mainly so I can earn a living) I rarely talk about this stuff, most people who know me are unaware of what I do.

Radiating Positive Energy

However, I try to the best of my ability to generate a silent field of optimism, calmness, and love around me, regardless of what is happening in the world.

So, calmness is not just the opposite of anxiety, but also the antidote!

The Work of Reprogramming

But, it’s not easy to develop, it doesn’t just happen, even knowing everything I am teaching, is not enough,

You have to reprogram yourself, you have to do the exposure therapy, you have to retrain your brain, recalibrate your cells, change your chemistry, adjust your belief systems, have clear intentions, and one of the most powerful steps is overcoming your demons.

Methods to Remove Emotional Demons

How do we remove energetic emotional demons? Well, there are a few key methods you can use, and I would suggest you explore and install strategies for each of them.

Raising Energy Frequency

Firstly, our emotional demons seem only able to reside within low energy fields like fear, guilt, shame, and victim mentalities.

Therefore, raising your energy frequency above a certain level through meditation, breathwork, exercise, discharging your atomic battery, venting your pain body, being loving, optimistic intentions, and surrounding yourself with high energy people – create a field that they struggle to inhibit.

Personal Experience with Energy Release

I have been on retreats with high energy people in high energy locations where I have been knocked off my feet by energy fields – and past trapped trauma was automatically vented out from me in huge emotional eruptions – where energy was just pouring out from my mouth and chest – and once it stopped, I was different.

In one of these experiences I had a huge and dramatic energy venting that went on for a few hours and once it stopped – the source of my depression was gone, it was no longer in me, that trapped energy, that emotional demon was out.

That was seven years ago, and since then I have had no depression at all – it’s just no longer inside me, feeding off me.

I will be talking more about events like that in later videos.

Starving Demons of Fuel

Secondly, you can focus on removing the food source of these energetic parasitic demons – As I said, they feed off depression, drama, fear, worry, the “if only” stories from the past – and the “what if” scary stories about the future.

Some people are still angry (or feel shame about) something that happened twenty years ago!

Can you see that your demon is dragging you back into rerunning those old events in your mind, so it can feed off your body’s resulting emotions of anger, guilt, shame, or the whole unfairness of it all?

Letting Go of Old Stories

So, we need to let go of those stories, forgive others, forgive ourselves – and change our stories, trick ourselves, placebo ourselves – regardless of the truth.

Saying to yourself you had a wonderful childhood and only rerunning good stories in your mind, is creating a nicer eco-system within you, as well as, starving those demons.

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)

Then thirdly, ERP – exposure and prevention therapy – by repeatedly exposing yourself to that which scares you, your mind and body become recalibrated and habituate to new calmer responses.

For example; The fear of embarrassing myself used to cause me intense anxiety and self-consciousness, however, learning to accept it and continuously exposing myself to events where I could embarrass myself, has ended that old cycle which (for whatever reason) was formed during my childhood.

These days, if I do something stupid or mess up, I can lovingly laugh at myself – rather than beat myself up.

It also means I can try new things without fearing failure which has expanded my life enormously.

Tools for Overcoming Demons

So, let me bring in tools and perspectives I have used over the years which helped me enormously.

E-Breathing (Energy Breathwork)

The first thing I want to introduce you to is what I call E-Breathing (Energy Breathwork) – The fact that breathing in certain ways is extraordinarily beneficial for the body and the brain.

Although I have been doing this for years, more recently a Dutch guy called Wim Hof has done a brilliant job of increasing people’s awareness of its benefits to mental health – which have now been thoroughly tested via many scientific studies.

There are many Wim Hof YouTube videos explaining how it works and I would encourage you to watch them and even sign up for his online program.

Benefits of Breathwork

But, let me give you some basics; Through the use of deep breathing techniques and long periods of holding your breath, four key life-changing elements emerge.

Oxygenation

Firstly, by breathing deeply you are oxygenating your body which makes it stronger – one very provable experiment, is where you do as many pushups as you can, then breathe in a certain way for a few minutes, then when you do pushups again, you can do many more than the first time.

And when you bear in mind that anxiety and depression make you feel exhausted, perhaps you can see how important this might be.

Comfort with Discomfort

Secondly, by holding your breath for long periods of time – you learn to become comfortable with the panicky feeling the body begins to experience once it wants to breathe again.

Most people don’t know this, but the body can last quite a while longer without air, even once you get to that panicky “in-breath” moment.

So, if you can keep your body (and mind) calm, even though the body wants a breath, you are tricking and retraining your amygdala to see this situation as less scary – you are learning to observe fear rather than be triggered by it.

Shifting Brain Waves

As we know, anxiety makes you jump to shallow fast breathing which triggers your sympathetic nervous system’s fear response – whereas, deep long breaths instigate the parasympathetic rest, digest, and repair biological settings.

So, these are very powerful techniques to learn.

Thirdly, the brain responds to breathwork by decreasing in activity from the busy and active Gamma and Beta fast frequencies, down to the calmer and more creative Alpha and Theta brain waveforms, where all the noisy mind chatter can’t function very well.

Boosting the Immune System

Fourthly, the immune system benefits enormously from these periods of increased oxygenation and a quiet mind – you get healthier.

Raising Energy Frequency

And finally, through the many types of breathwork, those of you who can feel energy (and this is a skill that can be developed) will notice that the overall energy frequency of the body rises considerably – and this is conducive to the natural release of any trapped trauma and our emotional demons, that seem to rise up from within us – as they don’t like this powerful high-frequency energy.

Handling Energy Releases

Now, the first time this happens it can be quite scary, like a panic attack or your body shaking or the feeling of energy coming up and out of your chest or mouth.

But we are learning to accept this and relax into the discomfort, we separate the energy release from the mind’s scary story and calmly let the emotions escape.

If needed, we quietly talk over the top, “It’s OK, everything is fine, I surrender to this transition…”

Practising Diaphragmatic Breathing

So you can check out Wim Hof’s YouTube videos or you can use the diaphragmatic breathing I showed you in earlier videos.

As a quick reminder – you breathe in until your lungs are full, then slowly breathe out through slightly pursed lips, so there is a slight resistance – and keep gently breathing out until there is absolutely nothing left – then allow your diaphragm to just pull air back into your lungs.

Then just keep repeating, don’t rush – and gently explore what happens as you keep extending the period at the end of the breath – or even holding your breath at the end of the cycle, whilst keeping your body still and calm and running a soothing dialogue in your mind.

Applications of Breathwork

I use this as a form of pre-meditation to quickly get my body and mind in a good place – in dangerous or fearful situations to calm myself – or if I need to raise my energetic frequency to affect those around me.

Cold Exposure Therapy

One last concept that is closely associated with breath-work, is that of taking cold showers or cold baths. Once again there are hundreds of YouTube videos on this topic, but let me give you the headlines.

Evolutionary Context

Evolutionarily speaking, the bodies of our ancestors would have daily gone through what we might call deep shocks, like being cold, getting wet, hunger, heat, and pain.

For them this was natural, and the body evolved to respond well to these conditions, however, these days we have it so easy that many people’s bodies have become normalised to comfort – which (although nice) is not natural.

It is not what we were designed for, nor is it optimal for our health. So by taking cold showers, and importantly, learning to sag your body and intentionally relaxing your body into the cold and just accepting it – does wonders for the cardiovascular system, the immune system, and retraining the brain to stop being all anxious and jumpy about any danger or discomfort.

Personal Anecdote with Cold Showers

I remember being on holiday with some friends – and when I left the pool, I took a shower and then sat back with my friends.

A friend had been watching me and said, “How was the shower?” and I said, “Lovely.”

In fact, it had been freezing cold, but I had just walked into it, I didn’t flinch, I didn’t do any drama, I just sagged my body, breathed slowly, and accepted the cold.

I had just done what I needed to do, with the resources that were around me – no drama.

Managing Physical Responses

I didn’t like it – but remember, our cells respond to what you are thinking, how you move, and your tonality.

I was relaxed in my body, my tonality was “Everything is fine, it’s just cold water” – I was placebo-ing my unconscious body into calmness – although I consciously knew a shock was coming, and when the shock arrived I sagged my body even more and just accepted it.

After about fifteen seconds, it felt lovely, really refreshing – I enjoyed it.

Applying to Other Challenges

You can do the same with anxiety, pain, fear, cold, and even heat to a certain degree.

As the observer, in those moments, realise you are not the body, you have a body, the body will sort itself out if you know what you are doing.

Your job is to make sure it is not stressed until the actual stress happens – and even then, to relax into it!

Teaching Others

A while later that friend swam in the pool, then went over to the shower – and screamed as the freezing cold water hit her – she thought it would be hot, because (to her mind) I had behaved as if it was hot – her brain made that connection, that assumption, that pattern – it’s what brains do.

We, humans, are really programmable, I keep telling you this!

And now, she was doing a whole nervous anxiety dance routine, around this cold shower – freaking herself out, when she wasn’t even in it.

Normally I don’t try to teach my friends these things, it’s none of my business how they live their lives, but I thought as we were there for ten days it might be useful if I could show her – there is another way.

Diffusing Emotional Reactions

So I walked over to her – and she was angry with me, which is funny as I hadn’t done anything, I always relax into the cold, into fear, anxiety, pain, danger.

But she had a virtual reality story, that because I had said the shower was lovely, it was my fault and that I had tricked her.

And because I don’t take things personally, I was able to calmly and lovingly say “You are right, I’m sorry, that was mean of me” which dissipated her emotional reaction to that event.

Teaching Calmness Techniques

I said to her, “Can I teach you a cool trick?” And she said “OK” – and I explained about the cells in darkness, the tonality, the sagging the body – about tricking the biology – and about stopping doing noisy drama either internally or with those around you.

And with that, she just walked into the shower, sagged her body, kept a soft internal dialogue, and just accepted what happened, and after fifteen seconds, she said “Wow, this is really lovely!”

Rapid Belief System Change

She changed a whole belief system in two minutes – plus boosted her immune system and had a powerful cardio workout.

She then became fascinated over the following days, just watching the difference between those who just get on with it and accept the discomfort and those who did a big anxiety, drama dance – or who avoided the shower altogether.

Broader Applications

More and more evidence is being published that show exposure to cold water and intermittent fasting (which are what the body was designed to handle) are powerful tools for resetting your body back into natural balance, calming the mind – and keeping anxiety and depression at bay.

Taking Responsibility for Emotions

So my challenge for you in this video – is to keep asking yourself, “Who is responsible for my emotions?”

And keep reminding yourself – that it is you!

Identifying and Starving Demons

And if something within you is unconsciously stopping this from happening, be that a belief, blaming others, low self-esteem, fear, your little eight-year-old, guilt, trapped trauma, or let’s just say an inner demon.

Let’s see that as a parasitic energy within that feeds from low energy emotions like; fear, drama, guilt, shame, and blame.

Strategies for Calmness

How can you starve it from its low energy fuel via calmness and increasing your energy field through energetic breathing?

How can you purposefully engage with stressful situations and then practice calming yourself down?

Prioritising Desires Over Fear

One of my biggest learnings was that fear can be handled, it can be accepted – these days fear never stops me from doing what I desire to do – because what I desire to achieve is more important than how my body feels.

Embracing Change and Action

Embrace change, embrace uncertainty, feel vulnerable but take action anyway, regardless of the outcome – and keep doing things in the now to influence your future.

Ask yourself are my thoughts and actions making me avoid anxiety – or are they taking me towards who I wish to become.

Intentional Self-Talk

Decide what you want from life and keep consciously, positively, and optimistically talking yourself into it.

Pretend to behave now – how you might expect that future you to think and behave – then do anything and everything (no matter how vulnerable it makes you feel) that takes your life in the direction of those intentions.

Exposure Therapy in Action

This is exposure therapy in action and your life will change – and change is good – though those little demons hate it – poor them, their days are numbered anyway!

It’s all about new you now. New thoughts, new behaviours, new calmness.

Creativity and Focus as Actions

And remember this – creativity is not something that you have, it is something that you do, it is an action.

Focus is not something that you have it is something that you do, you keep your focus on your intentions.

Reprogramming the Brain

Your brain is a powerful instrument but it has been programmed with fear, it is unconsciously just running the programs it has been programmed with (your little demons).

Conscious, positive, and optimistic self-talk, with clear intentions, action in the now, and repetition – update those old programs to scare out those old demons.

Closing with Gratitude

As ever thank you all for your support – and let’s make calmness a big intention.