Unmasking Your Authentic Self: From Childhood Conditioning to Personal Mastery

Introduction to Self-Identity and Masks

I’m John Glanvill, author of The Calmness in Mind Process for Overcoming Anxiety, OCD, and Depression.

I’ve called this video “From Mask to Mastery” – meaning, how can we ever get to know our authentic self (or our full potential self) if we unknowingly hide behind the masks we developed to protect ourselves (or were unknowingly programmed) to wear as we grew up?

Those masks (or chameleon behaviours) or identity labels, like being the funny one, the quiet one, the clever one, the nerdy one, the weird one, the helpful one, the anxious one, the awkward one, the rule-maker, the fixer, the put-upon one – over time evolved into our self-identity, our persona, or our family or cultural identities – along with all the corresponding values, beliefs, and opinions required to support that identity.

Mostly, this happened to us without us realising it until, sometime in our childhood, we consciously assumed that ‘story’ as an identity and said something like “I AM shy and anxious”, “I AM silly and irresponsible”, or “I AM unloved”, or whatever story was implanted into your brain, or your brain used to combat its environment.

The Impact of Childhood Conditioning

In my last video, I mentioned Jen’s father was a behavioural psychologist, and he cleverly rewarded her childhood behaviours such as bravery, standing up to authority, breaking rules, and having fun. He disregarded her when she moaned, was ill, did drama, or complained.

He knew those skills would benefit her as an adult, but needed to be trained into her brain’s operating system during her first seven years of life.

That’s what he did – he trained her formative brain to look for all the things that were good, positive, optimistic, and fun in life, so they became her brain’s default settings by the age of seven when that stage of brain development arrested – and therefore would be instinctively there for the rest of her life.

Shaping Positive Behaviours

From an early age, he said, “Be childlike, not childish, forget the bad things, let them go, and remember the good things; because who wants a brain full of horrible memories? Go out and make good memories; because the actions needed to create those good memories won’t happen with you sitting around doing nothing!”

It’s not just about trying to be cheerful; he also said, “When you get angry – sometimes you can do your best work if you can channel that energy into positive action rather than using it against yourself by just stewing in your rage and blame stories!”

She remembers (as a child) putting on a cheerful mask when she was ill or a brave mask when he dared her to do things – and with repetition, these behaviours became routine for her.

Contrasting Conditioning Experiences

Whereas I was rewarded for being a good child, for being nice, following rules, being quiet, and putting others first – which was great for making a good child.

In my teens, I was told, “There is a wide world of opportunity out there, and you can do (and be) anything you wish – off you go!”

But let’s not kid ourselves – it is a busy and competitive world out there, and those individuals with good self-esteem, those who are not afraid of conflict, those who can ask for what they want, and those who have the courage to try new things – are (usually) more emotionally well-equipped to succeed.

Of course, that terrified my little eight-year-old, my ego – because he was never taught those skills – so all he could do was work harder at trying to be who his brain was conditioned to think he should be.

The Consequences of Limiting Beliefs

What my programmed brain told me – through thoughts, images, stories, and emotional responses was…

That I should be even nicer, increase my efforts to be perfect, that failure was bad, try to fit in even more, and diligently keep following the rules!

All that in a world where this type of person was usually liked, but exploited and often exhausted themselves, needlessly worrying about everything!

I’m not blaming my parents; they were wonderful parents, but they programmed me the way they were programmed. They felt they were keeping me safe, but was it the right kind of safe for an adult?

Exploring Your True Self

How will you truly know anything about yourself if you don’t try things in real life rather than just observing them play out in the virtual reality of your mind screen?

Consider this: if your childhood programming had been different, your brain’s conditioning would have been different; therefore, your sense of self would be different; therefore, your actions would be different, and therefore, the outcomes in your life would have been different – BUT you’d still be the same person – you’d just have different stories about yourself.

Experiential vs. Virtual Learning

Everybody starts off knowing nothing – then (in their first seven years) their brain is conditioned into one of two camps – either they are comfortable learning experientially or empirically (by doing), so they get on with life and develop lots of practical skills: dancing, singing, optimism, socialising, saying yes, trying new things.

Whilst the other group try to learn virtually (or mentally) before acting, they look for the danger, not the opportunity in each moment, they need to understand it, see proof of it, and evidence that it might work before they try, in case they fail or embarrass themselves.

In varying degrees, you were programmed one way or the other, but with the right reprogramming and lots of repetition of new experiences, this is adjustable.

Even if you do those adjustments – the brain will always remind you of its old initial programming, though (now) you can just smile at those thought stories.

Overcoming Old Programming

Even though I know all this and even though I don’t have anxiety or OCD, my brain still occasionally throws those old thoughts at me, but they don’t stick anymore – as I don’t believe them – I am the Observer who just watches what the brain is doing, and I can do my own thing.

We need to be able to act from each of those camps as required to become well-rounded human beings – so my question for you to deeply consider is this…

Are the stories you tell yourself (and limit yourself with) about yourself – true?

Are you prepared to explore if they are true? By engaging with your desires and new intentions for life – just to see what happens?

Or will you acquiesce (give in) and simply believe your brain’s programmed assumptions, which use doubt, guilt, blame, responsibility, time, availability, emotions, lack of skills, or pain as excuses? When many of these excuses are addressable (to some degree) if you are honest.

Leaning into Fear and Discomfort

To address these excuses, you’ll need to explore how to lean into fear, pain, and discomfort – and come to know yourself more fully.

As I will keep saying until my final breath, the best target to practise your ERP on is your life, NOT necessarily your localised anxiety symptoms.

Through repetition, this learned ability (to be comfortable with discomfort) whilst remaining optimistic and envisioning your intentions manifesting into reality – is vital for change.

Focusing on Positive Intentions

This means consciously thinking of the positive steps that might make your new intentions happen! (Rather than imagining all things that might go wrong).

Then, to imagine (now) what it might feel like if you succeeded – because you may as well enjoy that feeling now, and remember, there is only now – everything else that is not happening now is just imagination, so not true.

The future may seem true, but it hasn’t happened yet and might not – but the brain assumes it to be true!

So you’ll think it’s true, too! Unless YOU become the Observer, because, then, you are the one watching all this happen in your head.

You’ll think, “Wow, my brain is running all these crazy stories about what will happen next, based on how it was conditioned to see life and all its perceived experiences of life! And the body has reacted to those stories as if they were true – fascinating!”

“I can’t believe I used to think that was me! Because now, as the rider of this horse, I can see myself as infinite, boundless energy!”

The Power of Thoughts and Energy

Lucky for us, the body is trickable, placebo-able – it responds to our thoughts – we can consciously feed it crappy thoughts or lovely thoughts – and regardless of their truth, the body just blindly responds!

Thoughts have energy – and are those thoughts life-limiting under energy level 200 or above – thus life-expanding? – Remember video 37?

Are you pulling energy out of nature by doing drama or asking nature to support you by taking action and putting energy back into it?

As the Observer, we are not letting the brain just run its old default setting programmes; we are tricking it into running new high-energy, optimistic, and trusting patterns.

Curating Your Environment

Perhaps, elevate your energy into higher attractor fields by playing some Mozart if you are trying to study – or some high-energy music if you wish to get on with something physical.

A quick note here about your living environment, the music you listen to, TV shows you watch, the computer games you play, and the people you hang out with – because what you might like and what might be good for you (energetically speaking) might be two completely different things.

The Energy of Media and Environment

If we observe life through the lens of energy – as we align with the essence of something rather than its appearance, things change drastically.

Watching a TV soap opera or playing a shoot-’em-up video game is fun, but that amusement resides in a low-energy attractor field of drama, conflict, deceit, guilt, blame, control, shame, anger, and death – and the electrons in all these low-energy attractor fields are resonating with all the electrons in your body at that same low frequency – and is that what you want?

These TV shows and computer games are affecting your thoughts: “Yeah, I killed that dragon” or “That was a terrible performance; you’re fired!”

We consciously know these are not real, but our unconscious mind, our atomic body, and our subatomic quantum soup of electrons, and God knows what else inside, think they are real and respond to them!

We are (unknowingly) either attracting those low-energy fields to us – or they are attracting us to them, like an invisible addiction.

Resonating at a Higher Frequency

How might we resonate at a higher frequency via different thoughts and exposing ourselves to new environments?

Can you see how thinking in terms of energy can transform your life on so many levels? Most people haven’t been taught to think in these ways.

Your thoughts, energy level, actions, and intentions influence the quantum field of nature, the wave-like unmanifest sea of potentiality waiting to collapse into actuality as matter.

This implies that we can influence (to some degree) what happens next through our actions, thoughts, feelings, and energy field…

Assuming the situational conditions are appropriate, and once things like karma have been accounted for – which is why we might have to accept that sometimes bad things need to happen to us – for us to move on.

Then you wait to see what the universe throws back at you; watch how your actions unfold – rather than being attached to any specific outcome!

This is just the way it seems to work! It’s easy really – just very hard to do initially! Because you need to break the habit of the old stories you keep telling yourself.

Taking Responsibility for Your Life

When I did this, I discovered that though I had a controlling nature, I could be selective about when I wanted to use it. I found that being selfish sometimes can be very powerful and that loving (and accepting) takes much less energy than fearing and controlling.

Most of all, I learned that the world’s problems weren’t my problems – other people’s problems weren’t my problems – unless I made them my problems – and that I could still have empathy, compassion, and love without having to feel others’ pain or fix their problems.

They had their lives and lessons to learn; this was my life, and I had my lessons to learn.

New Perspectives on Challenges

I was learning how to use these new perspectives on the challenges I was experiencing in life (as they arose) from the principle that in any moment, I could accept what is happening, I could try to influence what was happening, or I could remove myself from what was happening.

Knowing that the degree to which I could have those choices available would depend on my ability to expand and grow my behavioural and emotional skillset.

I discovered I could have big desires and aim higher than my conditioned brain was trained to expect and that situations, jobs, people, desires, and locations can change in a moment.

If I were waiting for something to change before I took action, then I would be living somebody else’s dream of life, not mine.

Exploring Your Potential

What about you – what more do you have to offer yourself? Which stories about self-identity do you need to drop or temporarily adopt, borrow, or pretend to have – that might orientate you into action?

My story is still expanding because I am still growing, you only need to look back at my earlier videos to see how much I’ve changed, and it happened right before you.

Because I spend a month thinking deeply about (and creating each video), that process impacts my life profoundly; there is lots of contemplation and repetition, and my brain is continuously changing, morphing, and surprising me.

Though this project is probably the hardest thing I have done in my life, producing this content has enabled me to comprehend my true essence better, and I am eager to discover what is still to be revealed.

The Courage to Be Vulnerable

Most people don’t know this, but sharing my life publicly has been very difficult for me – but I have only been following my own advice – that – feeling vulnerable – yet to keep taking action (towards an intention you desire) is courageous regardless of what outcome may arise.

More often than not, each subsequent video I made was deeply influenced by how much my sense of self had expanded the month before.

You might watch this video one or two times, but I watched it 200 times as I wrote it, filmed it, and edited it – I am continuously reprogramming my unconscious mind too!

Adopting New Masks for Growth

I am urging you to think in terms of expanding your self-identity.

Who around you do you respect, and how can you copy their behaviours? Can you put on a warrior mask and join a public speaking class, or a nomad mask and join a dance class?

Can your introvert put on an extrovert mask and encourage itself to talk to others and become more expressive?

Can you put on a selfish mask and put yourself first, ask for what you want, and tell others what you need?

The Danger of a Single Identity

What I’ve noticed over the years is… The more a person has a single identity and the more they cling to it, and the more they let it define them, – then the more their thoughts and behaviours will align with that identity – like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This is why I have been asking you to drop statements like “I have anxiety” or “I suffer from OCD” – and instead use more optimistic and positively placebo-ing type phrases such as, “I am becoming a calmer person” or “my Warrior is finding his voice” or “my Nomad is becoming more playful.”

The goal is to consciously reprogram our unconscious brains with the new ‘stories’ we would like to have about ourselves – even if we don’t (consciously) fully believe them yet.

Positive Inner Dialogue

How can you stop talking yourself out of doing things that will be good for you – and start talking yourself into doing them?

As we try on new masks, our inner dialogue needs to become much more loving and positive – and for some people, this might be quite a new experience.

Here are some ideas for the new type of language your conscious inner dialogue can aim for:

• I love myself

• My Soul is beautiful

• I am interesting

• New challenges excite me

• People like me

• I can talk to anybody

• It’s OK to put myself first

• I no longer fear fear

• Saying no to others is saying yes to me

• I can speak my mind

• I love making friends and being social

• I can have fun

• I will respect myself no matter what

Initially, I struggled with these simple concepts of just being nice to myself (even if I didn’t believe it) – and that initial reluctance probably delayed my personal growth by at least two years! However, I wouldn’t have it any other way inside my head now!

The Importance of Self-Compassion

It upsets me when I hear people talking horribly to themselves about themselves – I want to grab them and say, “Don’t you realise that you can be nice to yourself? That being nice to yourself is a choice, an attitude, and something you can (and should) learn to do!”

I recently told a friend, “I can’t do that!” And she replied, “Don’t say that; that’s my friend you are talking about; he can do anything!” What a wonderful and loving response!

We all know people whose confidence exceeds their abilities – or who just assume everybody thinks they are wonderful – well, is that a bad thing? Is being nice to yourself wrong? I don’t think so.

There is probably a middle ground where you can gently believe you are capable of doing much more.

Nobody’s more worthy of love than anybody else. However, our egos do that duality thing of comparing and judging, making one thing better than another – and I’m urging you to become aware of this, observe it, then ignore it, and consciously talk over it with a nicer story of yourself.

Reframing Perceived Limitations

I remember working with one very tall woman and another who was very small – and each complained to me about how hard it was to be that particular height.

I asked them both if they wanted to share a therapy session with me so each could hear the perceived issues of the other, they did, and each was amazed that the other had something to complain about because each had thought the other was better off.

They became good friends and soon learned that whatever story their old identity was running was just a story and could be replaced with another, more loving and accepting one.

It doesn’t matter what you think others are thinking of you (or what they are thinking of you) – what matters is what you consciously think about yourself and how agreeable and pleasant you can make that story, no matter what – now that’s a powerful life skill to develop!

Identifying and Overcoming Barriers

Can you honestly ask yourself, “Which stories, masks, or restrictive self-identities are stopping me from moving forward?”

And, “Which emotions will I need to rise above, outgrow, or ignore as part of my growth process?”

Then, “Who (or what) within my environment is restricting me from exploring who I could become? Am I taking responsibility for myself? Or have I deferred that responsibility to another person or organisation?”

A Case Study in Self-Responsibility

Somebody said to me recently – I can’t get a job because I will lose benefits, plus because I haven’t worked for ten years, I have limited skills.

They went on to say – I know my mother is the source of my anger, but I can’t afford to move out of her house; plus, if I did, she wouldn’t be able to cope.

I am exhausted, and my anxiety is going crazy, which stops me from going out. I am depressed, bored, and lonely; I just watch videos all day and have to smoke weed in the evening because if I don’t, all my anger and frustration come out at my mother, which is not fair as it’s not her fault.

I love to drive cars, but I can’t afford one; my ideal job would be a truck driver, but I can’t afford to take the course – how can I ever get out of this mess?

I said, what are you trying? And they said nothing as it’s all too overwhelming, and my anxiety and anger have trapped me.

Choosing a Path Forward

I replied that their first decision was to recognise whether they are owning their own power of responsibility or giving it away to another person or organisation (or both).

We need to take all the emotion out of the situation and look at the facts – starting with the first issue you raised – you can’t get a job because you’ll lose benefits and have limited skills.

Do you want to stay on benefits, or do you want a job? Pick one option. Do you want to be dependent on the state or dependent on your individual actions?

If you choose to be dependent on the state, you can drop all your worries and guilt about not having a job, and you can stay home and smoke weed without any guilt.

But, if that is your choice – you’ll have to stay living with your mother, so out of respect for yourself (and her), it might be worth releasing all your trapped trauma and frustration and forging a new relationship with her.

If you can’t do that, you’ll need to find somewhere else to live or share a house with; therefore, what might need to change within you to allow that to happen?

Should you choose to take responsibility for your finances, you’ll need a clear intention of what you’ll need to do and what actions you’ll take.

It will be scary (or exciting) – BUT you’ll no longer be sitting on the fence procrastinating and worrying about losing benefits – because self-funding will be your new intention.

Acting on New Intentions

If that’s your choice, it makes sense to run consciously optimistic stories about your growth into this path of action rather than negative stories of relapse or failure.

On this new trajectory – you won’t be able to use the excuse of your mother needing you – to stop you from getting on with life, and you’ll need to be using your free time now, learning new things, not wasting it playing video games.

If you want to be a truck driver – have you called all the trucking firms to see if they are sponsoring new drivers? Are you looking for smaller delivery driver jobs so you can move up towards getting your truck driving licence?

Can you see what a different story this is?

I said – I know your situation seems dire and overwhelming, and your years of worry have exhausted you, causing anxiety and low self-esteem – but you need to choose one path and stick to it.

Which self-identity stories will you need to drop, and which new ones will you need to adopt? How can you keep talking yourself into the new story rather than out of it?

Embracing Change as a Constant

These days I am bewildered that so many people dislike change (or are scared of change) when change is one of the few constants in nature (it’s Newton’s second law of thermodynamics, that entropy is everywhere, everything is continuously changing and always will be). Surely, that is the adventure of life, and what makes it so varied and exciting?

How can you become the sort of person who accepts change? How can you modify your behaviours and belief systems to embrace change? What adaptations to your self-identity might be needed? What masks may need updating (or dropping)?

Who or what is sucking the energy of life from you? What identity within you makes you feel guilty? Or which person around you uses guilt as a tool to manipulate you?

Identifying Distractions

Ask yourself, how am I distracting myself from living my life? By lying in bed all morning, watching TV, social media, YouTube videos, helping others (rather than yourself), being in the wrong job, spending all day worrying rather than taking action, and feeling lonely yet not going out to meet people.

I’m sorry if this is a bit in your face, but somebody has to say these things!

Change is all about taking responsibility for yourself, and a good starting point to consider is – what behaviours (or masks) might you be exhibiting that you refuse to acknowledge?

The Hidden Control of Anxiety and OCD

Having anxiety or OCD generally takes a lot of control and dominance, yet often, the individual is unaware of this. They typically feel like victims in life, to their thoughts, emotions, and other people.

They often force others to reassure them and then control that person’s behaviours to stop them from acting in ways that might exacerbate their fears.

Examples of this might include controlling others to be tidier, more hygienic, not going out with friends, not travelling, and badgering them for continuous reassurance.

How might you take responsibility for what you do and allow them to take responsibility for their lives?

Uncovering Hidden Desires

Perhaps, you are waking up to the fact that you are bored and restless, that it is not natural for you to be stuck in one place, and your nomadic side wishes to be more selfishly doing whatever you want rather than worrying about everybody else?

Another thing I’d like you to consider – Is, could it be that what you desire for your life is overwhelmed (or hidden) by your current anxiety?

A Case Study: OCD and Unfulfillment

I spoke to a lady recently who was fixated on her OCD and her fears about security and contamination.

All she wanted to discuss with me were how to stop her intrusive thoughts and fearful feelings. When I said, “Forget them; what do you want from life?” She replied, “I just need my OCD to stop before I can even think about that.”

I replied, “It seems to me that you are bored, lonely, and you hate your job!” She burst out crying and said, “How do you know that?”

I said, “Because if you weren’t bored, lonely, and hating your job, you’d be much happier, you’d worry less, and therefore would have less anxiety!”

Can you see that her mask of victim anxiety was covering her emotions of boredom and unfulfillment?

Revisiting Belief Systems

Another way to look at masks is linked to our belief systems. This is a huge subject, and you might need to revisit video 21, where I introduced you to anxiety loops and how we break them, not by focusing on our symptoms but by introducing new thought processes.

During the process of changing myself, I had to drop many of my old beliefs about fairness, about how the world worked, my need for excessive tidiness and order, my need for security, and my relationship with money.

I don’t care what anybody says – there is plenty of money out there in the world; the question is, are you vying for it? Do you have skin in the game? Have you identified your value?

The Value of Competencies

Looking back over my years working in corporations, I am so thankful for all of the extensive training I was given on technology, communication skills, and personality profiling.

Of the many courses I attended, one always stood out; it was called competency-based hiring, where they advised that if you are going to hire a person, look initially for the competencies they will need to possess to do the job well, like eagerness, emotional intelligence, calmness, are they open to change, learning, and things like that – rather than if they have the right experience.

Because anybody can learn new information or processes, but few are prepared to change their behaviours and their emotional attitudes to deliver that knowledge effectively.

Showcasing Your Value

Can you see why I am trying to nudge you into believing in yourself and to realise that you shouldn’t use lack of experience as an excuse to not move forward, instead use the mantra of – “What competencies can I develop now within myself that will be of value to any organisation regardless of my experience.”

Every now and then, I see an individual giving exceptional service or resolving conflicts intelligently, and it flashes through my mind that they would be the type of person I would hire – if I needed someone.

Twice in my career, I approached individuals (in different industries) who were showing the competencies I required for the vacancies I had – and asked them if they would like to interview for a job.

One of those guys ended up working for me in a very senior position though he would never have got that interview based on his virtual reality CV – however, he did get an interview based on what I saw of his true performance.

Many of the jobs I obtained came from people approaching me – because they saw behaviours in me that were of use to them.

Becoming Your Own Advocate

How can you become your own advertising screen to the world? Even if you are initially only pretending to be happy, optimistic, creative, cheeky, authentic – and feeling vulnerable, yet still taking action – which exhibits to others as courage!

Can you see the power of self-responsibility, self-drivenness, and self-reliance? It doesn’t mean you can do something; it means you are prepared to try to do something as best you can – and surely, who can ask for more?

Navigating Resistance to Change

As you change, though – you’ll likely be faced with a couple of challenges; firstly, many people might not like your new behaviours because they will clash with the unconscious virtual reality story their brain has of you, or your new ways of being may reveal their own insecurities.

For example, what if your father had anxiety and programmed you to see life as scary and dangerous – but as you become calmer, braver, and start expanding your life; he may try to talk you out of it or guilt you into staying at home with him.

Setting Respectful Boundaries

You might want to hide some of this knowledge from them by changing your language or having a dedicated plan to update their virtual reality story of you.

For example, to just say out loud, “NMP, that’s Not My Problem!” might be too overwhelming for some people to hear, especially if they haven’t done this type of work. So you might be thinking NMP, but what comes out of your mouth is, “I don’t have enough time today to take responsibility for worrying about Susan.”

Or rather than being coerced into taking sides in a conversation with a person, you might say, “I haven’t had time to consider that point yet”, or “Both sides have merit”, or “I am trying to not have opinions about things just now, but it is interesting listening to yours.”

Another way to respond that avoids you having to take sides is by giving an answer that straddles all points, like saying, “The dominant part of me wants to take action; the playful side of me is not interested, and the caring side of me is quite upset by this.”

You can also pretend to agree with another person (but in a polite way) where they feel listened to, but you haven’t really agreed with them; however, the conversation ends or stays out of drama.

So if they say, “I think the government was wrong introducing that bill.” You could say, “I can see why you might think that way.”

Or if they said, “I don’t like it when you do that thing”, you might reply with, “Yes, I can see why that would have upset you; thank you for bringing it to my attention.”

A Practical Example of Boundary Setting

A friend once asked me what she could do about her husband’s controlling behaviour whenever she drank alcohol, which would often cause arguments between them.

I suggested that his behaviour stemmed from his true love and care for her and that her arguing with him made him feel rejected and not heard.

I suggested that though she might not agree with him (or even do as he requested), she might at least acknowledge his concerns.

Some weeks later, we were all having dinner together, and when she asked for another drink, her husband stepped in, saying, “I think you’ve had enough!”

She calmly replied, “Thank you for your beverage-based concerns; they are respected and duly noted.” And she offered her glass for a top-up. We all fell about laughing (even her husband), and elegantly, the emotion of the situation had been diffused rather than escalated.

Can you see we are putting respectful boundaries in place to protect us from them and them from us?

Aligning with Higher Energy Identities

One of the most powerful ways I know of changing identity or adapting the masks we wear is based on the Dr Hawkins Map of Consciousness I detailed in video 37, part 2.

Put simply, can you drop any self-identity stories that calibrate under 200; therefore, are low energy and life-restricting like anxiety, anger, fear, guilt, shame, and pride?

Can you align with new identities and masks above 200, therefore, high energy and life-affirming, such as courage, willingness, acceptance, optimism, trust, forgiveness, and love?

You’ll be shocked at what happens as you shift to these new higher-energy stories, perspectives, actions, and self-identities because everything is energy and our energy signatures affect everything around us.

Fun Homework: Watch “As Good as It Gets”

A fun bit of homework for you… There is a wonderful film from 1997 called As Good as It Gets where Jack Nicholson brilliantly plays the role of a selfish and rude, anxious and manic obsessive reclusive.

In the film, a series of events force him to reassess his identity (or masks), thus surprising others of his true caring nature – and himself, as he re-engages with life and people.

Though just a film, it beautifully reflects life, in as much as – new behaviours will change your life – but you’ll never know what will happen until it does – regardless of what your conditioned brain tells you.

I really would recommend you watch it!

Confronting Fears About Death

In this last section, I want to revisit thoughts about death – because if we want a calmer life, surely that includes a calmer death too?

Do you remember in video 32, part one, where I asked you to consider what you thought might happen when you die, with the idea that this may reveal how you might decide to live now?

Different Masks Around Death

What masks do you wear concerning your death and the passing of others?

Some people wear a mask of denial, not wanting to think about death or loss.

Others might wear a mask of neediness – perhaps they are petrified of dying or losing someone they love; therefore, they anxiously cling to that person or restrict any activities perceived to be dangerous.

Another group might find life too overwhelming (or perhaps underwhelming) and secretly wish for it to be over, therefore wear a mask of fake acceptance.

Perhaps, for others, life may currently be so wonderful that the fear of change or losing what they have weighs heavily upon them.

Another group may have seen loved ones die slow or painful deaths, and they fear a similar end for themselves.

I am sure there are many points of view – and it is certainly not my intention to tell you what is right for you!

Personal Reflections on Death

I can share with you how I see it and how (as best I can) I have come to terms with the death of my body.

If I reflect on my old attitudes to death (back when I had my mental health issues), they were a complex mixture of denial, seeing life as futile, therefore considering ending it, and the fear of any pain and suffering that might have to be endured.

As I found more calmness and connection with life, things began to change.

A Turning Point with a Pet

The first experience that I can clearly remember as a turning point – was with a dog I had about ten years ago.

One morning he was playing in the garden when something spooked him; he came running into the house to find me and then collapsed at my feet and had a grand mal seizure (an epileptic fit).

I was surprised that although my body was stressed and my brain was running lots of fearful stories about losing him – I also had a detached calmness that saw the whole incident from a totally new perspective.

Because I was able to detach from my body’s emotions and not be hooked by my brain’s negative thoughts and stories – from the still energy of my Observer, I was flooded with the desire to be calm and gentle with him, so if he were to die at that moment, his last experience would have been from a calm, loving, and optimistic perspective and in a high energy field.

I gently restrained him so he didn’t hurt himself; I stroked his head and spoke as softly and as positively as I could.

I was deeply connected with him (and what I could positively do for him at that moment), accepting that the final outcome would be out of my control.

I remember thinking that – even if he died, it was still wonderful to have had him in my life.

Luckily, the fit passed; he slowly regained consciousness, saw a calm me, shook his body, had a little cuddle, and then ran back into the garden!

My behaviour surprised me. It shouldn’t have really, as I had been doing so much work on myself; however, this was the first time the (new me) had been tested in this particular way.

Lessons from the Experience

I told a friend of mine about my experience, and she said, “I would have been a nervous wreck, crying and panicking.”

Then she said, “OMG, that would have been his last experience of life, listening to me freak out – or he would have woken up to see me (as a nervous wreck) and might be wondering what he had done wrong!”

This got me thinking about what intentions I would like to have for my death, and the one concept that kept coming to the fore was to try to pass away as calmly as I could.

To not freak out, moan, or complain, and to make my experience and that of those around me as agreeable as possible.

If the aeroplane was crashing down, to (as best I could) sit back in the chair, say what I wanted to say to those around me, to trust that it would be over in seconds, and not go out kicking and screaming.

Plus, if there were a chance of survival, my brain would be alert enough to increase my chances of finding a way through it.

If I was seriously injured in a car crash or some random accident – to aim for calmness so others could help me more easily and to minimise the stress on my body.

If I had died, the medics could say to my loved ones, he passed calmly, he was OK with it, he asked us to give you this message…

Applying Calmness in a Health Crisis

About three years ago, my intention was put to the test. I awoke one morning with a crushing pain in my chest which I assumed to be a heart attack; I clearly remember a wave of panic coming over me, then consciously remembering my intention to die calmly if that was happening.

I immediately switched my inner dialogue from, “OMG, I’m having a heart attack!” to “I accept what is happening right now.”

I didn’t like it or want it – but it was happening.

I sagged my body; I focused on my breathing as best I could – with the thought that the calmer I was, the less pressure would be placed upon my body.

I calmly woke Jen up and said that I needed an ambulance. Then as we waited for it to arrive, I was able to calmly tell her how I felt should that have been my time to leave.

My body was anxious, and my brain was running all sorts of negative stories – but I was able to consciously keep my attention and awareness away from them and on my chosen intention of dying (or surviving) as calmly as I could.

Once in the hospital, they found the cause (which wasn’t a heart attack) and sorted me out.

That incident really proved to me – the power that a clearly stated conscious intention could have to keep you on track with how you desire to live (or die) regardless of what the brain and body were defaulting to.

I had chosen the mask of calmness and acceptance and had practised it until it became the new me.

Evolving Beliefs About Death

Up until the age of fifty, I believed that when we died, the lights were switched off, and that was that – game over!

Following a series of incredible experiences, I was clearly shown that something lives on and goes elsewhere.

I can’t tell you how liberating it has been for me to not fear death. In fact, during my perceived heart attack, there was a little part of me that thought, “OK, then, you finally get to experience the next adventure; how exciting…”

If I had been wrong, if I had died and it was just darkness and game over, I wouldn’t have known about it! And that really works for me too!

That’s the model I use, and it has been very effective for me; it doesn’t mean it’s true, but it is true to me; it is the inner subjective experience I wish to create for myself.

I adopted the belief that my Soul or the formless energy of my life moves to another plane after the body dies – and I coupled that with my intention to die calmly.

I learned how to switch off my logic and reason and install new programmes that serve me well even if I can’t fully prove them to be true.

Death as a Spiritual Opportunity

I have subsequently read (and been told by many people) that how a person transitions from this life to the next (or you might say handles the death of the body) offers one of the largest leaps upwards in spiritual consciousness.

Of course, I don’t know if that is true, but it would make sense to me – that if you popped into the other side calm and smiling, ready for whatever is next, that is a great foundational starting point demonstrating you learned well in earth school.

That’s just how I see things and what I do, it works for me, but you need to decide what might work for you – certainly, it is worth considering how you wish to handle your death.

All the great masters say death is inevitable; therefore, deal with it as soon as you can, and then you’ll be able to step into life with much less fear.

A Poetic Reflection on Masks

I’d like to leave you with a poem by Brian Patten called The Right Mask:

One night a poem came up to a poet
From now on, it said, you must wear a mask.
What kind of mask? asked the poet.
A rose mask, said the poem.

I’ve used it already, said the poet,
I’ve exhausted it.
Then wear the mask that’s made out of a nightingale’s song, use that mask.
Oh, it’s an old mask, said the poet, it’s all used up.

Nonsense, said the poem, it’s the perfect mask,
still, try on the God mask, now that mask illuminates heaven.
It’s a tight mask, said the poet,
and the stars crawl about in it like ants.
Then try on the troubadour’s mask, or the singer’s mask,
try on all the popular masks.
I have, said the poet, but they fit so easily.

The poem was getting impatient,
it stamped its feet like a child,
it screamed. Then try on your own face,
try the one mask that terrifies,

the mask only you could possibly use, the mask only you could wear out.

The poet tore at his face til it bled,
this mask? he yelled, this mask?
Yes, said the poem, yes.

But the poet was tired of masks,
he had lived too long with them,
he snatched at the poem and stuck it in his face.
Its screams were muffled, it wept, it tried to be lyrical,
it wriggled into his eyes and mouth.

Next day his friends were afraid of him,
he looked so distorted.
Now it’s the right mask, said the poem, the right mask.
It clung to him lovingly and never let go again.

Conclusion and Call to Action

Thank you all for watching and for your continued support – let’s get exploring what masks we might be wearing…