Is avoiding discomfort a sensible strategy?

If you are of a certain age (mid-life), you can often find yourself in a strange phase of your life – between the generation above us who are retiring and the generation below us who are at the beginning of their careers.

From this vantage point, we may find it fascinating to observe what is changing and what is staying the same across all generations as times wanders by.

For example, my older generation grew up with many physical discomforts, no central heating, outside toilets, limited food choices, fewer creature comforts etc. In comparison, my younger generation has benefited from plenty of food, warmth, computers and generally has had to endure less physical discomfort.

And although the younger generation seems to have experienced less physical discomfort, we know that both groups have equally experienced the same levels of emotional distress and pain. However, each is of a different paradigm.

So, I would like to explore your attitude towards discomfort.

Every mammal, animal, insect, fish and creature that lives ‘out there’ faces a life of discomfort finding food, trying not to get eaten, finding a mate, building a shelter and generally staying alive! They don’t have any choice but to accept that discomfort and get on with it. They don’t have the luxury of procrastinating or being picky or choosy.

So, why do so many people try to avoid discomfort or expect the world to be comfortable? Surely that is naivety? Because if you could be comfortable with feeling discomfort, then you could get on and do anything!

I believe the difference between the creatures of the world and their ability to handle discomfort and ours can be simply explained: firstly, they don’t expect anything to be any different, and secondly, they don’t think! 

Whereas we humans expect things to be different, we scare ourselves (into discomfort) with our thoughts!

Moving into your discomfort zone

Now, because this website is all about finding inner calmness, silencing the mind and freeing yourself from yourself – it makes sense to remove any hurdles to these goals as quickly as possible.

Therefore, the new question becomes – How can I be comfortable with my discomfort? 

And if you are still trying to figure it out, a sub-question may be Why do I avoid discomfort anyway?

As people explore these questions, they soon discover that what they try to avoid are typically bad feelings, intrusive thoughts or uncomfortable bodily sensations.

For example, many people won’t eat fruit or vegetables – they say, “I don’t like the taste!” OMG! They won’t eat food essential for their health because the taste makes them uncomfortable! 

They won’t stop smoking because it may cause them some discomfort!!! 

Can you see, at a simplistic level, these beliefs don’t pass the common sense test?

I want to suggest that it may be so much more natural for us to relearn how to be OK with discomfort and accept it as a part of life and get on with things rather than trying to control everything so we only get pleasant sensations as that is just unrealistic and self-limiting.

The trap we fall into by avoiding discomfort

Suppose we don’t accept discomfort (as a normal part of life), we’ll have to stay in the old paradigm where we need to avoid negative emotions and shut down our incessant negative thoughts – or we’ll have to try and meditate them away, or credit card them away, or food them away, or alcohol them away! But, you’ll know – but you know deep down that they will keep coming back, and you’ll keep trying to avoid them! 

What a cruel, bitter, fearful and senseless game!

So what is the antidote? 

I would suggest it is – begin to accept discomfort!

• Just eat your vegetables even if you don’t like them
• If it is boring, do it anyway
• If it is cold, put a coat on and get on with it
• If there is conflict, deal with it
• If you want something, go and get it
• If they are annoying you, tell them to stop
• Stop moaning and get on with it

Will these things make you feel uncomfortable? Of course, they will. For a few seconds, for the first few times, and then it’s all over, and you’ll have moved on. 

Any other way leaves you stuck (and often miserable). 

Start to realise that we don’t need to avoid discomfort; it is part of life! 

Embrace it and recognise that being comfortable with discomfort enables you to do almost anything!

How refreshing, or scary, or exciting? Well, it depends on your willingness to embrace discomfort!