Where is your locus of control?

The term Locus of Control (LoC) is a psychological term that describes how much a person believes they can control the events of their life. 

If you have an ‘external’ locus of control, you will likely feel many aspects of life seem out of your control and believe that chance, fate, luck, God or ‘other’ people will play a big role in how your life unfolds. 

Whereas those who have formed an ‘internal’ locus of control believe they are responsible for their own life and the outcomes they experience.

As you can imagine, if a person wants to change who they are and move from a perceived victim of life to a person who (where possible) influences their life in new ways – this is a fundamental concept that is worth exploring in great depth.

In my therapy practice, I use a simple test to examine if a person learned to use an interior or exterior source of reference; this, then, allows me to use the appropriate strategies when guiding them towards taking more responsibility for their thoughts and actions.

I found that those individuals with a higher external locus of control seemed more susceptible to anxiety, depression, poor health and weight gain. While those with lower more internal scores were often calmer, more optimistic, more resilient and seemed to bounce back more quickly after unfortunate events in their life.

My experience showed that helping a client move their external locus of control towards an internal one while helping them take more responsibility for all aspects of their life was a key component for recovery from anxiety and depression. It also helped raise their self-esteem, self-worth and confidence.

Locus of control vs Desire for control

Many individuals I worked with used to have a good natural perception; they would walk into a room and pick up on people’s moods, like a sixth sense. However, as they became more depressed and anxious, fearful of what their emotions would do next, the ability to trust their feelings lessened, leaving them (unknowingly) feeling more vulnerable.

To counterbalance those vulnerable feelings, they began to (unconsciously) look for external validation to help them feel more secure about their decisions and actions in life. 

This is an excellent example of a person’s locus of control moving from internal to external through the ‘numbing’ of their emotions due to prolonged periods of stress, trauma or depression, much as I have outlined in my videos.

When this happens, the anxiety, depression, ME, OCD, agoraphobia or hypochondria sufferer (tick your box) unconsciously becomes far more obsessive about controlling the small things in their life rather than facing the issues that they know need addressing but are too scary.

Any carer or partner will know just how frustrating and annoying it is to ‘put up with’ all the rules about what is and isn’t acceptable around the house, what to eat, where to go, what to wear, etc.

Mostly, the sufferer can’t see that they are controlling the tiny things and avoiding facing the big decisions. This becomes the beginning of obsessional behaviour that they feel gives them at least some control, even though it is mistaken, debilitating and truly holding them back.

It takes time; however, once the sufferer can see that they are controlling the petty things and abducting responsibility for the real issues in their life, things can change. 

Of course, they will still need to set goals, change the way they are thinking and start planning for the future – but that’s a whole other issue; they need to pull themselves out of the depressive state, one realisation at a time.

Remember, too, that waiting for motivation to come just does not work! It is activity that generates motivation, even though you won’t feel like doing it; this is just a fundamental law of nature!

This is important

So, a person who is controlling and has a high external locus of control will feel uncomfortable, vulnerable and powerless. At the same time, a person who is controlling but with an internal locus of control will be active, more positive and feel more in control of their life, thus happier. 

Finding the right balance is the name of the game, and although it is hard to put into words how the two types differ- because there are always so many degrees of separation, I have tried to list some generic indicators.

External Locus of Control:

• Are likely to feel a little uncomfortable in social situations.
• Feel powerless and will often defer to ‘professionals’ for help, Doctors, specialist etc.
• Are more likely to believe that medication will help them to recover.
• Tend to view things negatively – glass half empty.
• Tend to struggle to get back on track after trauma, bereavement or trouble in their life.
• Tend to focus on worries and negative ‘what if’ scenarios.
• Seem to get ill easily, catch colds and any bug that is doing the rounds, get tired easily.
• Tend to lean on others for support and advice.
• Tend to put on weight easily or comfort eat.
• May tend to put faith in horoscopes, clairvoyants or other paranormal concepts.
• May struggle to get to sleep as thoughts in their mind race around.
• May be religious or have a ‘faith’ that God will sort it out for them – in the end.
• Are likely to have developed a kind of learned helplessness.
• May (unknowingly) get lots of attention from others due to their suffering.
• Tend to control the small (irritating to others) things that tend to pin themselves down, i.e. Won’t go out to a restaurant or fly abroad.
• Tend to blame other elements if things go wrong.

So, you can see that many of these strategies are looking externally from themselves for help, advice or guidance; their emotions are, in many instances, a victim to (and controlled by) what others do and say.

Internal Locus of Control:

• Are likely to feel reasonably comfortable in social situations or at least can fake it well as they know integration into society is a human need.
• May listen to Doctors and specialists but feel they also know themselves well, so they may take or ignore their advice and try new things.
• May try to avoid medication and use positive thinking and healthy living for their mental wellbeing.
• Tend to view things positively – glass half full, “this is an interesting opportunity, I wonder if I could give it a try?”
• Seem to bounce back quickly after trauma, bereavement or trouble in their life, don’t dwell on the past.
• Tend to focus on what they can do, what they will do and when they will do it – they have goals.
• Have a great immune system, rarely get ill, have lots of energy.
• Seem to be very independent, rarely ask for help.
• Tend to be the right weight for their age and height, eat healthily and exercise
• Do not believe in the paranormal or horoscopes etc.
• Tend to sleep well most of the time, can get by on less sleep if busy.
• May not be religious, but maybe spiritual they take strength from the belief they have in themselves and that the universe will support them.
• Take responsibility for mistakes or mishaps, they learn from them and grow emotionally, they don’t get stuck in stories about past failures.
• They feel they have the power within themself to do whatever they feel is right, without deferring to external sources.

People with an internal locus of control are generally far more successful; however, I feel that we all need to be flexible in our thoughts and our behaviours. Sometimes it is appropriate to be internal and controlling, while other times it is right to stand back and be more relaxed, it’s about having more conscious choice in any moment.

Interestingly, as people age their locus of control generally becomes more internal because they have had lots of experience of life and realise that the majority of what happens to them, is a direct result of what they think, what they say and what they do.

Some tips to take more control

Realise that by not making a decision, is in fact, already a choice! You are already letting others (or life) choose for you, this is an abdication of your own power.

Pay close attention to your own internal dialogue if you hear yourself saying “I can’t do that” or “There is nothing I can do about it.” Recognise that you have just made a decision and ask yourself if it is the only option, or what would a person with an internal locus of control do? 

Plan your future, set goals, take time to visualise a big bright future that you feel compelled to step into.

Explore your values, what values and beliefs would really help you? Integrity, honesty, compassion, humility, commitment, purpose……

Don’t be afraid to have fun, to talk to people, to let your guard down, play more, become childlike (but avoid becoming childish).

Don’t let fear of failure stop you, embrace vulnerability, and start engaging with life.

Ask yourself, what will I need to stop doing if I am going to move forward?

Ask yourself, what new skills will I need to learn, so I can move forward in my life?

You could print out the two lists above, and tick your responses, to explore whether your behaviours fall into the internal or external categories. Then, ponder what new perspectives or responses may be more in line with who you would rather be.